To wonder why people used to marry so young

[estrella167532839]

In 1990 the average age for getting married was 24. I know couples who got married when they were 21/22 and had only just graduated from uni. I can’t imagine being married that young.

At the moment, it seems like most people get married in their 30s, if at all.

Ha ha. Best laid plans etc. didn’t work like that for my mum. She was hitched by 19 but didn’t have her first till 24
and her second at 30. Then she hit menopause at 42 so you can imagine how great it was at our house!

Very much depends on area and social circles.

my DH and I both married at 18. Married for 28 years now. We married young not because we had to but I get the circumstances. Both grew up in care and foster homes and both had a really bad start. He was the first person I ever trusted, the first I would ever ask a question too and the first that never hurt me. I adore him and I him me. Sometimes it is the right thing to do

There are an awful lot of people on this thread who don't understand that their experience is not universal.

Lol, I'm not the one who started an entire thread criticizing women for getting married young simply because she couldn't imagine doing it herself. Now that's embarrassing!

I was in my 20s in the 90s, sex before marriage was absolutely the norm, so that wasn't the reason. I think there was (and still is to some extent) a huge gap between people who went to university and wanted to travel and get into an interesting career (even if they didn't know what that career would be), and people from more working class backgrounds who stayed in their home town or city and married and had kids in the their 20s.
Why things changed since then, is perhaps due to the huge increase in the percentage of people going to university, and also women's expectation to have a career first. Plus of course men who want to play the field and not settle down until they're 35 or 40.

We married in 1992 when I was 24. It didn't feel young at the time!
My mum (an older mum) definitely still frowned upon sex before marriage ( not that her attitude stopped me!!), and living together was a big no-no, and so we married so that we could actually be together!
My mother was a bit of a tyrant though and commandeered all my days off work, so I was barely allowed to see my boyfriend/fiance whilst I still lived with her!
DH and I are still happily married 34 years later, so getting married young worked for us!

A lot of people left school at 15 so had been working for 6 years by 21.
Limited access to contraceptives so they had to get married if they wanted to have sex. More religious so didn’t believe in sex before marriage.
Fewer benefits so needed two people to have and raise a baby.

Not here it wasn't, I live in a rural small town in NZ.

My family are Catholic and irish. Many got married so they could be intimate. The other reason was the massive social pressure to get married if you were 'courting', if a couple were together for a while and not engaged or married, it was presumed they were sleeping together and therefore were immoral, in sin etc. And of course it was the woman's reputation that was most at risk. Why is he with her... he won't buy the cow cos he is getting the milk for free. Another element was if they were together and having sex and not pregnant then they were probably using contraception which was not only immoral but illegal in Ireland. Most of this faded out in the 80s but the social norms were still there and the usual age for marriage was younger than previous. I know this is about UK not Ireland but I'm guessing it was similar for NI Catholics or English of Catholic heritage.

The other issue was education. If you start working full time at 18 or 19 then in many ways you are ready to meet someone and settle. There wasn't much career progression and it makes sense biologically to start a family mid 20s, if you intend having one. Why wait? 3rd level education added another 4 years and then anyone on a set career path needs 7 or 8 years to climb before they are ready for babies because that's where the career ended.

I thi k there are still lots of young people living together in their early 20s. Just not getting married.

I suspect a major difference is they are having kids later and often that is the push for marriage.

Also, there is a lot of infantalising of young adults now.

I think it’s just what people did, for various reasons. There was an order in which you did things: got married, bought a house, had children. And they were called children, not kids. These days it’s a lot more relaxed, largely because women have birth control and choices.

We married in 1980, a year after I graduated. We didn't share a bedroom at either parents' home before we were married.

I really don't think it was. Nor in the 80s really. I was living with someone from 1977 onward. No one ever said anything to us apart from the man at the Jobcentre when I was briefly signing on (for my £5.84 a week!) and he was only doing his job, albeit in a slightly judgmental way.

Ugh, same with my parents. Ridiculous. The worst was the night they threw an engagement party for us. They wouldn't let dh take the couch, siblings said no way so I said I'd take the couch but that wasn't allowed. I had a double bed and they suggested I share with my sister and I said no, if I'm sharing with anyone it's dh. The only solution was for my married parents to share their bed which hadn't happened in years as my dad slept in the study, but they refused. I pointed out the irony that they didn't agree with married people sharing rooms either.. after a big row the only solution was younger sis to share a bed with my mum, she was furious with us all but couldn't do anything about it as she had gone out when the decision was made. I lost so much respect for my parents that night and told dh that we were never staying there again. Ridiculous immature behaviour

Yes it was by the older generations, though we were in the middle of big social changes.

Contraceptives were easily available in most of the UK by 1990!

What nonsense.

Well, if you want to build a life with someone you have to do it while you're still growing up. I'm 47 and I'm not flexible enough to make a life with anyone. I'm set on my ways now.

That could have happened with DH an me before we were married (in the 2000s), but my mum had strong words with my dad about it before we arrived!

I'm 23 and have been married for 3 years now. No regrets yet 🤞

Not as easily as they should have been. Teenage pregnancy was so much higher then than now.

I remember in 1992 going on the pill but not wanting to go to my family GP. Had to get two buses across the other side of town to a family planning clinic.

DH and I didn’t even wait for graduation to get married. We got married during our final year of university. I was 20 and he was 22. That was in 2000. Still together, still married, with one teenager. I was 30 when I gave birth to her.

In 1990, school leaving age was 16 and contraceptives were widely available.

I would have married at 24 if I was able to. Dating is bullshit.