Wedding musings

[PinkMagpie]

I went to my cousin’s wedding in a fancy venue in Essex last year. I’ve looked online and this venue costs £25k and up and receives good reviews.

I was looking forward to the venue because it looked beautiful.

However, the experience on the day was underwhelming due to a few factors.

1. The venue is a Georgian Manor House so of course it is a historic building with all the space challenges that brings. With that said, the use of the space is terrible. The ceremony room has guests sitting in tight rows of 2 people on each side so guests cannot get a good view of the ceremony taking place. The lighting was harsh overhead fluorescent lighting which did nothing to create atmosphere for the ceremony.
2. The layout of the dining room for the wedding breakfast was even worse. We were tightly packed in on long bench tables with no room between tables to walk around. The result was you were trapped in your seat for the whole meal and the vibe was school cafeteria tables! Fluorescent overhead lighting again so no atmosphere for the meal which was a real shame.
3. Food was ok to good. Some of the canapés were greasy and you could tell them had been microwaved.
4. The guest bedrooms were shabby and dated. I was really surprised at how unloved the accommodation was. I have looked at google reviews for the venue and a lot of the negative reviews mention that the accommodation needs updating.
5. It seems that they have concentrated their efforts in making sure the main spaces look good but have neglected the accommodation. This is understandable but it doesn’t do anything to create a good guest experience.
6. I looked at a lot of reviews on The Knot for this venue and all the brides and grooms seem to have loved their venue which is great. It makes me think the bridal suite must be in a better condition than the guest bedrooms. All the positive reviews praise the staff which is fair enough as the staff were great and very helpful. So I do believe that couples have a good experience getting married there, but I would also want my guests to have an experience in line with a £25k per event venue. We as guests paid for own our rooms and I found it overpriced for how shabby it was.
7. Check out time the next morning was 9am and you get pretty much shoved out of the venue the next morning because they have another wedding to get ready for. I understand they want to maximise their revenue and book back to back events. It was just another detail that made the experience feel lacking.

It made me think that you can pay an absolute ton of money for a wedding venue and still have an experience that lacks the thought and care that would have made the event really special.

Interested in others experiences of attending fancy venues and whether you found them lacking

I looked around about 8 or 9 different wedding venues before choosing. The ones I preferred were family run - they seemed more invested in getting absolutely everything right. Ours was 'fancy' but they were really considerate and thoughtful. Some of the others just felt too corporate and more interested in the sale than the detail. A good test was if they spelt DH's name right on the follow-up email!

Although I'm sure there are poorly run family-owned wedding venues and good corporate ones.

Good booze and good food by the far the most important elements in my opinion too! Followed by good music

I got married last year. Everyone says it was one of the most romantic and touching weddings they had ever been to.

We had a registry office with ten guests, lunch somewhere nice and back to our place.

God forbid people would ever speak about our decision to promise to love one another forever and how we promised that, and the looks on our faces as we did it, the way you have above.

The wedding funny enough - is not about you! It is about them and their promise!

You see I actually completely disagree about this. If your wedding is about you then do it just the two of you. If your wedding is an event that you want to invite people to then you have to think about their experience. Your guests are not just props for the day

Also, your wedding sounds lovely. And I’m sure your guests had a wonderful time. But if one of them did say to a friend “oh those seats at the service weren’t comfy” it wouldn’t take anything away from your love for your partner

Not ‘derailing’. It would be derailing if I’d suddenly started asking for an optician recommendation on your thread, or talking about the price of bagels. And it was in the early hours because I just arrived in NY and am jet lagged. You invited responses. You got them. They won’t all agree with you. And if you post on the venues website now, no one will link it to your cousin’s wedding.

Go and have fun in New York because I’m not going to leave them a scathing google review for the reasons I have already given

This is often the issue I think. The venue looks "wow" as you're arriving and great in the photos but isn't very user friendly for the guests.

A relative had a castle wedding. It looked epic as we drove up the driveway. However only a very limited part of the castle was "open" for the wedding. The ceremony was in a walled garden (bride and groom said their vows in a folly/pergola structure) which was very scenic but would have been a bit shit for the guests if it rained. The venue only did summer weddings but that's still a risk in England.

We were them sent around to the other side of the castle where welcome drinks were served, again outside. There was a conservatory room which could have been used if wet but it would have meant squeezing in like sardines. Finally we went in for the meal. The room was very ornate and beautiful but had red ropes positioned so that the walls and furniture positioned against them wouldn't be touched and lots of signs about no access beyond rope. It felt like a very strict school trip and meant the usable area of the room was actually much smaller than it looked, tables penned close together etc. All children unless babes in arms or teens had to sit on a separate table in the conservatory.

After the meal we were (you guessed it) sent outside again so they could prepare the dining room for the evening party. We had to get back home so can't tell you how the evening party went but it was only as we drove away that I realised how tense I'd been feeling! Photos were lovely though!

The type of people I am friends with couldn't give a stuff about that sort of thing.

Yes this really chimes with my experience. Lots of standing around outside! And very well put that you feel like you are on a school trip - that’s exactly it

I worked with other companies as an account manager and I had a contact who grabbed her assistant and her partner grabbed a mate and they got married in their lunch hour. They only opted to do it because their son has special needs and the same surname was easier all round

The assistant told me she didn't stop crying all afternoon as it was one of the most loving joyous weddings she had ever been to.

Everyone went back to work in the afternoon

True. Also, everyone tells the happy couple that it was a wonderful wedding and the best they've ever been to, because it's their wedding, also because you're not going to say it was awful!

That's genuinely lovely 😍

The Savoy was both the poshest and dullest wedding venue I'd been to. Very good food though.

Usability is definitely an issue with some venues, like ones that shove guests into a dull space with no chairs for nearly 2 hours between service and meal while they set the room, which is something I've seen happen. That's also a bit on the couple (or wedding planner) to ensure there is food/drink/something happening during room changeovers, which I've seen managed very well and very badly.

That is a good test. I think part of the problem is that of course each venue will promise you a perfect service and you can’t tell until the day if they will deliver. So it is good to go with your instincts and I’m glad you had a good experience

Yep and I never understand why people pick a venue miles from where they live where everyone has to travel and is miles from anywhere. You might have z good time but your guests won't.

Also where there is a massive gap between the wedding and the food...at least put on some snacks or warn people

I'm going to a Posh One soon ! Ive opted to drive there and back rather than getting sucked in to pay ott for a room and get booted out at also 9 am !