To think my friend is projecting?

[settlement1414]

I’ve been for lunch with a friend today and we were talking about Christmas plans. I told her I’m going abroad on Boxing Day for a few nights with a male friend. We have done this for a few years now. We sometimes go away during the year too. If it’s just the two of us we share a twin room. Sometimes another (female) friend comes and we get an Air B&B.

My friend was adamant that DP must be upset and jealous and not letting on. DP could not care less. She’s said similar in the past and I let it go but today it has really annoyed me for some reason. She might not like her DP doing that which is entirely reasonable, but my DP is not at all bothered.

She kept insisting that DP is putting some sort of brave face on to hide his distress. But he isn’t.

AIBU to think DP is fine with it and therefore no one else needs to worry about it?

You ate coming off quite defensive about it. She doesn’t believe your partner is okay with it- so what? Most partners wouldn’t be, and you must be aware of that. Just ignore her, it’s none of her business.

OP I do exactly the same. My dp is fine with it and so is my friend's wife. In 30 years we've barely so much as hugged. Who cares if its 'weird'? What does that even mean? Unless something is widely accepted its not ok?

It is highly irritating for someone to repeatedly tell you there is a problem in your relationship that does not exist.

There is nothing to defend.

It’s not even her opinion. If she wouldn’t want her DH to do it then fair enough, that’s up to her. It’s her insistence that DP must share her opinion really but doesn’t want to say so.

I don’t even think it’s that weird to be honest. People go on holiday with their friends all of the time.

Of course shes defensive. She's being told she's doing something wrong so she's defending herself. It doesn't prove that she's secretly doing something else.

stop being so defensive, you did ask for our opinions and most of us disagree.

Well neither do I ..I just meant if others perceive it as weird. Its not that common for two straight friends of the opposite sex to go away alone together, so I understand an initial comment from someone but once they've been told its all fine, they have no.business questioning it further.

Disagree with what? You’re answering a question I didn’t ask.

Yes, I agree.

It’s funny because my gay friends go away with other gay friends and no one bats an eye. It must just be opposite sex people who they think can’t control themselves.

The set-up is a little unusual, especially as you go away on Boxing Day, which is usually considered time you usually spend with your nearest and dearest. Ie, Dh and family.

We aren’t married and we don’t live together. I spend Christmas Day with my family, go on holiday with my friend(s), then get home to spend NYE with DP which we spend together every year.

Disagree with “AIBU to think DP is fine with it and therefore no one else needs to worry about it?”

….

why would you ask a bunch of strangers if your DP is fine with it. Ask him.

Perhaps I've worded it badly. DP is fine with it. Therefore, AIBU to think no one else needs to worry about it?

Nothing wrong with it and she’s projecting. Of course both you and your DP know if there are romantic/sexual feelings between you and your friend. Who would maintain a friendship with that kind of tension for 15 years?

Related note, have you watched Alice & Steve? Great binge watch and deals with the platonic love scenario really well.

I wouldn't have a problem with this except for Christmas & birthdays.

If people are going to cheat, they'll cheat.

You are annoyed because SHE is judging you and masking it as what she thinks your DH feels.

I haven’t. Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll give
it a go.

Indeed they will! And she knows I’m not cheating, she isn’t questioning that. She just seems to feel that DP should object regardless of this.

Maybe but her saying she wouldn’t like her DH to do it doesn’t bother me. Her saying that DP is bothered but not letting on really winds me up.

If he is fine with it, tell your friend to mind her own business. Not her relationship!

I have, numerous times. Then she’ll say ‘are you still going away with James on Boxing Day?’, knowing I am, and then will start on about how DP can’t like it. I tell her he is fine with it and she acts sceptical as if she knows better.

But why does what someone else says worry you so much? If you know she is wrong then what is the issue just tell her to stop mentioning it and move on

I get it OP, I have a friend who was convinced my kids would fight all the time, and that I just either didn't admit it or lied.
They didn't, they actually got along remarkably well, and are still best friends as adults.
She would straight out say "You must be lying, all siblings fight. They just do"

Some people have a hard time believing things can be different from person to person.

It doesn’t worry me. It annoys me.