Am I being overprotective about my DS going on camp with cubs?

[Nordicdaydream]

My DS (8) has been offered a place on a cub’s camp for two nights at the beginning of December, which he’s excited about.
The only thing I’m really struggling with is the journey. They’re going on a Friday evening, so it will be dark, and it’s around two hours away, including motorway driving. They’ll be travelling in a minibus with one of the camp leaders driving.
I keep worrying about the possibility of them having a motorway accident, and the thought of something happening to my little boy is really frightening me. Especially as it’ll be dark and potentially foggy/bad weather conditions.

I know accidents can happen anywhere and that motorway journeys are a normal part of life, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about the journey and all the things that could go wrong.
I don’t want my anxiety to stop him from having exciting experiences and becoming more independent, especially if it’s something he’ll really enjoy. But equally, I’m finding it hard to feel comfortable with him being so far away from me.

Am I being unreasonable and overprotective, or is this a reasonable thing to worry about? Would you let your 8 year old go (he’s only just turned 8) and is there anything you’d want to check with the camp beforehand?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing from other parents, particularly those whose children have been on similar camps. Please be kind, as I know some of this is probably my anxiety talking.

I voted YANBU... Because it's really tough as a parent to let your kid do stuff like this. I also agree that two hours is a long way away for a first camp, especially if he does miss you. It would probably be vastly easier if it were one thirty minutes away and you were driving him there.

However, you can't keep your child "locked in a tower" for fear of losing them. You have to let them do these things even if it's really terrifying for you. You just smile and wave them off.

I can remember the first time my 8 year old daughter went away with the brownies for 3 nights. They were staying in a hostel a couple of hours away. First time away from home and me, so it was a big issue, but she was so excited and a couple of schoolfriends were going too. We had to write a letter for our child and give to the leaders to take with them. (It was the early 1980s). I didn't sleep for 3 nights even though I knew and trusted the leaders who had my landline number. They all had a brilliant time and got to open their letters the first morning there. When she got home she said 'why did you write to me, not everyone's mum did?' I said it was because others were older, and she said they all got the same badge! Three years later my 8 year old son went away 5 days camping with cubs. I didnt bat an eyelid. On return his bag was still neatly packed, and his washbag unopened! He said his six had won a prize for having the neatest tent! He loved it. Later at 11 he went camping in Jersey with school and really enjoyed it. These are great experiences for our children and help them with independence and socialisation. But yes it is initially an anxious time for most mums but well worth putting up with !

I’ve been involved with our local scout group & have seen parents hold their kids back due to their own anxiety. Please don’t do that. Your son will have so much fun, & grow & learn so much on camp &, in all honesty, some of that comes from being independent from you. Take deep breaths & let him go.

Please don’t clip your son’s wings because you have anxiety you clearly need help with. He sounds like he’s really looking forward to it and cabin camping in the winter can be a ton of fun. If I’ve read things right it’s two DAYS?? you’re not waving him off for two weeks ffs.

I would be ok with this but I’m a generally laid back parent about these things. DS has 3 night long weekends with grandparents without much thought from me. DS goes to France to stay with my brother for holidays without a parent being present. He’s only four now but he would happily skip off on a camp like this. No issue and I probably wouldn’t worry.

one thing I never worry about is motorway safety. They are pretty safe roads.

we live in Cumbria and weather is generally worse feb:mar then December.

Get some ashwaganda and talking therapy ?

If he wants to go with his cub friends you should let him. You need help with your anxiety. It's important h is allowed to develop with his friends.

I’m a brownie leader and camps were cancelled last year because of the number of parents who wouldn’t allow their children to go to camp. It’s such a shame.
as mentioned previously you could always drive him yourself. You could even stay in a nearby b&b if you’re really concerned

I was a cub leader and even way back when, to drive a minibus I needed to sit a test. The Scout movement insisted on them. Your son will have a great time, you dont say if he will be indoors or camping outside. No matter which way he will enjoy being out in the dark, yes there will be activities in dark and daylight. Be orepared for him to be exhausted when he gets back.

