Am I being overprotective about my DS going on camp with cubs?

[Nordicdaydream]

My DS (8) has been offered a place on a cub’s camp for two nights at the beginning of December, which he’s excited about.
The only thing I’m really struggling with is the journey. They’re going on a Friday evening, so it will be dark, and it’s around two hours away, including motorway driving. They’ll be travelling in a minibus with one of the camp leaders driving.
I keep worrying about the possibility of them having a motorway accident, and the thought of something happening to my little boy is really frightening me. Especially as it’ll be dark and potentially foggy/bad weather conditions.

I know accidents can happen anywhere and that motorway journeys are a normal part of life, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about the journey and all the things that could go wrong.
I don’t want my anxiety to stop him from having exciting experiences and becoming more independent, especially if it’s something he’ll really enjoy. But equally, I’m finding it hard to feel comfortable with him being so far away from me.

Am I being unreasonable and overprotective, or is this a reasonable thing to worry about? Would you let your 8 year old go (he’s only just turned 8) and is there anything you’d want to check with the camp beforehand?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing from other parents, particularly those whose children have been on similar camps. Please be kind, as I know some of this is probably my anxiety talking.

The more you do these things, the easier it gets. I was an anxious parent too, you have to deal with it yourself and not let it show. Experience teaches you that things will most likely be fine and if they’re not you can only deal with it as it comes. Worrying is pointless.

Your brain goes to the worst case scenario’s. You can train yourself out of this by recognising that it is an intrusive thought and sort of communicating with it. Your anxious brain is in overdrive trying to keep everything safe, you can imagine it as a worried little being that lives inside you and tell it “don’t worry, everything is okay..” and counter it with rational thoughts such as - there will be adults responsible for your child, there will be risk assessments taken, a road accident is highly unlikely.. etc.

I’d highly recommend anxiety medication too, it really takes the edge off.

Could you let him go but stay somewhere locally so that if he does have a wobble and needs you/to come home then you’re not far away?
The driving aspect wouldn’t bother me, and I hate driving and avoid it at all costs but I’d trust that the person driving them was capable, clean driving licence etc to have been chosen as the designated driver.
At 8 only one of mine would have wanted to go away from home with a group, I would have been nervous about it but he’s never needed the extra hand hold the others have, thankfully he didn’t go far until around 10, my others wouldn’t have considered it.
You know your child best, if he’s desperate to go then you’ll have to grit your teeth and wave him off cheerfully (and cry inside, I’m now banned from waving off on trips because I’m a crier!)

I have been going away on camps for at least 40 years, firstly as a Brownie, Guide and Ranger and since as a leader. Nobody has ever had to go home for being homesick and accidents have been few and far between and never in the coach/minibus.

The girls have always enjoyed it, whatever the weather, obviously they don't all enjoy every single aspect of it but always enough to make them want to stay and ask when the next one will be

OP, I am really sorry you are feeling so nervous about this. I think there are two things at play. I think it is normal to wonder if your child will have a good time on camp. I think everyone does a bit. Mine camped from Year 3 and did a week long overseas in Year 6 with scouts and while I wasn't worried, it is always nice to know they've had a good time. They usually do. I think it's good for everyone.

The second thing is your very specific worry about motorways at night in potential fog. I think that is less normal and might be worth getting some help with, if that is at all possible. I think it could be a bit limiting and won't automatically improve over time. You'll be more confident about him being away from home but he'll be being driven on a motorway potentially for quite a long time and then driving himself.

It is possible that if you can suspend your disbelief for this trip you'll be better for it when he comes back having had a great time. There will be many trips away ahead with school, cubs and other activity clubs and you both might benefit from building your capacity and resilience. But you don't have to. He's your kid and it's your call. I would advise against telling him why you don't want to go if you decide against it. Anxiety can be taught to kids all too easily by accident and I'm sure you'd like him to avoid it if at all possible.

Cubs leaders do this all the time and will take very good care of him, in my experience, if that provides any reassurance. Are there other parents you know who are sending their cubs? If I am unsure about things, sometimes I do reassure myself that other parents whose opinion I trust have also made the same decision.

YABU

With respect you are letting your anxiety dictate what you son can or can't do. I am a leader within scouting but also have experience of Girlguiding. These trips are risk assessed to an inch of their lives. Trust me leaders volunteering will not want to put themselves at risk personally by not being thorough especially when it comes to moving children around.

