Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

Yes, it's a reasonable, age appropriate task.

Why is it fine that the parent only considered asking someone to start tea for the 8 year old at 7pm, knowing food takes time to prepare and bedtime is 8pm?

@mrsm43s while I largely agree with the sentiment that teens should do the chores they are given. You are ignoring the issue that the father was home for hours beforehand and neglected to consider feeding the younger children until he was practically out the door.

OP has confirmed he was not "too busy" and had time to make the dinner.

Too late though. Wee one was hungry when their father was farting about getting ready for his hobby. A fecking hobby when he had three young people to feed.

What you’re describing though is a set routine. And if that was working fir your family (unsure if that’s what you did with your dcs too…..) then that’s great.

But that’s not what happened here.
What happened is a grown up man realising he had fucked up and casually telling his 15yo ‘to prepare dinner’. We dint even know if this father made it clear it was also fir the 8yo, whether it had to be done now or just basically ‘ill leave you to your own devices’ with no routine in sight.

I think a lot hinges on why he says he didn't feed them at a reasonable time? Not doing it at all then shifting the responsibility on to your 15 year old at 7pm on your way out the door, when the younger kids will be in bed at 8pm is madness.

In our house tea is between 5-6pm, so whichever parent is in would cook at that time, it sounds like OPs DH was hoping she would come home earlier so he didn't have to do it at all.

But how can he be annoyed with the 15 year old for not doing it, when he himself didn't do it.. double standards much?

@Differentforgirls Oh I fully agree with that, why was it not considered till 7pm is my biggest problem with all of this!

What a selfish prick..

Did he make himself some dinner is what I'm wondering....?

Clearly your H realised at 7 he’d cocked up and forgotten to make dinner. What he should have done is make something quickly and been late to his hobby. What he actually did is try to palm it off onto 15 yo.

Unimpressive.

I'm with parent two. Nothing more off putting than a man child for a partner.

Agree!

That he should never have been tasked with IMO.. why does the dad get a free pass here, he is the one who didn't feed his kids. shoving the responsibility on to his 15 year old to feed 2 younger siblings on your way out the door at 7pm is not exactly reasonable when they should have been fed hours earlier.

Feeding your sibling is not a chore. Your sibling is not your child. You can do your own cooking, laundry, homework, housework etc at 15 and even babysit but if a parent of the 8 year old is actually present in the house then it’s on the parent not the teenager to feed the younger child.

There is a massive difference between a teenager taking responsibility for themselves and having independence, and being used by a lazy parent to fill in their gaps.
The parent chose to have children to feed, the teenager didn’t.

A hundred per cent he didn’t leave the house for the hobby on an empty stomach

I like how some people are blaming the 15 year old (still legally a child, 18 is when you become an adult regardless of being an 'adolescent') for not making tea for the younger kids and not their fucking father.

Same.

I’m not blaming the teenager for a lazy father. I’m blaming the incompetent father for being incompetent. I AM blaming the teenager for him and his siblings being hungry when the mother came home.

Me too, it's doubtful he went from 2pm - 7pm then went out for a hobby with nothing to eat.

It’s clearly the dad’s fault for being incompetent. Even if the teen had have managed to meal plan and start cooking bang on 7pm when asked they’d have all still been hungry at 7.30

Just a thought but what was the 8 yo doing from say 330? After he got in from school? No reading or spellings? Was he left to his own devices for 3 and a half to four hours? I'm guessing there was no time spent with dad or he would have said daddy I'm hungry

@SapphireSeptember I am not blaming the teen, there are two different arguments on this thread.

The father should have sorted feeding the kids in the 5hrs he had before his hobby. He didn't and he is lazy for that

As a separate issue cooking a family meal is generally an acceptable job for a teen, babying teens is a bad thing.
Being dumped on last second by the dad is the problem.

Bottom line: this man simply does not believe that it is his job to feed his children. The fact that he never even addressed it with the eldest until 7:00 speaks volumes. Feeding children is a job for OP or for the eldest. It’s not a responsibility he thinks he should even consider.

Doubt he went off hungry to do his oh so important hobby. Agree, selfish man who clearly thinks feeding his own children is beneath him.

Why is this always a response when a man is being an absolutely hopeless adult and neglectful parent? It reads "a man can't possibly be expected to actually step up and look after his own kids and house, so the children will have to do it in his stead." If the kids don't know how to cook yet, someone will need to teach them, over the course of several weeks, and then supervise them heavily while they get used to handling a hot stove. Who's job will that be? The useless lump who didn't even manage to remember that children need to eat every day, even as he was preparing food for himself?? I think not.

It wasn't you I replied to.