My daughter did her first cub camp at 8, her 2nd week at cubs. My son was 6 with beavers. They have both gone onto doing week long UK camps international camps, including the South Korea Jamboree a couple of years ago. Their Beaver / Cub leader always had a meeting a week or so before to fill in details of what they would be doing, sleeping arrangements, food etc and opportunity to ask questions, maybe that would help. They have both loved every minute and have had amazing opportunities.

Oh phew! I did think it was a bit cold for camping!

Please find a way to feel ok with him going - our school does trips with an overnight from yr2 and it is really good at getting the kids used to it. My eldest is 16 and I can see how it's changed over the years - half the class don't want to go on the yr6 residential (youngest's class) this year because they "don't want to be away from home". It's such a stark difference from when my eldest was that age, it's actually quite sad to see all these kids who are too scared - especially when most of this fear seems to have originated in their parents.

Yes you need help for your anxiety. My son has been going on camps with Beavers and Cubs since he was in Year one. He absolutely loves it and has made so many friends and learned lots of skills. Not to mention the character building and Independence. It is unfair of you to stop your son having these opportunities because of your anxiety.

I am sure your son will have a brilliant time. Just trust the people in charge and let him go and enjoy himself. Try not to display any of your anxieties in front of him. It will be fine!

My son went on 3 cub camps at that age-ish. As far as I know, he enjoyed it. I used to pack a great list of required things including a cake & send off all smart. He would return looking like something from Lord of the Flies & someone else's gear. I worry about him more now (he's nearly 50) than I did then, probably because I was younger & also because you can't catastrophise about every single thing your child does, even if you want to. They'll never leave home if you do.

I always feel the same OP and my 11yo hasn’t gone on a weekend camp yet because I dont feel they’re ready.

Please don’t let him see your anxiety - it’ll rub off on him and change his outlook

What a shame

And yours will be the one of those who can’t cope with leaving home/being an adult.

Assuming your DC has wanted to go away, then is really sad and disproportionately over protective.

Will they?

where’s your evidence for this?

my child has plenty of sleepovers, has been on a week long school residential and done one night camps with scouts plenty of times.

they are however not ready to disappear to the other end of the country and sleep in a hammock for the weekend with zero contact with me.

not quite sure why I am justifying my parenting decisions with a stranger on the internet who knows fuck all about me or my child but hey ho…

as an aside, I could be a complete twat and respond in kind couldn’t I? ‘And yours will be an adult who felt like their parent shipped them off at every opportunity because they didn’t like them’ - see now a snapshot and narrow minded view can be twisted into something obscene and malicious? Think before you type!

🙄 They’re 11, not 18. As a parent you have to make decisions your child may not like. I’m not their friend, I am their mother. They’ll go when they’re ready, which isn’t yet.

But based on your update they actually HAVE been on a week long residential, which is not the impression you gave in your previous post. So I'm not sure why going away for a week is preferable to going away for a weekend. Is it the difference between it being with school and with scouts?

You are not unreasonable to worry, which is natural, but you would be unreasonable to stop your son going. Him being only just 8 has no bearing on the safety of the transport arrangements. I would worry similarly, however! It’s not easy to let go of control like this, but it is necessary.

It sounds like a good way for him to get that experience.

If he’s keen to go, that’s lovely and suggests a level of confidence and desire for adventure.

If it reassures you at all, you could ask to see the risk assessments, which will be comprehensive for the drive and other aspects of the trip. Though if you suffer with anxiety then I recognise that the brain will likely go ‘Yes, I can see this is comprehensive risk assessment, but what if…’. In which case it might just be better to separate your anxiety from the trip itself and deal with them separately.

But the cub might be ready. What if his mother isn't? When might she feel 'ready' ?