Am I being overprotective about my DS going on camp with cubs?

[Nordicdaydream]

My DS (8) has been offered a place on a cub’s camp for two nights at the beginning of December, which he’s excited about.
The only thing I’m really struggling with is the journey. They’re going on a Friday evening, so it will be dark, and it’s around two hours away, including motorway driving. They’ll be travelling in a minibus with one of the camp leaders driving.
I keep worrying about the possibility of them having a motorway accident, and the thought of something happening to my little boy is really frightening me. Especially as it’ll be dark and potentially foggy/bad weather conditions.

I know accidents can happen anywhere and that motorway journeys are a normal part of life, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about the journey and all the things that could go wrong.
I don’t want my anxiety to stop him from having exciting experiences and becoming more independent, especially if it’s something he’ll really enjoy. But equally, I’m finding it hard to feel comfortable with him being so far away from me.

Am I being unreasonable and overprotective, or is this a reasonable thing to worry about? Would you let your 8 year old go (he’s only just turned 8) and is there anything you’d want to check with the camp beforehand?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing from other parents, particularly those whose children have been on similar camps. Please be kind, as I know some of this is probably my anxiety talking.

you need help for your anxiety

Motorways in the the UK are one of the safest modes of transport probably in the world. Maybe Japanese trains beat them but it's incredibly safe. And buses and coaches are the safest mode on a motorway.

So this is about breathing, engaging the logical conscious part of your mind and trying to think of the risks of stifling him.

And I went batshit when DD went to Paris at 15 FFS so I understand.

I do sympathise but you are going to have to trust other people to take care of your child in all sorts of settings. By all means get in touch with the group leader and confirm who will be driving and planning of appropriate rest stops etc. But you really should let him go.

Obviously we all worry about our kids from time to time.

But you're saying you suffer from anxiety which is quite different to being anxious about a motorway journey.

So it begs the question are you getting any help for it?

Yes you are overreacting.

We all worry especially when they are doing new things but you have to let him go. I think maybe you are overly anxious about motorway journeys. Is it something you don't do very often? Obviously accidents can happen but unless you literally wrap them in cotton wool and stop them from doing anything you just have to roll with it and hope for the best.

I would have serious reservations in letting my nearly 8yo go on a 2 day camp, and I’ve been an assistant leader previously,

Do what you feel comfortable with I say.

I think its entirely normal to feel worried about your quite young child going away for a weekend. But you do have a duty to counter that with rational thought. Of all the things your ds does week in, week out, is being driven on a motorway in the dark really the most dangerous? It won't be any safer when he's 10/12/16 - so is he never to be allowed to be away from home? No school trips, no weekends with friends? Not much of a way to live.

To add to that - you can just tell them you’ll drive him yourself if that’s what you want to do.

Yes you are and it sounds like your anxiety is out of control. Get some help with this for your son’s sake.

These experiences are really important to help children build confidence and resilience. Don’t let your neuroses stand in the way of this.

It's a long way for such young children who won't be with best friends like they would on a school trip.

But the journey wouldn't bother me itself.

You could always take him yourself and stay nearby. We've done that in the past for DS who is ASD.

Logically, it makes absolutely no difference if your child is 8, 18 or 28. You still wouldn't really want anything to happen to them. But this doesn't mean that you should let your anxiety prevent them from having a good time.
I am not going to ask you to stop feeling anxious, this is obviously not possible. But what you should do is to still let him go and deal with your anxiety separately while he is away.

The motorway concern seems quite specific but I don’t think it’s unusual to worry about your 8 year old son going away in general.

Less than half of our cubs go on the 2 night residential and the ones that go tend to be the older ones that know the leaders well. Has he been away before? Is he actually keen to go or are you just thinking it’s the done thing as he’s in cubs? Our cubs start with a 1 night stop over which isn’t far from home and parents do the drop offs and pick ups so that seems less intimidating.

Yes you are being overprotective.
You can't just say he's never to travel on a motorway in case he gets in a life threatening accident. That's no way to live your life. In fear of day to day transport situations becoming fatal.

You must realise that thousands and thousands of kids go on coach/minibus trips at all times of day, all year round, with schools and clubs and so on, and have been doing so for many, many decades without a problem. Why do you think your child's situation is somehow different?

@Lillyman can I ask what the reservations you have are please?

There are two questions you need to ask yourself:
Does DS want to go?
Do you trust the organisers?

If the answer to both is yes, you are left with your anxiety, which is yours to manage. Uniformed organisations, sports fixtures and youth orchestras over the ideal way for children and teenagers to learn to be away safely and happily from their parents. To put it another way, the core role of the parent is to create a fully functioning, competent adult. Trips like this are a step along the way.

Yes he wants to go but he’s never been away for two nights before so doesn’t have experience of it .

It's a long way for such young children who won't be with best friends like they would on a school trip.

That's an odd take. How are you extrapolating who their closest friends are, from this ? I mean, setting aside it is fairly probable people are quite likely to be in the same Scout Group as people they are at school with, why do you think 'best friends' couldn't be from outside of school ?

@Nordicdaydream Do you never drive on motorways as a family ? I understand that some parents get anxious the first time their child is away from home, but this seems particularly niche.

@Freshrain we do but I have a big issue wire motorways in general. I’m always extremely anxious on them. I avoid them at night.

It’s not just the motorway, I’m worried about him being away for two nights without us too.

Erm just that they wouldn’t supervise him as closely as I would personally, and to be honest he can be a liability.

I also know I wouldn’t enjoy the two days he was away which is a factor. 8 is still young in my opinion.

The journey wouldn’t be a major concern of mine, I think you can work round that. Hope you figure it out :)

This is your anxiety speaking
Please do not stop your son going and having fun.

I'm a teacher and I've recently experienced this situation.
Mum was anxious, saw problems everywhere and did her best to rationalize her own fears no matter how much we tried to reassure her.
Kid didn't go to camp and missed out on the great time all the other kids had.

Please, please do not make your child a prisoner to your own anxieties.

You need to seek help.

@Nordicdaydream revealing that you have picked up on the one poster expressing reservations and not commented on the numerous posters saying, effectively, it will be fine. So what you have done is come here for advice with a determination to feed your anxiety so you can justify your DS not going. Rather annoying for those of us who have posted in good faith to reassure you.

Typo