To wonder why people used to marry so young

[estrella167532839]

In 1990 the average age for getting married was 24. I know couples who got married when they were 21/22 and had only just graduated from uni. I can’t imagine being married that young.

At the moment, it seems like most people get married in their 30s, if at all.

No. I was an adult in 1990 and attitudes were little different from now.

I was a young adult in 1990 and it wasn’t really different times. The times had changed by then.

I think having a baby without being married was considered irresponsible rather than immoral. Most people were sexually active before they married.

I got married at 26 but this was only 12 years ago and maybe consider a bit young.

That’s interesting. I think we had more opportunity to start adulthood in our early 20s in the 90s and people saw marriage as a postive part of that. 1990 was a time of very high mortgage interest rates, but houses cost far far less related to earnings than now. I don’t recall there being judgement about living together at this time - that had already changed. I lived with my current partner since 1995 - the only comments I got about marrying were from family who advised me we marry before children for the financial protection.

I got engaged at 20 and married at 22 in 2012. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with DH and 14 years later I'm still delighted that we got married young.

Wasn't it also because they couldn't afford it and wouldn't be eligible for council home if not married. They would be people who weren't doing further education but the male still needed to have ended his apprenticeship whcih lasted years in those days.

I was 21 when I got married. If my daughter soe that I would be mortified. It was different times and different societal expectations

That may be true for some but that's the first I've heard of it. We just "got married". We didn't live together first it was just the done thing

I think she was probably referring to a landline phone - mobile phones weren't a thing! Referring to her own experience at the time.

I lived in London (still do) and certainly for me, born in 1964, my friends were having sex and living with boyfriends in the early 1980s and no one thought anything of it. I grew up in a village (not in London) and the vast majority of my friends had sex before marriage.

They could afford to.

They could afford children when young.

They could afford houses when young.

Their children were less likely to have disorders. Now older parents can access genetic testing and legal termination, or IVF.

Fewer people aspired to travel, like they do now. Having a family was a top priority for men and women.

People died younger on average too.

There was stigma… It wasn’t universal, nor as extreme as in previous decades, but it was certainly frowned upon by many in a way it just isn’t now. I

I recently saw part of an old episode of TFI Friday from the late 90s, where Chris Evans was interviewing Dani Behr where he told her how lucky she was to have “liberal” parents who let Dani’s boyfriend stay over (Dani was early 20s). It seemed a normal enough thing for him to say based on everyone’s reactions, but people would think it bizarre for someone to say that now, especially in a show aimed at the young.

Social attitudes have definitely changed since the 90s… even if the 90s were still a lot more liberal than previous decades.

The early 90s is about midway between the late 50s and today.

In the late 50s, sex outside marriage was definitely frowned upon, and living together wasn’t taboo!

Things started to change in the 60s, but change doesn’t happen overnight… By the 90s, people were much more open to sex before marriage, though it still wasn’t as accepted as it is today, and living together still wasn’t normalised, even though it was becoming more usual and you wouldn’t be shunned like you would have been in earlier decades.

Affordability was a thing too. You could settle down and have kids back then much more easily.

Houses were more affordable and more council housing was available. Also, it was easier to support a family on one income.

My cousin got married at 18! This was 40 years ago, she’s still married to the same man.

At the wedding my gran told me that she was getting married ‘so she can have sex in a comfortable bed rather than the back of a car’!!! She was always a nippy sweetie under her sweet little old lady appearance.

You’re right about council housing, DH & I got a flat pretty quickly in the late 1960s, and we had to show our marriage certificate to go on the list. We left it fairly soon to move South, and as ‘incomers’ in our new area, the council wouldn’t even accept an application.

The OP is talking about the 90s. You seem to be talking about the 50s!

A culture of marrying young? Which region is that from?

Turn your child into the hero of their own story.

Presumably be because the social norm was marriage before children and one person earning was more socially acceptable and financially viable so there was less pressure on women having careers (and before that it would have been stricter social norms around living together, sex, women not working etc). Fairly basic stuff really.
Women are waiting longer and longer to get married. Nothing wrong with that but waiting longer and longer to have children (and that doesn't have to follow from the first) comes with risks that we seem to want to ignore. Bottom line it's a choice but needs to be an informed choice.

I got married when i was just turned 25. That was over 15yrs ago. Partly it was due to my husband being from a more traditional background where living together before marriage was frown upon. We knew we were meant to be together anyway so we got engaged and planned the wedding rather than deal with the stress the situation was causing. We were ready anyway and had been living together for a while. I had my children between 26 and 34 and i wouldn't have it any other way. My oldest says she wants to get married around that age too and have children "young" (around 25). Let's see.
I do think i got lucky in many ways. Got pregnant easy. My children are absolutely amazing. And i have a good professional career and a stable home. Obviously nothing is perfect but I do feel pretty lucky. In my early 40s and I'm very glad I'm out of nappies/night feeds/nursery and the likes.

In 1984 I got married at the age of 22, My partner was 24, before that we lived together for around 15 months. It was nothing to do with being able to have sex, everyone was at it, or at least seemed to be at it. Living in sin was never mentioned by anyone but we both came from fairly non religious backgrounds.

Because the options to have kids later in life weren't yet available and women were getting jobs rather than going for careers.
I had a manager tell me when she was being interviewed for a promotion in the late 1980's, I think, that her (male) manager asked if she had sought her husband's permission before applying.

In 1990?!

I got married in 2000 at the age of 24, my daughter is getting married next year at the age of 25 with the plan of starting a family afterwards. My 22 year old son and his partner are having a baby next year. Some people just are settled and happy and settle down earlier than others. It just seems the natural thing to want to do and if you are with the right person, then that’s what you do.

I think religious background has a lot to do with the different attitudes. And the older generation still frowned upon sex out of marriage.

They'll still be religious people within the Christian communities who deep down still don't believe in sex before marriage, but will be a bit more tolerant, if you can't be good, be careful 😉
There's things people might do but just not tell your mother!

Remember the last mother and baby home closed in Northern Ireland in 1990. So baby out of wedlock was still frowned upon.
Some of our NI posters might help abortion in Ni was illegal up until the 2000s ?