To sleep in the car tonight ?

[ezzzyboy]

Dh and I both had a long day at work. I was telling him tonight that all I wanted was a hot dinner before I went out because I am so cold. He suggested my favourite takeaway.. He ordered on the app, added DC order too .. and then placed the order. I was like "what about me" ???? Dh said he didn't think I wanted anything ... err i had just spent 20 minutes telling you.I was so cold and was looking forward to a hot dinner tonight. Dh got shitty, i stormed out. Went to the local cheap eat place for a table for 1 .. they were fully booked.

I feel like turning my phone off all eve. Im now at a friend's house. And maybe sleeping in the car. That will give him something to worry out.

It's been an awful week in general. My mental health is shot to pieces. Despite that, I do everything for everybody at home. Only to be treated like this.

This is the straw that broke the camels back for me

Even if it’s not her dc the impact on dc should still be considered surely.

Are you always passive aggressive?

Is his claim that you said that you "didn't want dinner" something that he could have reasonably interpreted from something you actually said, or did he make it up?

Perhaps you should read OP's posts again because it sounds a pretty deliberate and intentional exclusion of OP from the food arrangements to me.

Glad you came home. So he deliberately ignored you when placing his order, knowing you were hungry and wanted a hot meal. Cruel and vindictive. Don't take the bait and have a row as he will use this to validate his behaviour. Keep any conversation neutral while you are deciding what your next step is. Try and have a good night's sleep and evaluate tomorrow. Take care 💐

I’ve written and re written several responses to this, but deleted them as they were pretty rude and would have been deleted. So all I’ve been left with is this;

What the fuck are you talking about?

The OP is talking about one takeaway on one evening and you’ve taken that and concocted an alternative reality where she’s having unnecessary takeaways five nights a week instead of paying her heating bill. I genuinely don’t know how you’re expecting me to respond to you.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with your MH @ezzzyboy. 💐

Having read your last post, I can see how your DH might have mistakenly completed the order without thinking. Things like that can happen when people are in autopilot mode, rather than because they don't care about you.

What I would have done in that situation is claim at least half of the takeaway ordered by my DH for himself, and possibly all of it. If he made the mistake of forgetting to order enough for both adults then he is the one who should go without. Sounds like a "natural consequence" to me.

I would let him know quickly that would be happening though, so he has time to order more (even though it is annoying to pay to delivery charges again)/cook some pasta/microwave a potato for his food. And maybe he'll not go into autopilot next time.

If my husband wouldn't agree to the above, though, then I'd be having a further think about whether there was more going on (perhaps his MH, perhaps our relationship, etc).

All the best. I hope you sleep well and are able to address this in the morning with him. 💐🫂

How in God's name are people managing to twist this around to the DH "making a mistake"??? Like, wtf?!

He sat beside the OP and deliberately excluded her from the takeaway order!

@ezzzyboy I hope you're OK, and I'm so sorry your "D"H behaved like such a cnut to you. Is this a regular thing?

She was going out, he thought he was in on his own with the kid, he got mixed up.

you’re projecting your own issues onto this.

@ezzzyboy did you manage to get yourself a dinner tonight or go to bed hungry?

I disagree. He intentionally failed to feed her, he didn't even check before pressing send like a normal person would. And yeah, it was a nasty move. You see this kind of behaviour again and again on the Relationship board.

What was he punishing you for @ezzzyboy ? Was it because you were going out?

Seems like your usual mode of communication is dramatic, over the top and accusational.

You could have calmly asked him to please phone and add xx for you.

Try to have some quick meal ingredients at home for you all. Eggs, soup, toasties, fish fingers.

As a separate issue, ask your DH to catch the bus sometimes.

Reallocate some household chores. If DH pulled his weight more you might feel less resentful.

Use your energy to put positive changes in place rather than to fume, rant and sleep in the car.

She was going out, he misunderstood that she needed to eat too…it’s not that big of a deal. Yes he was thick and he should have checked but nobody had food withheld from them. The simplest fix would have been to put in a second order…easy

too late for this post now. But don’t sleep in your car. That isn’t going to make a statement so much as punishing yourself like sending a dog outside to sleep in a kennel for the night.

If you’re going to stay with this man who cares so little for your well being you are going to have to get a lot more direct and assertive.

massive over reaction

She talked about how much she wanted a hot meal while picking him up from work. He ordered while sitting next to her from her favorite takeaway, excluding her. She said what about me?? A direct question. He got shitty. How did you read that and focus on her leaving the house when he got shitty as her being passive aggressive?

Seems like your comprehension skills are lacking and your bar for acceptable behaviour is on the floor. She literally says that this is the straw that has broken the camel’s back. Does this sound like just a one off example of thoughtless and selfish behaviour to you? It’s very clearly not just about the food, it’s about a clear lack of respect, love, care and pulling his weight.

Also, why the fuck should she need to reallocate household chores? Nobody appointed her chief housekeeper, cook and bottle washer. He has eyes in his head and as a grown man, I think we can safely assume he doesn’t believe in fairies, so who does he think keeps everything running at home, while working, raising a child and going through peri menopause while her mh is dancing out the door? He’s not a teenager who needs teaching how to run a home and she’s his wife, supposedly his equal partner, not his mum.

Positive changes my arse. She’s already running herself ragged and now she’s responsible for teaching him how to be a grown up as well?

Those who have experienced this behaviour by a DH completely understand where OP is coming from.

Those who haven’t, don’t understand and will never understand.

If you don’t see what OP is going through, then your posts come across as unfeeling, unpleasant and insensitive.

OP, I don’t know if this is a one-off that caught you on a bad day, or the latest in a line of niggles but definitely something to think about.