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To wonder why people used to marry so young

544 replies

estrella167532839 · Yesterday 18:47

In 1990 the average age for getting married was 24. I know couples who got married when they were 21/22 and had only just graduated from uni. I can’t imagine being married that young.

At the moment, it seems like most people get married in their 30s, if at all.

OP posts:
EatMoreChocolate44 · Today 07:30

Flipperthepriest · Yesterday 18:52

Was pre-marital sex really frowned on much as late as 1990?

In Northern Ireland (Catholic population anyways) it very much was. My brother had his first child out of wedlock (excuse the old fashioned term) and my dad didn't speak to him for over a year. Ridiculous really but in our small town these things were seen as a scandal (thankfully not so much anymore).

MagnoliaParks · Today 07:33

I think we’d be better off generally if people got married earlier. Instead they’ve bought a house, had two kids, one has given up their career and then they start saving for a wedding. Many split up, leaving them in a precarious position, before they even get to the wedding.

I got married at 25 straight after we bought a house together because once we had joint ownership of an asset it was important to me that our relationship was legally recognised, and the wedding was a formality that followed buying a house together in the same way getting life insurance was.

RampantIvy · Today 07:34

Arbourimage · Yesterday 18:58

Depends on where you live, the UK wasn’t and isn’t one homogeneous mass. It was certainly socially frowned upon for couples and to live together in the 90s where I am.

What part of the UK?

I moved in with DH in Leeds in 1980 and it wasn't that unusual to live with your partner then. I admit that my parents weren't overjoyed at the time, but DH and I got married the following year, and we are still happily married.

saraclara · Today 07:38

estrella167532839 · Today 01:48

@saraclara I think there is neurological research showing that brains are not fully cognitively developed until 25.

It's a myth. A misunderstanding of the context of a single MRI study.

www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development

RampantIvy · Today 07:38

Tigger2001 · Today 02:58

Yes, as was divorce, there was still great stigma attached.

No it wasn't. It really, really wasn't.
Maybe, if you were part of religious cult.

MyballsareSandy2015 · Today 07:45

Some of this sounds like the 50s not the 90s 😂

I bought a flat with DH (then just a boyfriend) in the early 90s. I had a catholic upbringing, convent school, but I don’t remember getting any agg from family.

We married in 1996. Still together, just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and will have been together 40 years next year.

IntentionallyAsymmetrical · Today 07:47

TheSmallAssassin · Yesterday 19:41

Did you not have a (landline) phone? Why couldn't you talk to each other?

I knew people in the 80s who didn't have a landline phone.

We had a landline in the 70s and 80s but until the mid-80s it was a 'party' line - that is, we shared the line with a house over the road. We had different numbers so we didn't get each other's calls but if we wanted to dial out, instead of just lifting the receiver, there was another button to press underneath the rotary dial and if the people over the road were using the phone, you would hear them talking and you had to wait until they were finished.

It was cheaper than having your own landline but I believe the reason for it was something to do with a shortage of lines when STD codes came in in the mid-1970s. Up until that point people had to go via the operator to phone anyone outside their area.

That was the 70s/80s, though, not the 1990s.

In flats and what we'd now call HMOs, communal phones were common in the 1990s. When I was a student in university accommodation, there was one phone for the entire block that could receive incoming calls, so you were reliant on people taking messages or coming to fetch you if your room was nowhere near it.

If you wanted to phone someone, of course, you had to use a payphone - there were a few scattered round the place and by the 90s most people used phone cards - prepaid cards you could buy in various denominations.

In the mid to late 1990s, along came the internet and woe betide you if the household you were trying to call had a keen user because the modem would tie up the landline!

Newname26 · Today 07:48

RampantIvy · Today 07:38

No it wasn't. It really, really wasn't.
Maybe, if you were part of religious cult.

I was main stream church, would get told, no hanky panky, no chat of being safe, just no hanky panky.

My cousin got his GF pregnant in late 90s. He told his parents then bolted out the door to let them calm down.

