Constant health issues

[RageBates]

I am struggling with my partner's constant complaining about his health.

It has been one thing after another, after another, for the duration of our relationship.
He seems to 'find' health issues that can only be resolved with operations. He's a frequent flier to the GP. He once nearly went to A+E over a small boil (I basically said, you can't do that! Get some drawing paste and see how it goes...it certainly didn't warrant wasting A+E resources)

It is often and really doing my head in.

Sometimes it's just pathetic. The latest thing is he "has a snuffly nose". I honestly feel like I am listening to a whingy primary aged child, rather than a grown adult male.

It is wearing me down, I have run out of sympathy. Some of the symptoms and complaints are just utterly pathetic and I don't know what more to do or say.

I work in the health sector, so I have tons of empathy and sympathy for actual illness...but this seems to be exaggerated or fabricated for attention. It's frustrating and exhausting.

What can I do..?

AIBU to tell him to STFU

Oh I could not tolerate this! How old is he? Does he work?

Sounds like he has health anxiety. A course of CBT can help.

Could be a mental health issue or he could just be a malingerer. Sounds like he needs mental health intervention rather than physical. It would also annoy me.

Duplicate post

Duplicate post

Sounds like he needs some help for health anxiety as it isn’t normal behaviour.
You say he always finds issues that need surgery, surely he doesn’t get the surgery when there isn’t anything wrong?

Well, I mean he will exaggerate symptoms and rely on surgery as the fix.

Example...bad back (he's overweight, so to me the obvious thing to do would be to lose weight to help ease strain on joints) but his answer is that one day he may need his spine fusing.

Mid 40s.

Gradually withdrew from work and now is on PIP for mental health.

I'm struggling to understand it all to be honest. I know many people with similar symptoms that manage to continue working.

But I think also, we have different levels of tolerance - illness has to wipe me off my feet before I have a sick day, whereas he will get a slight blocked nose and goes on about it like his heads going to fall off.

It just seems very melodramatic and attention seeking.
I've gone from being sympathetic to feeling utterly irritated every time he complains of a new ailment.

He's adamant he doesn't need any therapy.
Very much convinced that every illness or symptom is physical, he won't consider that it's mental/psychological.

It's draining.
I've honestly never known someone moan so much about their health/being ill/some symptoms.
The language used is very infantile also eg. Sore belly, poorly tum, snuffly nose.

I don't feel like I'm communicating with a mid 40s adult.. it's like a sickly child that wants nursing, but constantly

No way would I put up with that. It sounds very draining. I would dump him.

What does gradually withdrew from work mean?
So you pay for everything whilst listening to this man baby whining about a blocked nose?

What do you get out of the relationship?

I couldn't live worh a man like that sorry.

I'd have to leave.

So you work full time whilst he does what exactly?

We don't live together, so finances are entirely separate.

Gradually withdrew: as in, was slowly doing less shifts and becoming more picky on whete they would pick up shifts (it was a community role, so different locations) until eventually just got signed off and hasn't gone back, so has been on long term sick for a while now.

It certainly doesn't bode well for the future, in that I can't see how we'd ever live together as I'm bit willing to be the breadwinner.

Its a massive ick for me.

I might be harsh but I cant stand people that always have something wrong with them. My friend's DH is one of those men who takes to his bed for days with the slightest thing and I dont know how she can fancy him at all.

I sympathise with you. My partner is similar. Always a complaint about a scratchy throat, or a headache, or some other very minor ailment.

I am now completely unsympathetic, especially as I have a serious regenerative illness and an actually in a lot of pain a lot of the time. I also have other symptoms and currently receiving PIP as well as working. We miss far more and cancel far more because of his "illnesses".

I'm.at my wits end, and I think it will destroy our relationship. I can't see him ever changing and he thinks I'm the one that's in the wrong for always pushing through.

If you don't live together, why are you hanging in there when he's driving you nuts OP? Just tell him that you're sick to death of him whinging on about his health when there's actually nothing wrong with him, and that he's clearly become a hypochondriac.

Just get rid
You have no respect for him so bin him

The real question is why you would want to be around this?
Thank goodness you aren't living with him.
You ARE wasting your time though.
Dump.

How have you established that I have no respect for him, please?

My point though...how on earth do you explain that to someone, as if it's become their whole personality then you're basically insulting their whole character and existence.

I don't want to hurt him.
But I am tired of this cycle where he's always the poorly victim and I'm the therapist/listening ear/fixer 🙁

Your posts, especially the last one.

What does he bring to the relationship?
What do you get out of it?

That is not a relationship

Its therapy

I don’t find workshy malingerers attractive personally, so I’d just finish with him.

Doesn’t sound like he brings much, if anything, to your relationship so why don’t you end it?

You don't want to hurt him, but he doesn't care about how much he's pissing you off with his constant moans about issues which most of us simply accept as being daily life. If you're fed up with it, you either have to tell him what's going on, and why you've had enough. If you don't do that, then you're actually hurting him in a different way, as he will gradually become known as a hypochondriac, and people will avoid him.