To find people who hold back good news for themselves really annoying ?

[Beachbooks]

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

Can I add people who make a point of not revealing the sex of their unborn child to anyone else, as they want it be a surprise for everyone else when the child arrives.

As if anyone actually cares either way

I would find that annoying! Fine not to share news straight away, but weird to then boast about the secret..I personally find it irritating when people are having a baby and tell you they know if the baby is a boy or girl but aren't telling anyone. It weirdly shuts down the conversation.

You just aren’t a priority for them to tell 🤷‍♀️

Snap! Glad someone else finds this annoying.

Yes I totally agree about the gender thing too!! I just can’t understand what you gain by not telling people

I dont really see the issue. Its not like you know you havent found out they are engaged, and its nice to hear when you do. It makes no difference to the niceness whether you find out the minute it happens or a week layer

The SIL is a bit weird but presumably you know this is just her now

I don't get it either, although fortunately my family isn't like this.
Are they very into their social media and like to stage-manage and film their announcements?

If no one cares then it doesnt really matter if again they find out at the 20 week mark, or the birth.

I really couldn't get worked up about this. If people want to tell others their good news immediately, a week later, or 3 months later, I don't care.

I like a bit of space to process things personally. I would delay scan updates, but I wouldn’t announce the appointment beforehand. I hate people knowing and waiting for the news and feeling pressured for updates. If it’s not good news, I would want the space. But I while I may keep engagement under wraps for a few days, I wouldn’t tell everyone about the delay I would just tell people the news. Your friend/SIL sound rather self-important.

I wish my annoyances were this trivial.

Why does it matter about everyone else's business. You obviously aren't top of their priority list to tell.

But that’s not what OP is saying.

Its people who say

“we’re engaged”

and when congratulated the point is then made about how they’ve been engaged a week and kept it secret.

just tell people news when you want them to know - end of conversation!

Telling close family the time and date of a scan and then specifically not updating anyone for a few days after it is weird.

I didn’t tell anyone when my scans were because a) I didn’t think it was that interesting to anyone when the scan would be and I’d just update afterwards, and b) if it was bad news I didn’t want people knowing and waiting on an update if I was still trying to deal with it or wait for further test results etc.

They probably do tell people. Just other people who are more of a priority to them.

I think it is a mixture. It is completely unreasonable if they tell people that they aren't/ haven't told.

However, if they just keep quiet then it's fine. Everyone other than my DH and I think we got engaged a couple of days after we did. No one will ever know. No one is hurt. No one is annoyed.

It's one thing keeping themselves to themselves, but making the actual announcement all about the build up to the announcement, making a huge deal out of how they kept it secret, how hard it was not to let anyone know and any 'nerve-wracking' moments, after it was announced boil my piss

Based, loosely, on a true story.

I've got as little contact as possible with this and other drama llamas now

Like some blow by blow account of some CIA mission, complete with dramatic pauses and intermission for drinks, greeting people and answering the phone messages

"OMG!!! When your mother saw me coming out of the balloon shop and she wanted to know whose party we were going to!!!"

I had to lie about [invent a non-existent celebration for someone else] and your mother said that she was going to bingo/clubbing/the 'Spoons with [insert that someone else's name] and when I finished talking to my mum I had to call [insert that someone else's name] so that she could lie to your mother, but I couldn't tell [insert that someone else's name] why, so I had to say that the balloons were for another [insert an obscure relative's name in another part of town/the country] and she had to keep that secret, so your mother didn't check with [insert obscure relative' name or mother] and find out!!!!

OMG!! I was panicking so hard!!!

Why?

Why fucking bother, you absolute melt?

Why involve someone else without telling them why?

For almost no fucking reason?

Keeping good news to yourself, so no one pisses on your chips - understandable

Wrecking trust between your loved ones, friends and acquaintances and then making the good news announcement about all the subterfuge, secrecy and lies - No. Fuck off

This is all very weird

Not really

Standard practice amongst certain social circles

Like I said, someone who wants to keep good news to themselves, I have no problem with

The engagement thing - fair enough. I don't see why they can't enjoy that privately for a while and I think it's lovely

The scan thing - again fine not to spam people the second they leave the appointment but then they should have the decency not to go round telling everyone the date of the appointment

I am currently keeping quiet about my new job for a few weeks as a good friend has just been made redundant and it feels right we support her first

Amongst your social circles it would seem.

Thankfully this kind of very odd exchange is not something i have ever endured with anyone

I envy your luck

I pity your poor luck that you have had multiple people like this in your life

I am so cynical I guess . Does anybody apart from your close family like your parents really and truly give a shit about engagements , pregnancy , scans, gender? Fine to say congrats if they tell you but certainly not offended if they don't .

I thought the same.

I don’t see why you seem to see this as such a slight.

I mean, you’d die in a panic if you were in my life. We didn’t tell anyone we’d got married for several years. It didn’t wreck any lives.