Wedding musings

[PinkMagpie]

I went to my cousin’s wedding in a fancy venue in Essex last year. I’ve looked online and this venue costs £25k and up and receives good reviews.

I was looking forward to the venue because it looked beautiful.

However, the experience on the day was underwhelming due to a few factors.

1. The venue is a Georgian Manor House so of course it is a historic building with all the space challenges that brings. With that said, the use of the space is terrible. The ceremony room has guests sitting in tight rows of 2 people on each side so guests cannot get a good view of the ceremony taking place. The lighting was harsh overhead fluorescent lighting which did nothing to create atmosphere for the ceremony.
2. The layout of the dining room for the wedding breakfast was even worse. We were tightly packed in on long bench tables with no room between tables to walk around. The result was you were trapped in your seat for the whole meal and the vibe was school cafeteria tables! Fluorescent overhead lighting again so no atmosphere for the meal which was a real shame.
3. Food was ok to good. Some of the canapés were greasy and you could tell them had been microwaved.
4. The guest bedrooms were shabby and dated. I was really surprised at how unloved the accommodation was. I have looked at google reviews for the venue and a lot of the negative reviews mention that the accommodation needs updating.
5. It seems that they have concentrated their efforts in making sure the main spaces look good but have neglected the accommodation. This is understandable but it doesn’t do anything to create a good guest experience.
6. I looked at a lot of reviews on The Knot for this venue and all the brides and grooms seem to have loved their venue which is great. It makes me think the bridal suite must be in a better condition than the guest bedrooms. All the positive reviews praise the staff which is fair enough as the staff were great and very helpful. So I do believe that couples have a good experience getting married there, but I would also want my guests to have an experience in line with a £25k per event venue. We as guests paid for own our rooms and I found it overpriced for how shabby it was.
7. Check out time the next morning was 9am and you get pretty much shoved out of the venue the next morning because they have another wedding to get ready for. I understand they want to maximise their revenue and book back to back events. It was just another detail that made the experience feel lacking.

It made me think that you can pay an absolute ton of money for a wedding venue and still have an experience that lacks the thought and care that would have made the event really special.

Interested in others experiences of attending fancy venues and whether you found them lacking

I haven’t mentioned any of this to my cousin as didn’t want to upset her. I’ve told her it was lovely and concentrated on the elements I did enjoy. This rant is for Mumsnet only!

I cant be bothered with all the circus of big weddings OP but I must say I found your realky thoughtful observations very interesting.

Thank you ☺️ the event was fine really but the things I have picked up show a lack of care and attention and stuck out to me as it was so expensive

Do you dislike your cousin? I've never been to a friend or family's event and then sat down a YEAR later to write down in detail how crap it was, and then post it online.

I got married abroad precisely because, growing up, I had listened to my aunts have big long discussions about how such-and-such's wedding venue was small, the vol-au-vants weren't great etc etc. There was no way I was paying for those whinging idiots to have more to complain about.

@Anxioustealady not one note of this has been critical of my cousin. I have criticised things I felt lacking in the venue. I’ve asked for others thoughts on very expensive venues that prove lacking. If you don’t have anything on that note to contribute maybe you could see yourself out?

And to reiterate, I have been nothing but positive about her wedding to her and to our family members

@Anxioustealady you’re looking for a row can you go and have it elsewhere? Nothing I have criticised is within my cousin’s control. My criticisms are of the venue who took a lot of her money and provided a service I found lacking.

There were plenty of things about the day that were great. My cousin’s dress was gorgeous and she looked beautiful. The wine was delicious. I praised the things I genuinely enjoyed.

I’m here to have a discussion about venues that charge a lot and don’t deliver. Once again, unless you are interested in that conversation, maybe you could take your aggression elsewhere

Lol at “a YEAR” later. Do all of your thoughts expire after 6 months? @Anxioustealady

Have you ever planned a wedding?

@Anxioustealady planning one now

@Anxioustealady wtf are you doing? @PinkMagpie isn't criticising her cousin, she's musing on the quality or otherwise of an expensive wedding venue! You really do look as if you're just here to pick a fight! Any idea why?

Thank you! Exactly! It’s not a criticism of any couple getting married. It’s a criticism of the service provided by venues who charge huge amounts of money

You'll realise that even though you've spent thousands of pounds, some of your guests will never be happy whatever you do.

My point is that people can spend a lot of money and be let down by their venue. The things I have picked up on are valid and could easily have been prevented by more care and attention from the venue

I’ve been to plenty of weddings in hotels, expensive £30k weddings and to be honest compared to the church weddings I’ve attended they just seem a bit flat and so overpriced.

Honestly, it seems deeply weird to me to write a detailed review of a wedding venue you attended as a guest a year on, and post it on a chat forum rather than as a review on the venue’s website, where it might have an effect.

Leaving aside you derailing my thread at 2:37am to call me the “deeply weird” one

I didn’t directly review the venue for 2 reasons

1. Firstly because if I left a review with my name and the date of the event, as is customary on The Knot, or Google Reviews, there is a very high likelihood my cousin would see it and know that I was referencing her wedding. This would upset her and I would never do that.
2. Secondly because I don’t believe for a second that a negative review from me would change anything. The issues I have identified at the venue are mostly to do with cutting corners to save on costs, plus a lack of care as to the guest experience. They will get away with this for as long as they are able to. It’s not because they don’t realise they haven’t refurbished their guest rooms in years. It’s because they don’t want to spend the money on it. I have seen enough at other venues to realise this is a problem with the wedding industry charging sky high prices and underdelivering. That is why I asked for other people’s thoughts and experiences.

I wondered if others had seen a similar issue and asked for thoughts on that. I did receive some thoughtful responses and I’m very glad of those. As is par for the course on Mumsnet now, I also got a lot of derailing!

I know what you mean. I think it is an issue with the wedding industry as a whole. You can pay an absolute ton of money and receive some very average service

My friend had a very expensive teepee wedding reception. We definitely made the best of it but there were so many issues I felt bad for her given I knew how much they had spent.

The caterer (which had to be used by the venue) was not good, forgot to bring the vegetarian option.....ended up going to the local supermarket but they ate about 45 minutes after everyone else. They tried to remove the wine that the bride and groom were allowed to serve (with corkage fee) until FOB stepped in because they wanted people to spend on the bar instead. The sound system didn't work thankfully a few friends were musicians so were able to grab their instruments from home and did impromptu sets.

They got a tiny amount back in comparison to cost.

Op its a business. A business designed to screw as much money out of people as possible.

As an example I got married 33 years ago. We paid £200 for one car. So basically a taxi took my wife the mile from home to the church, waited 90 minutes and drove us 5 miles to the hotel where the do was. I wouldn't pay £200 for that today.

People get suckered into venues. Most are not suitable for a wedding. Most really don't have the space for the numbers they sell.

I went to a wedding once where I was sat with someone I vaguely knew. Him, his wife, another couple and it was meant to be the other couples children but they were ill. When the staff realised the kids weren't there they didn't bring their meals out. The chap I knew asked for them they refused so he asked for it to be put in writing thst the bride and groom would be refunded...the meals arrived

That’s awful, your poor friend. They should have refunded her in full for that level of disruption caused by their mistakes

Yes, very good points. I would agree that a lot of these country house hotels are happy to charge a premium based on their beautiful old buildings but don’t put much thought into how the space will actually work for a large event

Call me boring but I want a simple wedding. No fancy venue. No expensive dress. No elaborate centrepieces. No husband. Just an open bar and food 😜