DH closed bedroom door conversations… aibu to feel like he’s being rude?

[Pickupalilo]

DBIL lives with my DHs mum. Hes in his 30s. My DH had to drop off a prescription for his mum today, but she was out. DBILs bedroom is on the ground floor by the living room. Me and DH got there and DH knocked on his door, was talking in his room, and then went in and closed the bedroom door for around 10 minutes. I was standing awkwardly in the living room and just sat down waiting for DH. When DH came out he told me to come outside with them and have a drink (me and DH don’t drink so unsure why I would!).

DBIL didn’t say one word to me. I felt like I’d be waiting around and didn’t actually want to sit with them, so I asked for the car keys and said I’ll wait in the car (we had said we were popping in). DH got irate and said he wouldn’t bother so he got in the car too.

Aibu to think that this is really rude behaviour from two grown men? Surely you acknowledge your wife is just sitting around waiting for you?

Leaving you standing around is a bit rude, yes, @Pickupalilo, as is not saying a word to you, but the closed-door conversation may have been about something that your BIL wanted to keep private.

Gosh, I don't know. I mean if I liked my DH and my BIL I'd probs think, no big deal, shit happens/people make mistakes/like to chat.
But if I was cross with them for some reason (judging DBIL for still living at home/DH has form for ignoring) then yes, it might irk.

You all sound as bad as eachother. The conversation might have been private which is why they closed the door. You took it further by asking to sit in the car which is quite passive aggressive and an attempt to rush your husband along.

Your BIL is entitled to privacy, both in his own bedroom and when having conversations about his medication.

Like a lot of things I think this does depend on the individual relationships between the people involved.

But I can certainly imagine a perfectly reasonable situation where someone wants to discuss something private with their sibling, without sibling’s spouse being involved.

He is allowed to have a private conversation with his own brother. Flouncing off to sit in the car seems a bit self-centred.

It was odd for BIL not to acknowledge you.

It wasn't necessarily odd for him to want to talk to your DH in private.

It was a bit rude of you to say you would wait in the car rather than join them.

Sounds off all round.

You don’t consume liquids?
Odd
Your DH was in his brothers bedroom, it seems fairly reasonable to have the door closed to give his bedroom privacy from you.
They emerged fairly swiftly and included you, but you threw a tantrum and went and say in the car.
Your behaviour will have come across very odd.

It sounds like there wasn’t really a chance to acknowledge OP, the two brothers had a brief chat and then before everyone went and sat outside OP already flounced to the car.

He was in his bedroom he may well have been having a private conversation or simply in his underwear and wanted some privacy

This is a recurring theme when we go to his mums.

Again, people are entitled to have private conversations with you DH.

You flouncing off or your BIL taking 10 mins to be ready to come out of his bedroom?

Yeah but if I try to look at it from the other side, I’d be pretty unimpressed if DH got pissy with me for having a private conversation with my sister too often for his liking.

I think you reacted in an odd way, OP. If he went in the bedroom and shut the door then I would assume they were having a private conversation, which is allowed. You don’t need to be included in every conversation and BIL is entitled to speak privately with your dh without you being involved. His mum wasn’t there so you didn’t need to make small talk or anything- just sit on the sofa and browse on your phone whilst you wait?

Then you could have stayed and been sociable and had a drink (you could have had a glass of water) but instead you flounced off to the car. You made the whole thing awkward for no reason.

I think your response is weird. Flouncing off to the car and pretending to wait whilst your DH has a drink with his brother is ridiculous, you knew full well he wouldn't stay as soon as you said that. Know idea what the background is here but it's very odd behaviour

They're entitled to have a private conversation and I think you overreacted by saying you'll go sit in the car after being asked to join them for a drink.

That being said it would have been common courtesy for someone (DH) to shout out 'give me a bit, going to close the door as DBIL wants to talk to me about something'.

His BIL might be wondering why you keep going there.

I think this is on you OP, as do most people posting here.

You said your BIL didn't say a word to you? What, not even when you said "Hi BIL, how are you?" He didn't even speak to you then?

You sound very self-centred. Clearly your BIL is going through something and you get in a strop because he had a 10 minute conversation in private whilst you sat in the living room. It's your behaviour that was off in this scenario.

Then don't keep going round! Let DH run the errands on his own.

My ILs lived round the corner. DH went round a couple of times a week to see them, I went with him a couple of times a month.

They were probably discussing something that's none of your business.

DH and BIL often have convos on the telephone when I'm out or in another room in our home. I know things about BIL that DH doesn't want to recognise, so I keep out of the picture. It's his brother.

Then why do you go? It was just an errand not a visit. Your DH is entitled to a private conversation with his sibling. Whenever I visit my siblings I always disappear for some time for a private chat, whether or not DH is there. We’re siblings - so there’s often some things to talk about that doesn’t warrant a spouse eavesdropping.

Ah, there you go then. It irks because you are already cross before you go: 'You always do this' 'yup, it happened again' 'I knew it. Bloody typical'.

Better to discuss before - 'I always feel left out at your mums. How can we solve this? I'm happy to stay at home btw'

”When DH came out he told me to come outside with them and have a drink (me and DH don’t drink so unsure why I would!).”

I assume you mean you and your dh don’t drink alcohol, @Pickupalilo - but surely you could have had something non-alcoholic. He was offering a chance for you, him and your BIL to socialise - and you can’t have it both ways. Either they were rude by talking privately and leaving you on your own, or they were rude by wanting to have a drink and socialise with you!