To find people who hold back good news for themselves really annoying ?

[Beachbooks]

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

I don’t think it’s odd to be thinking of your family having a scan and wanting to know that everything is ok? I care about the parents to be and of course the future baby who will be my niece or nephew.

Or if they really don’t want people knowing then don’t tell everyone the date & time.

you put it in the papers?seriously? I mean who are you?

Yes but all family isn’t equal is it?

You and your SIL for example - I’ll take a wild stab that you aren’t close and Infact there is a back story of issues between the pair of you

I think whats irritating is boasting about how they withheld the news with the inference that other people would have somehow spoiled it. But then expecting everyone else to join in with the happiness. I sort of get it but it's rude to make a big thing of having kept it secret.

The people whose news it is get to decide when they share it, and with whom.

Me neither.
And its a bit baffling how upset/disapproving some people seem to get about others having the audacity to handle their life milestones in a different way.

Perhaps they didn't think you'd tattoo it on your brain and be hanging off the phone waiting to hear from them. I can't imagine following it that closely unless it was a first grandchild!

But performative secret keeping defeats the purpose of discretion. It's very attention seeking iny opinion.

I get why this is very annoying and agree it's unnecessary.

However we wait till after scans before announcing pg -and family were still bloody awful in different ways each time - they did have form around our engagement taking the shine off for us .

Also we didn't find gender out till last pg more for the existing kids than us but many people seem to not believe that and got very pushy about being told something we didn't actually know.

It's attention seeking, very often.

It's perfectly normal and expected in my circles.

I'm sorry but I still don't get it. If someone is knew told me they were engaged I'd congratulate them. It wouldn't cross my mind to enquire how long they'd been engaged for.

Probably hasn't happened to me for decades but you do hear that kind of crap from the friends of your dc from time to time.

I don’t understand why you feel you need to be involved in everyone else’s life.

How is waiting a few days going to affect you?

I don’t understand why people feel the need to tell people in advance eg that they’ve got the scan coming up - it would be easier not to say anything at all until afterwards but I’m guessing they had to tell someone and so told others too.

If there is something wrong with the baby then it’s got nothing to do with you and they’ll tell you when they’re ready.

She has been the same with her mum (my MIL) - there’s no back story or bad feeling. She just wanted to keep the news to herself which is fine but why tell everyone the date and time of the scan when you know they’ll be interested to know.

I am someone who doesn’t care about baby or engagement news. Of course I’d say congratulations but I wouldn’t feel any kind of emotion about it. I’d be more interested in work news or travel plans but even then, mild interest at best. I also wouldn’t care when or if people told me.

this...I mean weird to get so strung up about it

To be honest I do this with good and bad stuff but for much longer . Only told I was pregnant way after 12 weeks , I was promoted to a new role and better pay over a month ago and haven’t told anyone but my husband , hubby got fired recently and we are fighting unfair dismissal and again we only told a couple of friends . It’s not so much that we are in a bubble is that we are in our 40s and in that stage of our life’s where we “ couldn’t give a royal f*ck “ about others opinions or have patience to explain the ins and outs of things 🤷🏻‍♀️

gosh I never knew we had circles on here

There was an insane thread a few weeks ago where the OP was devastated that her (if I remember correctly) sister eloped to get married and didn’t tell anyone beforehand to give them a “heads up”.

Don't think I've ever come across this, to be honest. I don't think it would bother me, but I suppose it might just seem kind of extra-attention seeking. Like 'Everyone is going to be massively invested in this!'

The baby gender thing winds me up so much.

I had a friend who was pissed off that I told people we were having a girl (from our scan), before her girl was born (she was due soon after my scan) because I ‘stole her news’… as she was keeping her baby’s gender a surprise for everyone else - even though she has found out.

I mean… what? It’s 50/50. It really wasn’t that exciting for anyone else to hear.

Heaven forbid they enjoy their own good fortune before immediately telling someone who apparently doesn't care either way. We didn't tell our families that we were expecting twins and it was a lovely surprise for them.

That’s just ridiculous!

If you choose to wait to tell people, then you take the risk of people telling their news before yours.

You didn’t choose to keep it a secret and can tell who you want.

That’s so narcissistic!

Yes, elopements really drive people bonkers on here. So many people can’t understand that marriage is not a huge deal to everyone and not everyone wants a big party. It’s signing a contract and some people do it just for the legal benefits and don’t want a wedding. I wouldn’t have had a party when I signed for my mortgage so I didn’t feel the need to have a wedding either.

Your friend was upset you revealed the gender of your own baby?