AIBU? Sister in Law

[laughterworry0]

My sister in law, is lovely - but her character can be sometimes dismissive and she’s been rude to my mum on multiple occasions, since having her son / my nephew / my mums grandson.

we follow each other on Vinted and I noticed, she put a lamb teddy up like a soft snuggly toy, for £1.50. I realised, this is the one my nan ( so her son’s great nan ) brought her son for Easter as my son and daughter got one too.

AIBU that this has majorly peed me off?! My Nans 86. I feel she should be holding onto things she buys her son, and I feel my brother should say something!

That just means she’s sentimental with her family as you say clearly your brother however isn’t.

She loves things because her granny or aunty. The same love and treasure for your side would come from your brother.

If I love something from my family doesn’t mean I’d feel the same about something of dh’s from his same relative it would be up to him what we did or didn’t do with that item as it’s from His family.

@laughterworry0 That's quite a drip feed. She's critically ill. And yes, she will prioritise her family, cos it's her family. Like you are prioritising yours.

YABU.

Keep your beak out.

It's 'bought', not 'brought':

I buy, I have bought;
I bring, I have brought.

This is a real possibility. I am quite sentimental about stuff, and my DH doesn’t care at all. It will be me saying “but so and so bought that for DD!” And he’ll just be ruthless - like “what, are we going to keep every single thing they get bought forever?”

I have taken stuff to the charity shop or sold it on Vinted and it isn’t because I don’t want to keep it! We have a small house and I do understand the need to get rid of what doesn’t get used.

The thing is your being sentimental about the toy and who bought it is personal. Some folk are just not sentimental whatsoever. Plus, once a gift is given a person doesn't get a say what happens to it.
Sorry OP! I am sentimental like you but you can't dictate how others live. I like the poster who said buy it. Then at least the toy is kept in the family!!

None of your business. If it mattered that much to your brother, she wouldn’t be selling it.

"I mean, your grandmother isn’t her grandmother, and as the baby’s mother she gets to say what stays/goes. "

WTF? She's presumably the grandmother of the baby's father who can choose to keep the gift.

I kept cuddly toys that I felt had sentimental value. Turns out DS didn't have any connection with them at all, and can't really remember playing with them.

If you want to keep stuff for YOUR sentimental reasons then that's fine, but it's unreasonable to expect others to do the same.

However, I would consider what I bought the child in future if I thought mum was going to sell it six months later.

Sorry to hear about your nan.

I feel my brother should say something

Maybe it was his idea.
Maybe he doesn’t share your view on this.

YABU. Don't be ridiculous.

This.
Maybe the OP could send her SIL a full itinerary timeframe for anything she or her family have given with an explicit date for when SIL will allow her to part with it judgement free.

My husband has had to be convinced over years that the hoodie his aunt buys him every December isn't an heirloom. His collection reached 16 (minus a bit of sneaky wastage to charity shops by me) before he even accepted that it was insane to get the same thing every year.

I have a December birthday and get 2-3 scarves from his side of the family every year (record was four). Unless I actually like them, they all go straight to the charity shop with my husband mumbling "my poor gran" in the background.

Aw this thread seems very cruel OP. Your grandma is critically ill and people are calling her gifts 'clutter'. I've got about eight fifty year old teddies sitting on my bookcase so maybe I'm biased.

I’m not quite that bad 😂 but my DDs got so many stuffed toys and little things like that when they were newborns and I would be saying “but this one is from your dad! But this one is from your brother!” and my DH would be saying “she doesn’t play with it, it just sits there! There’s going to be more at Christmas, more at their birthdays” etc - he is right and our house is tiny (and we both have big families), but it wasn’t easy for me to let it all go.

I don’t tend to feel the same about clothes - they’re something that gets worn out, so I just don’t feel sentimental about them. It’s funny though because I can see what you mean about all the hoodies building up, and my DH obviously saw all the toys as being similarly unimportant. I don’t think I’ll ever quite let go of the sentimental streak about certain things, but I do know that stuffed toys do not equal the love my or DH’s family feel for our DC!

Why is it always the woman who gets the blame? Why not your brother?

OP, is there anything objectively special - as in other than who gifted it - about the toy? Is it homemade, personalised etc..? If not, your SIL may not even realise who gave it to them if they have dozens of cuddly toys (as most parents do). You obviously had a natural attachment to yours that she didn’t, because it was from your nan and she’s understandably uppermost in your thoughts at the moment.

You have the toy your nan bought for your baby. Treasure that instead of worrying what your brother and SIL are doing.

You understand not everyone has the room? It’s also quite unusual to have so many stuffed toys as an adult.

I think maybe this is about your worries over your nan and you're sort of looking for something else. It's hard when a GP is ill.

Does everything have to be a man's fault? This place sometimes...

Because everyone always blames the women. Be it the sons mothers or in this case the son’s sister.

Couldn’t possibly be him. No clearly she has him by the balls and everything is controlled by her. These poor poor men either hugely controlled or with zero brain cells to do anything themselves according to their own dear mothers and sisters.

That's awful. Reminds me of a story where a woman throws out something her MIL bought her, that was precious to her. Unless they are incredibly hard up, there's no excuse. I would never disrespect any family member in this way. Even with friends who weren't particularly close, I tried to dress my kids in clothes they'd given when they visited, or put toys/blankets they'd got them beside the kids. Yes, eventually you can't keep everything, but it's nice to offer it to other members of the family when it gets to that stage, rather than put it on Vinted! Again, the exception is if they really need the money.

Stop stalking her on vinted for a start!!

OP is clearly upset (even if she’s probably better off not looking at the SIL’s Vinted account) yet there’s three pages of people putting the boot in 🙄

I am not a soft toy person at all, but I would think a gift from a great grandmother was special.
The sort of thing that might end up in a memory box, a gift from someone special in your father's family.

Sorry OP, that you are the recipient of an MN kicking.