Teen not understanding how much things cost...

[HeyUpDuckie]

This month has been expensive Ive already spent £300 on my teen this month so he could go to London on a residential.
He's now asking me for £60 to go out with his mates tomorrow to do some activity along with a lift (its a hours drive.)

I don't have the funds for this Ive tried to explain its before pay day and I dont get paid yet so its not possible and to try and arrange something after but hes not having it. He has autism and struggles to understand the concept of money as does his mates.
I remember being a teen and just hanging around my mates houses but my sons mates always want to go out and do really costly things.
Aibu to say no this one time?

Not at all. When I say no I offer an alternative like hanging out at home.

Money isn’t infinite and they need to learn it at some point…

Of course you’re not being unreasonable your son needs to learn the harsh reality of the world. Things cost money and you need to work for money. Is he old enough to get a weekend job to teach him the value of money?

You also wouldn't be unreasonable to say no more than "this one time".

If he's a teen, give him an allowance. Tell him what he needs to cover with it for the month. And if it runs out, it runs out and he's stuck until the next month.
I get that he's autistic, but the way anyone learns is getting the opportunity to practice.

It's a useful life lesson that's best to learn early.

Ive tried saying they are welcome here but they all live dotted around the county (sen school) so he keeps saying they would struggle to get here yet they're fine traveling a hour away to do things. Not very logical. He doesn't understand that ive already spent a fortune this month on him alone.

How are you teaching him about money ? Does he get pocket money? Birthday and Christmas money to manage himself ? They learn eventually

but “sorry can’t do that, it’s a bummer isn’t it ?”

Of he's capable of going out with his mates independently hes capable of unsetstanding the concept of money. Im a single parent to two teens, both ND and have quite recently sat them down with some actual round number figures of what I ear, what the mortgage is etc. With one of them I have also moved now from pocket money to a more generous allowance, but with the unsetstandi.g that that is it. I won't be buying her clothes, aside from school stuff and basic like underwear. Cosmetics, days out with friends are up to her and she has to budget. Its made them realise what a % of their total one top can cost, how long a month is til getting a top up and that you can only spend money once.

@WrylyAmused he has an allowance. This month between spends for London and his pocket money hes had £400 and spent the lot!

YANBU. Do not back down. If you do, it will teach him that he will get his way if he harangues you.

you just keep having to repeat yourself

grit your teeth and count to ten and sorry to say , it may be another 10 years before it sinks in

Then he needs to learn that when it's gone it's gone.

Is he good at maths? Do some basic maths with him
The more you give him the less he'll understand
When you say teen? 13? 17?

Great start.
Next step is enforcing it.
If you always give in, of course he'll keep asking. The only way it becomes real to him is when there's consequences to him.

As pp said, if he's capable of going out independently with mates, he's capable of understanding money. It's just not been in his interests to do so so far in his life.

15. Hes okay at maths but money he struggles with (he has a learning disability) and seems to think it grows on trees. Some months hes good at saving then the next month he will just spend the lot!

you have given him £400 !!! Not suprised he does not understand about money

That’s just their age

they do learn eventually

No, you don’t have any allowance left’ Tough love, but a great lesson!

Does he need more help to understand the concept of money. IDK, but thinking something more visual than ‘e-money’?

I'd be giving him and allowance and when it's gone it's gone!

I don't think the school trip should be counted in that though.

My ds 17 has asd. Still manages a pt job waiting tables.
He gets bus and lunch money for college and thats all.

Can you give us an example of how these conversations go? Might help identify the root of the problem, which bit he's struggling with etc, or does he think you DO have the money, or does he think you having more going in/less going out than you actually do.

No that £300 was spending money! I paid for the trip separately.

He's not having it? It doesn't matter if he's having it or not. If you're not prepared to give him £60 quid, he wont' be able to go. He can spend the day pondering on that and maybe work out the concept of money in vs money out.

He thinks i have the money and just saying no. Ive tried to explain about bills, the cost of living etc it goes in one ear and out the other.

It’s just his age. They often seem to regress at age 15 or 16 into hopeless incompetence - conveniently expecting you to pick up the slack.

Just say “that’s what your pocket money is for, I know it’s tough but I can’t afford to give you more.”

... it's also ok to have the money, and just say no.

Hes not at the point of being able to work part time even when hes sixteen. He needs a lot of help still. He does preparing for adulthood but I dont know if they've really explained about the cost of things etc.

Until they have to fully manage their own money for everything they do struggle to understand

especially if their memories are that mummy always manages wonder things