Intuition and affairs… ever wrong?

[OTA]

I’m going to confront my partner of 10 years tonight about what I suspect is an affair. I don’t have concrete proof, just a horrible feeling of impeding doom and subtle changes in his behaviour. We’ve been arguing non stop for a couple of months, mainly about a new friendship he’s forged with a random woman. other things about me being insecure, riddled with anxiety and him calling me a black cloud.

I have nothing but small inconsistencies to go on. Smiling at his phone. Mentionitis. Telling me to dye my hair the same colour as new friend. Just really weird stuff. And interceding all the arguments, moments during or after sex when he’s been tearful and said I love you so much?

YABU - gut feelings can be wrong
YANBU - women’s intuition is never wrong

Sorry you are going through this

Absolutely good idea to change the locks and make sure he can’t creep back. There is lots of advice on you-tube on how to change just the barrel of a lock so it’s doesn’t cost a fortune.

Then concentrate on doing things that you really enjoy. It might take you a while to remember / work out what brings you joy.

glad you have rid yourself of this burden.

All the best.

Glad he’s gone, are you safe and ok?

People always say “your gut is never wrong” but of course it is. Your “gut” in this sense isn’t an organ.

Its unscientific bollocks: confirmation bias when people confirm their suspicions and they realise there was evidence in the run up to that confirmation.

In this case OP does appear to have a fair bit of hard evidence that something is up: it’s nothing to do with her “gut”.

Anyway it doesn’t sound like a happy or trusting relationship.

Sorry cross post. Glad he’s gone, you are very well out of this.

I always thought it's more of a reaction to the evidence. You can talk yourself out of suspicion when faced with most evidence but you can't fully ignore it because in your stomach/bowels you still get that nervous, fight-or-flight, adrenaline feeling. It's like creeping dread.

I would not confront him, I would simply tell him it’s over. If my husband ever gave me reason to suspect he is cheating (and what you have mentioned gives plenty of reason) then I would end it. I wouldn’t need proof, I wouldn’t need intuition, if he caused me to feel so insecure that I am questioning an affair then that would be the end. Luckily we have been married for almost 20 years and he still has me.

Hi OP, how are you doing? That sounded like a very scary situation, I hope you are OK. 💐

My goodness OP... hope you ok?

His tantrum was to distract you.
Its what narcissistic people do when challenged.
Well done in getting him out.
You need to report the damage to your home.
Gather all his shit together.
Get the locks changed.

Do not allow him back.
Your gut is protecting you.

Glad he is gone. I hope he doesn't have a key, but change the locks anyway.

Guilty as sin , the tantrum and attempted DARVO is exactly what my ex did when he was caught