MIL has sent us a Christmas schedule

[TheChristmasSchedule2026]

MIL has decided that ‘enough is enough’ and she wants a faaaamily Christmas.

We said yes we will try to visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if she lets us know which she prefers. We have now been sent a schedule which stretches from the 23-27 December.
Im working on 23 the whole day and AM on 24th. She will apparently amend the schedule to reflect that and I won’t have any ‘duties’ on 24 (she had put me down as helping prep veg)

She thinks dh and the dc can just travel up and I can go straight from work on Christmas Eve.

We are seeing her this weekend so dh has said he will explain to her that we won’t be doing this as we have our own plans and reiterate that she can pick Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for a visit , if it’s Christmas Eve it will just be dh and the dc though (but I don’t think that will bother her it’s more dh and the dc she would want to see).

She is generally very controlling but this is more so than usual! I did say to dh just check first that she isn’t unwell or anything but otherwise AIBU to stick to just one day !

I think this pp is projecting her own situation over the thread op, touched a nerve I think.

I don't think you read the post correctly....she said parents to.

It’d be a no from me!

🤐

Yeah - agree with you. I can’t think of anything worse than four days cooped up with the whole family no matter how much I love them !!

To what?

She's "had enough"? Enough of what? Not having kids to boss around any more? So now your family is hers to boss around and schedule like a control freak for not 1 day, but 4 days?

A 4 day schedule for other adults over Xmas is pretty crazy controlling.

Reality check needed because this is nuts.

Can you be sidelined whilst you are off enjoying the holiday that you’ve booked for over the Christmas period?

I don’t see the relevance of a backstory- Surely you can see there’s a big difference between “spending time” with family and being provided with an itinerary and jobs list that you have had no part in agreeing? (When you have a job, children and extended family of your own to accommodate)… I’m surprised anyone would be happy to spend time with people on this basis!?

My mum was a teacher and as much as I love her sometimes she treats me like I’m a child in her class and not an adult with my own children 😂. I feel your pain, and I think this one is for your DH to deal with. Let him get the detention for it.

Haha, I was meaning wishing was the projector.

😆

Jjjjeeeezzzzz!! She can have 1 day. As someone else said, make your own traditions.

I must be a weird MiL, I love all my kids, their partners and my grandchildren but I would also love just to bugger off for Christmas with my hubby but the faaaamily all guilt me into a faaaamily Chrstmas!! (I don't cook, my DiL does as she loves it so its not that they want me for my Christmas dinner 😅)

Feel free to make your own traditions and jettison any family members you don't want. Nice

I think it’s a little sad that people turn their backs on their parents as they get older - being told, ‘you can have Christmas Eve or Boxing Day’ is very much second place. Christmas should be about family, and family is important, even though it can be difficult and annoying at times. Remember, that one day you yourself may be in the MIL role.

Just because shops open up delivery slots on 1st October doesn't mean it's not unreasonable to be scheduling xmas get togethers in October. Shops are always 1 season ahead with everything.

That wasn't my point. I was being sarcastic. Perhaps I should have written more and explained it. Of course that's not what grandparents are for. My point was that MIL and FIL weren't bothered about a family Christmas when it suited them to be away. Now that they've changed their plans suddenly a family Christmas it must be, because again it's what suits them. So whatever their children and their families have done for the last however many Christmases without the ILs, now they are expected to can those and have four days where they are being told what they're going to be doing. So in my view the ILs (driven, it sounds like, by MIL) are being totally unreasonable.

PS And although this is abut the OP's ILs, I would say the same if it was her own parents. This isn't about in-law bashing.

Maybe OP is tired after work and would like to relax at home with her husband and child?

I think this depends. For example, I have a very big family with some members (including a baby grandson) in Australia. I have to be prepared WELL in advance, to get stuff posted off in time for Christmas and also in order to spread any cost so it's not quite such a shock to the bank account.

(I absolutely won't confess, even under torture, that I sometimes start my Christmas shopping and preparations in July...)

I can sympathise with the early planning; as a teacher, I know that some things have to be lined up way in advance. (At one stage in my career, I had three schools on the go, plus a church choir and choral society, so I was well carolled out by the big day! Factor in venue planning, and a diary is essential.
I also appreciate the "family mucking in" arrangement; we have a similar set-up in our family, to ease the burden on our hosts.
However, this is a much looser arrangement drawn up by mutual agreement, and not everybody stays for the whole celebration.
Even in your own family, this is not a long-standing tradition; up until this year, PIL's were elsewhere on the big day. Rather, one person is attempting to set an entirely new precedent, partly to fill in the gaps in their own lives, apparently not even fully aware of what other members of the clan have been accustomed to do.
By all means put it in positive terms, saying when you are available, but stand firm!

DH should be careful when holding the boundary. I'm willing to bet that this could be an extinction rage event that's been bubbling with her if you already offered the times that worked.
Those times are only short times, and it's clear the whole Christmas period is what's in demand.

I'm always confused by this attitude.

Events like Santa trips or plays have to be booked. Time off and childcare has to be planned. Visits to multiple relatives and possibly friends too. And it's my birthday in December. Some people have religious observances too. As we haven't even hit the school season yet!

I find it very odd that people don't work things out in October.

In this case, I think the MIL has put them in a tricky position. If she'd said how much it would mean to her to have a longer visit over Christmas, then that would be one thing and asked if this year they could spend a couple of days together (and please Christmas day if you fancy it). But as she's gone all-in on the big schedule it would put me right off going because I'd feel like it was going to be a big hoopla.

My MIL arranged six family get-togethers over nine days once, and was perplexed when I turned down three and my husband two (and those both to see friends instead).

Doubt she is unwell. If she was always controlling and now newly retired, then there is your reason. She is bored and she likes to be in charge. Her plans are outrageous and unrealistic. Good that your DH is willing to stand up to her.

Wow, so when it didn't fit her schedule she didn't give your family a second thought over Christmas. Now it suits her to spend Christmas with your family, you're expected to drop everything and stand to attention. Talk about main character syndrome!