To find people who hold back good news for themselves really annoying ?

[Beachbooks]

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

I think it depends how its done. Fine if they don't want to share with all and sundry straight away and just do so on their own terms. But performative secret keeping defeats the purpose of discretion. It's very attention seeking iny opinion.

Why do people need to know all this at all?

DH and I got engaged in June, announced the engagement in November, once I had the ring and all the wedding plans were made. A few people were notified as a courtesy before the it was in the papers, excepting close family.

DS : nobody was told I was pg until aftwr the nuchal scan (now 12 week scan), only family were told at 13 weeks, everyone else when I cd no longer hide the bump. We didn't find out the sex. Friends and family notified with a little card, and it went in the papers.

DD: ditto

Driving, the dc told people when they had passed, not when they were learning.

Their A'Level results: so stellar nobody who didn't need to know was told.

Life isn't a drama and isn't in my opinion a facebook, insta oppprtunity.

It is annoying when people say "I know a secret, but I'm not telling yoooou...", like they are trying to make you feel as though you are not special enough to be told.

Am I bovvered?

I don't mind if people wait. People who make a big deal of having some news but can't possibly tell you yet are annoying AF though.

These are adults in your life that talk like this? I mean, I think the last time I had an exchange like this was probably when I was 6

I’m interested in the posters here who say no one’s cares, it’s just not true, I love hearing baby news. Love hearing engagement and wedding news, and job news and travel plans and all the rest. Lots of people are like me. That’s why people announce things so we can share their joy and I literally don’t care at all if they enjoy a little bubble for a week first. I still take vicarious joy later!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “we knew we were having boy/girl but didn’t want to tell anyone”. I have wanted to say “so why are you telling me now” but didn’t want to be rude.

I don’t think that’s the point. No one owes you their news. It’s the boasting that they didn’t share for x amount of time and going on about it that’s annoying.

Well they sound like they haven’t matured beyond year 7 so I imagine they must be very annoying and childish in lots of way. And if you have multiple people like this in your life… then maybe time to start stepping back!

But if you don’t care why do you want to know sooner?

Exactly

and maybe they sense that @MaryNour doesn’t give a toss either way hence not really being bothered about telling her

Probably to avoid comments along the lines of "oh, I bet you wish it was a girl" or even "what a shame" (FFS), which one of my friends got repeatedly when people found out her fourth pregnancy was a fourth boy. Also, some of my relatives wanted to be surprised, and asked not to be told what sex my babies were!

Still missing the point.

when you tell someone news and the someone congratulates you and shares your joy there is no need to then include facts like “well we told Pete and Sally on Monday and Tim and Tom on Tuesday etc”

Share news with people as and when you want to. It’s not a competitive how long we kept it secret or necessary to then let people know where they were in the pecking order of being told.

Thats pathetic.

Maybe they just forget because they’re happy? It’s as bad the expectations people have to give in to to conform to society’s etiquette rules- the scan fair enough if ye are worried- the wedding thing maybe they just were in a bubble and didn’t want to deal with ringing people or answering comments when they announced!

It’s up to people obviously but I agree with you OP

People are wired differently

I am very weirded out when someone says that they know but aren’t telling anyone … mainly because it would be simpler to say they don’t know. I wonder if it is because they really don’t want a load of (terrible) baby name suggestions.

The engagement example makes you sound like a bit of a misery, to be honest. It’s supposed to be a once in a lifetime event - let them enjoy it! Why on earth would you feel bad for their families being “kept in the dark”? It’s not like they got married in secret.

I’m a bit more sympathetic on the baby scan example. With that one, I think if you don’t want to let people know the results straight away, don’t tell them it’s happening until after you’ve done it either.

Not telling people for any amount of time is fine, telling them, and then telling them you didn't tell them for a while is weird.
That makes sense in my head.

Can I ask why you decided to keep it a secret so long ?? I just can’t get into the mindset of why you need to keep it quiet ?! It’s very normal to get married and surely your family would have wanted to share your joy.

I think you are really odd for being desperate to know scan results. I'd assume if I hadn't heard then it was all good. Maybe try and occupy yourself more constructively so you're living well yourself rather than through news of life events happening to other people.

Okays but whar part of telling people takes the shine off ? That’s the bit I don’t get !!

Agreed

So obviously not a close relationship if you engage with someone like this

A girl I know done this! And then when baby was born we got a gender and weight but no name or picture for a week!! Listen Beyoncé it’s not ok mag exclusive - tell me or don’t 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I couldn’t get worked up over what someone else chooses to do with their “news”.