AIBU? Sister in Law

[laughterworry0]

My sister in law, is lovely - but her character can be sometimes dismissive and she’s been rude to my mum on multiple occasions, since having her son / my nephew / my mums grandson.

we follow each other on Vinted and I noticed, she put a lamb teddy up like a soft snuggly toy, for £1.50. I realised, this is the one my nan ( so her son’s great nan ) brought her son for Easter as my son and daughter got one too.

AIBU that this has majorly peed me off?! My Nans 86. I feel she should be holding onto things she buys her son, and I feel my brother should say something!

Absolutely wildly unreasonable.

I bloody hate when people buy soft / cuddly toys for my kids. I don't need anymore. They aren't sentimental to us as a family.

What business is it of yours what she sells? You'd be none the wiser if she chucked it on the bin.

Idk, I think both.

I would most likely buy it off her from a secret account if it’s sentimental to me but you can’t do that every time she tries to sell something.

But I see why you’re upset!!! But also, she may have zero attachment to it so not a big deal to her.

YABVVU

I’d say buy it yourself for safekeeping, but I’m not recommending Vinted to anyone at the mo tbh. I’m actively persuading people to swerve it…

It's hardly a sentimental item, it's seasonal crap.

Not everyone is sentimental like you are and that's okay. Your SIL hasn't done anything wrong. I've still got the first teddy my nan bought my eldest so I do understand why you want to hold on to things but we're not all the same.

YABU. Lots of people don't feel attached to "stuff". Doesn't mean they're wrong (or right, for that matter).

OP if your mum is critically ill, is it possible you’re projecting some of your anger and grief at impending loss onto your SiL’s actions?

A soft toy a.present from his great grandma is "taking up space" ?

Nan is critically ill.

I understand why you're upset. You love your nan and don't want to see the gifts she gave treated as unwanted junk. It feels dismissive and unappreciative of her, and denies your nephew the chance of a keepsake that tells him when he's old enough he had another relative who cared for him.
However, its not something you can do anything about. Your SiL doesn't see your nan or the importance of her gift as you do. To her its just another unwanted toy that has no sentimental value.
Why not ask your brother if you can have it, then you can show it to your nephew and explain about your nan at some point yourself?

@laughterworry0 I don't think youare BU honestly i don't think you should keep everything but it is a toy that they imo could have kept.

Fair enough, I misjudged the room. I guess I’m attached too it as it’s likely the only thing my nephew has been brought and will have brought by his great grandmother. She’s very sentimental towards her families things and stuff as we see it all over the social media and rammed down our throats in group chats, I guess she thinks different about her partners family. I’ll shut up now.

I would buy it back.

Your brother might have suggested she put it on vinted. Might not just be her choice. And, as someone else said, they may have had two. Try not to let it upset you too much. You have you memories and items.

You're very negative about her saying things like "rammed down our throats". How old is her baby?

Buy it.

Why did you start off by saying she’s lovely? You have called her dismissive and rude, plus all of this passive aggressive info about how she’s ramming how important her family is down your throats. There is clearly a divide between your family and her, why would she cherish a toy coming from people who don’t seem to like her?

Its clutter

Its not a priceless heirloom. Here's a grip.

Stop reading her Vinted.

To be honest, I think SIL is doing the right thing by minimising things to keep "just because"...my mum kept LOADS of my baby things and she keeps trying to pass them onto me now. I have no attachment to them because I have no memory of them as I was too young, they just take up space in my home and many are unsuitable for my DC due to changes in safety standards.

Try to remember that the things mothers keep for their children are really about the mother's attachment to things, not a mark of the child's relationship with the gift giver.

Also remember that people using vinted are doing the planet a favour by allowing someone else to buy things they want without a new item coming into circulation - it's not just being mercenary and selling for profit. There is no point a soft toy sitting in a loft for 30 years, then brought down all smelly and damp and going into the bin (or coming down in perfect condition but still being unwanted).

Nothing worse than a million teddies or whatever just because.

Bin bags on teddies in my loft because they must be kept just because. You know what though? I bet when I die and my children clear out the house then will just bin the lot. They won’t remember that great aunt dotty got then the teddy that only has one eye or whatever

i think you’ve uncovered why you’re annoyed here

Have you told her how much you dislike her?
Honestly you sound like like you hate her so I'd say there's more to this

Sorry, misread.

still, the same question applies.

Edit to add: though now I see your update it looks more like you just don’t like her and don’t hold your (I assume) brother responsible for maintaining relationships between his DC and your family.