MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

I would be so mad if I was off work over Xmas and my MIL sent me a schedule that said “prep veg”

i obviously didnt suggest anything of the kind!

A Christmas schedule, how very warm and festive

Did she send via outlook with acceptance invite?

If so, propose a new meeting time...

So she's available this year and thinks you all have to hop to her schedule!
What does she think the faaaaaamily do when she's normally off on her Christmas holiday?

Of course it's a family Christmas.

Until not that long ago Christmas lasted for 12 days.

Why wouldn't you be having them over for Xmas day then? Shes right, its a time that families usually spend together. Are the two of them on their own for Xmas day?

It sounds as if she's just organised ?
If that doesn't fit in with your plans just say what does ?

Touched a nerve with those posters perhaps? Or it is MIL 😂

We’re having a loose schedule this year because last year was chaotic with no cohesion and everyone was getting miffed and it didn’t feel Christmassy. But by schedule I mean ‘nibbles and champers time’ but if someone goes off for a tummy-full nap we’ll save them some!

Organised? Sounds entitled and controlling to me.

ohhhh same

Haha excellent 😅

Well they always have been, through choice.

There are plenty of reasons that people don’t want to travel to see family for the full length of Christmas, the OP isn’t alone, or unusual, in that.

the fact that MIL expects everyone to fall in line with what she wants this year because she’s suddenly able to holiday at another time would piss me off. As would the scheduled summons.

you invite, and see if the other party would like to accept. It’s has to work for everyone.

Maybe because they have their own lives and family.

The fact that she expects her adult children, daughter in law and grandchildren to spend the 23rd - 27th with her says a lot about her personality and how ridiculously entitled and demanding she is. That's the backstory you need.

My answer would be along the lines of;

“ That’s lovely of you doing a schedule, Betty, but we still have our own obligations / jobs / family etc here, so we’ll see what we can fit in / dodge / avoid. and let you know. We’ll definitely see you over the important days, so let’s see how it goes. Looking forward to it all, Christmas is so lovely blah, blah…

Or…

WTF Betty?? A schedule??

I’m a grown adult who holds down a job, runs a house etc etc! I won’t be told what to do, at Christmas or any other day!
We’ll see you at some point, so reel it in, you're not my boss!

Your choice, OP 🎄

The MIL usually spends Christmas away.

Besides which Christmas isn’t limited to a single day. Our family is far flung and many members can’t travel so we have multiple celebrations.

It’s bizarre that she’s sent a schedule without even inviting you first- are you sure there’s not a conversation with your DH that has taken place without you?

And it seems like you’ve said “hang on, I’m working Christmas Eve” and not “hang on, I didn’t even know we were invited”?

How are they on their own, they're a couple?

They have already asked her to pick a day but dear retired HT wants them to commit to the 23rd - 27th 😂

I’m not a child who can be dictated to so I would simply ignore it. I think your DH’s plan is a good one, he just needs to simply restate your offer and that’s it. Dont let yourself be drawn into an argument or a debate though just very calmly say we’ve already told you our ability. Let us know what works best for you or we’ll just pick ourselves.

Tbh, this is exactly the kind of thing I can imagine being recommended on MN to get grandparents in line and ensure they see as much/little of the sacred grandchildren as the DIL decrees.
In that situation, it would be framed as 'boundaries' and the grandparents would be roundly criticised for not getting in line.

So does her schedule include seeing you/dh etc every day from 23rd-27th?
or is it her own personal schedule she’s just letting you know her availability?

Does DH have any siblings or family who she also sees over christmas?
Are her and FIL spending Xmas day just the 2 of them?

Please share the schedule! I'm very interested in what she's filled the 5 days with.

I'm guessing she's bored.

Is there a reason you can't spend Xmas day with her?