WonderfulSmith · Today 07:53

NattyKnitter116 · Yesterday 22:02

It really wasn’t….

Notice that I said it was a bit judged. Not that everyone did, but some people judged.

Also, not everyone has the same experience. When I was at uni in the mid 90s I knew people who lived with their partners but had a two bed flat and pretended they had separate rooms.

Newname26 · Today 07:53

IntentionallyAsymmetrical · Today 07:47

I knew people in the 80s who didn't have a landline phone.

We had a landline in the 70s and 80s but until the mid-80s it was a 'party' line - that is, we shared the line with a house over the road. We had different numbers so we didn't get each other's calls but if we wanted to dial out, instead of just lifting the receiver, there was another button to press underneath the rotary dial and if the people over the road were using the phone, you would hear them talking and you had to wait until they were finished.

It was cheaper than having your own landline but I believe the reason for it was something to do with a shortage of lines when STD codes came in in the mid-1970s. Up until that point people had to go via the operator to phone anyone outside their area.

That was the 70s/80s, though, not the 1990s.

In flats and what we'd now call HMOs, communal phones were common in the 1990s. When I was a student in university accommodation, there was one phone for the entire block that could receive incoming calls, so you were reliant on people taking messages or coming to fetch you if your room was nowhere near it.

If you wanted to phone someone, of course, you had to use a payphone - there were a few scattered round the place and by the 90s most people used phone cards - prepaid cards you could buy in various denominations.

In the mid to late 1990s, along came the internet and woe betide you if the household you were trying to call had a keen user because the modem would tie up the landline!

The 80s and 90s calls were cheaper after 6pm (after neighbours) but still pricey.

I remember my folks going mental I'd run up a bill of £80, that's the equivalent of £208 today.

PrettyPickle · Today 07:56

Newname26 · Yesterday 23:21

I think unemployment might have been higher but their were more quality jobs. And people worked full time.

We seem to be in a era of lots of people struggling to get full-time work and millions on minium wage

I'm not disputing that, but the fact is more people were unemployed and on benefits.

Newname26 · Today 07:56

WonderfulSmith · Today 07:53

Notice that I said it was a bit judged. Not that everyone did, but some people judged.

Also, not everyone has the same experience. When I was at uni in the mid 90s I knew people who lived with their partners but had a two bed flat and pretended they had separate rooms.

My mum believes my Aunt and uncle had separate rooms, in the 60s I'm not convinced.

A friend of a friend had a same sex flat mate as late as 2010, it wasn't until one of the parents died they fessed up to being a couple.

Newname26 · Today 08:01

PrettyPickle · Today 07:56

I'm not disputing that, but the fact is more people were unemployed and on benefits.

20% of people are on UC
19% were on benefits in 1990 so really not much different.

DeftGoldHedgehog · Today 08:08

BruFord · Today 01:23

Some posters on this thread seem to think that the 1990's were the Dark Ages. 😂

I was a teenager/young adult during the 1990's and we were having plenty of sex before marriage :-) People lived together too, but among my friends that was more in the mid-late 1990's.

Having children before marriage, however, was far less common IME, marriage came first and children afterwards. I think that's one reason why the average marital age has increased, people often have their kids first now.

Not the dark ages, but people forget how different 1990 was to now. It wasn't just now without phones or the internet. It's 36 years ago and society was different.

WonderfulSmith · Today 08:10

Garcial · Today 03:24

Quite, this thread is so strange!

I was in my early 20s in the 1990s. One friend got married at that stage, which seemed slightly wild to the rest of us, as we were so young. We are all living alone, with boyfriends or with friends.

There were absolutely NO raised eyebrows about living together in my friends, family or wider group. The majority of my social group had been to uni and were just cracking on with life.

The idea of no sex before marriage, living together being frowned upon... none of that bears any resemblance whatsoever to the average 20-something's life in the 1990's, in my experience.

But that is your life. Other people’s lived experiences are different. A lot of people on this thread don’t seem to be able to understand that.