If he wants to go please let him go, he'll have the best time.

DD had only just turned 7 and did two camps over the summer. She doesn't go to school with the other girls so it was a huge step for her. She loved it and is raving about wanting to go on pack holiday next half term. That'll be 5 nights away in total before she is even 8.

All cub/scout trips are very much voluntary and you can be part of it without going on night away if you choose. Often troops don't take everyone in international jamborees anyway, some people are on holiday etc. It's not something you have to endure to take part in scouting. Everyone is welcome to do what they feel they can. It's deliberately inclusive.

There are far more posts saying you should let him go, why aren't you taking notice of these. You are putting your anxiety discomfort above the needs if your son. I hope you don't talk to your son about your anxieties as you could easily transfer them onto him

And he never will unless there's a first time.

My only reservation would be camping in December??

What an odd time of year to do it - likely to be freezing cold overnight and pissing down all day!

It is likely to be an indoor residential.
All overnights tend to be known as 'camps'.

If it helps you - the rules for driving minibuses full of Scouts are really strict. There will have been a full risk assessment done and submitted to the District nights away approver before the event can even happen. This will usually require that the leader has undergone MiDAS driver training, and that there will be two drivers, one actually at the wheel and one relief.

Yes it’s indoor camping. Cabins, not tents.

It's really encouraging that he's been away on a one night camp before and, presumably, if we wants to go again, enjoyed it? Did his dad say he had any problems while he was away or did he cope with it well? Could his dad volunteer again at this camp?

He clearly enjoyed it if he wants to go again and is excited about going. He will be fine. He clearly feels comfortable with going for two nights.

No road journey is ever 100% safe but nor is anything else. But UK roads are among the safest in the world. Someone could be in a collision whilst walking on the pavement, get an injury playing sport, fall down stairs at home. All sorts of things. There’s a risk with everything including motorway travel. The risk is incredibly low though and it would be a huge shame if you let your incorrect perception of the level of risk associated with motorway driving prevent your son doing trips away. He’ll probably have school residential trips, and other events with school as well coming up. Are you going to say no to them all?

Don't let your mental health issues adversely affect your son's life.

Cub and Brownie camps are excellent experiences. My children have so many amazing memories from them and I am so grateful to Scouting and Guiding for providing them with that.

Your son will have a super time and come home filthy and knackered.

I understand how it works as a former Brownie and Guide myself, and mother of a former Brownie. The point I should have made more clearly is that many children and young people want to join in the activities on offer which involve nights away, so parents need to think the implications through before agreeing their child can join.

If you are a parent who knows they have anxiety, you preferably say 'Overnight stays will make me anxious if he/she wants to go and I will have to deal with that for the good of my child' or (hopefully not ) 'Overnight stays will make me so anxious it will be unbearable so I won't agree to them joining'.

I never (well once) worried about the journey! The only time was a long bus ride to Italy for skiing as my son got car sick, but he was ok.
Really just chill.

Yes perish the thought. A summer camp maybe.

i think your concern should be getting help for your anxiety. If you don’t find a way to manage this you are going to severely impact on your DS going forward. Motorways are our safest roads. Kids going on scout / cub / guide / brownie camps is a very common event and are great to help kids learn about team work , independence and other life skills. I would let him go. Of course we will always worry about our DC safety whatever age they are, but your OP is really about your extreme anxiety.

I don't think I'd like him being 2 hours away if I'm honest!

The issue is yours.

don’t let your son miss out on a great opportunity because of your anxiety

My DS went at 8 for a weeks camp with cubs and loved it. Started a wonderful time that ended with him getting his kings scout award and gold d of e. He came back so polite saying please and thank you much more than before he went! Let him go!

Cubs will be indoors. But scouts and explorers do camp under canvass through the winter. It’s fun with the right equipment.

I am a leader for a uniformed organisation. I have been the minibus driver. I am a calm and confident driver and we have never had an incident.

All of my kids had overnight trips without me from age 6. They loved them.

When I have been the leader, we have never had a serious issue with a nearly 8 year old. If we had a child who couldn't settle, a leader would stay with the child until they fell asleep or, in extremis, we would call parents.

A winter camp can be great fun. With warm coats and wellies, our kids would rum around outside for ages and we had plenty of indoor activities and hot chocolate.

Are they going to Walesby?