To wonder why people used to marry so young

[estrella167532839]

In 1990 the average age for getting married was 24. I know couples who got married when they were 21/22 and had only just graduated from uni. I can’t imagine being married that young.

At the moment, it seems like most people get married in their 30s, if at all.

I'm 37 and got married at 23 because I fell in love with a man and wanted to marry him. Shocking concept, I know but didn't see any reason to wait until my 30s just because that's apparently what people do now. We're still happily married 14 years later, so what exactly is your question or was the entire point of this just to announce that you couldn't manage to lock a man down til your thirties??

Not where I was living it wasn't - large Midlands town.

I was just thinking people are getting married younger again. I know several people, DS included, getting married in early to mid 20s.

My mum was 19 when she married ( she wasn't pregnant) in the 60's. I think she had met the right person in my dad. They never divorced.
Neither had been to Uni or done further education so they were working.
I think a factor is that back in those days there wasn't the ease of meeting partners that there is now with on line dating, social media etc. Perhaps that meant they were less likely to search possibly forever for a soul mate, and more likely to settle with someone decent.
And I guess the quicker you got married, any pregnancies weren't frowned on.
As far as I know unmarried women couldn't get the pill till 1967, whereas it became available to married women in 1961.

Exactly. Marriage was the last thing on mine and my peer group’s mind! Lots of us going travelling etc and generally having a ball (and we weren’t rich. Had average low level office jobs - filing clerks and that sort of thing, but rent was far cheaper and we could live frugally and save to go travelling etc. )
I worked with lots of people who did marry in their early 20’s and settle down with kids etc but I’d say it was 50/50 as we didn’t have to get married to gain independence like our parents generation so it was very much a choice. The only serious fly in the ointment was HIV in 1984 which definitely put a break on a lot of things for many people.

A few have touched on different attitudes to marriage itself.
I think some view it now like everything has to be sorted before you marry so career in place, own a nice home, have ticked off various things like travelling whereas it was more viewed as we will grow into things together. Young couples often lived in starter homes, mismatched furniture donated by family - my husband’s nan gave us a smoke stained chest of drawers.
Weddings were more a community thing. Workmates would be invited to the evening do. I remember going with my mum to watch a neighbour’s daughter get married - we weren’t invited people stood outside church. When we got married people like our friends parents gave us cards.

My mom was 18 when she met my dad who was 30 and they married when she was 21. Wouldn’t be happy about that now if I had an 18yo dd!

Buying a house with a 100% or even 110% mortgage was achievable at a young age in those days.

We got married in 2000. My parents in law didn’t allow us to share a room in their house until we were married, even though we lived together.

People in their twenties were generally more mature years ago.

I can’t comment on that because I never had any comments.

but all my friends then were living in house shares, not with their parents, or with their boyfriends.

I lived with my boyfriend for two years before we got married. By that point many of my friends who had been in house shares (and regularly had boyfriends or girlfriends stay the night) had bought a house with or were renting with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

my friends were mostly from uni and we got jobs after uni at our uni town or in London so parental disapproval if any was a long way away.

To get out of their parents house, to have sex without judgment or censure, lack of other opportunities and for many women way to get out of their fathers house.

Sure they were. What a load of tosh.

I think marriage has just decreased in importance, and is lower priority than buying a house for most couples.

Most parents will not be paying for their children's wedding these days, and costs and expectations of weddings are high.

You could argue that weddings aren't important, and you can get married very cheap. But also - you can just not bother doing it at all, and while you are young and pre-kids, it doesn't really change anything.

MIL was 14 when she met FIL who was 21. They married when she was 18. 14y old DD was talking about it tonight as she says she feels weird about it because at 14 herself, if a 21y old showed any interest in her she’d 1) call the police 2) tell me 3) block him 🤣 although she acknowledges MIL and FIL are now in their late 80’s and are still devoted to each other. I try to just smile and nod when this conversation comes up, because they are wonderful in laws and superb grandparents, but a 21y old ‘courting’ a 14y old 🤢

No, you think because you miss the point, they were quoting how much it cost to buy a house then as opposed to now and I am pointing out we had different expectations then. Buying a house is a luxury now, just like me saving for a phone was a luxury then. Unemployment was far higher in the early 80's than it is now,

You pick up on the fact I did not have a phone and you say it is not a luxury commodity now, I used the phone box, kids now can use their mobile but you do not pick up on the fact that there was no central heating, no proper washer. We had lower expectations of our lifestyle and our social expectations, There are far more opportunities now for women and much higher expectations for a standard of living that are showcased every day on social media.

I didn't expect to buy a house and still take holidays or buy furniture at 21. It was tough. I knew that once kids came along it would be harder. As women, our expectation were lower then. That's a positive and a negative comment but its relevant.

My gran had a current account without her husbands knowledge, it was her escape plan, no man signed for her. My mum had one too but I have said she had to have a male guarantor for her mortgage in 1973. That was grossly unfair as her ex husband, the man that had cheated on her, acted as guarantor and there was no-one else. It was abuse in my mind.

My families experience is that women did get bank accounts without male support, it was mortgages that were the issue. Your point of view and mine can be true at the same time.

Very dependant on where you were and possibly social circles.
Maybe the upper classes got away with it but it still wasn't the done thing in working class towns.

I know a teacher in a Catholic school who was scared to say she was living in sin - they did end up with a shotgun wedding!

I lived in the Middle East. Living together with a chap outside marriage was illegal - we could both be stoned to death. Marriage seemed like a sensible option. But in any case, it was pretty normal in those days to marry in your early twenties.

you couldn't manage to lock a man down til your thirties

wow, you actually had that thought, typed it out and posted it, in the belief that it was a sick burn. how embarrassing for you

I think unemployment might have been higher but their were more quality jobs. And people worked full time.

We seem to be in a era of lots of people struggling to get full-time work and millions on minium wage

Congratulations! Was it love or taxes ? ( or both!)
I waited until I was 53 :-)

Where I live, yes. For religious reasons.

That last sentence is a bit cruel! I think the fact is that women now have options, they can chose not to marry without being a "spinster", someone to be derided.
They might not want to "lock a man down!".

If you find love at any age, that is great, but the truth is that in years gone by, marriage was the expectation and it was sometimes for security and not love, because the options for women were limited. Well certainly for the working classes.

Nonsense.