WonderfulSmith · Today 08:12

estrella167532839 · Today 01:48

@saraclara I think there is neurological research showing that brains are not fully cognitively developed until 25.

Poorly done research that has been debunked.

The reason it says the brain doesn’t mature until 25 is because that is when they stopped the research, not because that’s when the brain stopped.

LiberteLynx · Today 08:12

estrella167532839 · Today 01:48

@saraclara I think there is neurological research showing that brains are not fully cognitively developed until 25.

This is a real stat so often repeated with the same misinformation as to its meaning such that I think it has acheived urban myth status.

It is not that brains are not fully developed until age 25 it is that they are at peak plasticity until age 25 which is related to how easily and quickly a person can learn new skills and knowledge. It has nothing to do with cognitive development, maturity or not being fully capable of adult decision making and thought. Around age 25 is when our brains’ plasticity plateaus for most of adulthood.

LiberteLynx · Today 08:14

WonderfulSmith · Today 08:12

Poorly done research that has been debunked.

The reason it says the brain doesn’t mature until 25 is because that is when they stopped the research, not because that’s when the brain stopped.

The research itself was fine, its the way it has been mis-reported and misunderstood that has been firmly debunked.

Letstryandgetitright · Today 08:16

Smokeywater · Today 05:35

Wasn't it also because they couldn't afford it and wouldn't be eligible for council home if not married. They would be people who weren't doing further education but the male still needed to have ended his apprenticeship whcih lasted years in those days.

I'm getting on a bit so the era i'm talking about it wasn't about trying to get council housing.
The majority of people left school at 16. Only a small percentage stayed on at school until 18. And those who left mainly went into the world of work at 16. In all intents and purposes adults but without the rights to vote or be served alcohol etc

WonderfulSmith · Today 08:18

LiberteLynx · Today 08:14

The research itself was fine, its the way it has been mis-reported and misunderstood that has been firmly debunked.

Thank you for the correction.

It gets brought up on here so often when people are excusing their 24 year old needing their mother to pick their socks for them and phone their boss.

WonderfulSmith · Today 08:19

Letstryandgetitright · Today 08:16

I'm getting on a bit so the era i'm talking about it wasn't about trying to get council housing.
The majority of people left school at 16. Only a small percentage stayed on at school until 18. And those who left mainly went into the world of work at 16. In all intents and purposes adults but without the rights to vote or be served alcohol etc

My school didn’t have a 6th form.
To do A-Levels or anything else you had to go to the next town 7 miles away.

PrettyPickle · Today 08:21

Newname26 · Today 08:01

20% of people are on UC
19% were on benefits in 1990 so really not much different.

Two different things that are measured differently. You can be working/on sick with UC, for unemployment benefit in the 80's you had to be unemployed, seeking work and able to work. Sickness or being on a state funded training course was not classed as unemployed.

UC includes people in work, people who are sick or disabled, carers and others, whereas unemployment statistics count people who are out of work, available for work and actively seeking work. National unemployment peaked at about 11.8% in 1984, compared with roughly 4-5% today, so the early 1980s labour market was considerably worse than today.

FindingMeno · Today 08:25

Does anyone remember Bill Wyman from The Rolling Stones and Mandy Smith in the 80's? She was 13 and he was 47 when they met.
They married when she turned 16, but it didn't last long.

DoggerelBank · Today 08:26

RedSpotTeaPot · Yesterday 20:34

Blimey. I didn't know that but have looked it up and apparently it was commonplace well into the 20th Century. Doesn't that seem absolutely bananas now.

I know someone who needed a hysterectomy in Singapore about 10/15 years ago and needed her husband to sign it off, as it affected him too.
Not sure if that's still the case there.

Girasoli · Today 08:27

I'm in my 30s and I know lots of people who got married in their mid-late 20s (including myself).

I think it just depends when you meet your partner. I know lots of people who met their DHs/DWs either at university or a year or two after graduating.