Caeliac AIBU

[Pappybear]

We have family visiting next week. Their 12 year old son has caeliac disease. I am very aware how serious this can be for him, and how tough it is to make some people aware that this isn’t just an “intolerance”.

However, in-laws are incredibly controlling about it (which I understand might be a coping mechanism/ entirely necessary) and we have been given a long list of requirements for their visit. Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. So basically the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here. Fine, but they also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable, which I get becuase maybe they don’t know how safe those restaurants are with cross contamination.

It makes the whole visit so stressful every time they come. And my question is AIBU in thinking they could life much easier for themselves, us and their child if they were a bit more flexible in terms of their expectations?

Or is this unreasonable of me and a weeks inconvenience for us is nothing compared to the inconvenience they have to deal with everyday. Just after some perspective, because they’re so prescriptive that I don’t know if this is what everyone with caeliac has to deal with.

Blimey. Is he newly diagnosed or something?

dd has coeliac disease and I don’t do 95% of this. She has her own toaster, her own bread knife (mainly because I barely wash ours), own butter, jam, etc. she wouldn’t use a shared wooden chopping board.

however she shares everything else no problem, cutlery, pans, baking trays, plastic chopping board. If stuff has been in a dishwasher or thoroughly washed it will be fine. Dd is very sensitive to a very small amount and has never been ill using these precautions

she will eat in a restaurant as long as they understand the risk of cross contamination. So sometimes we do quiz staff to make sure they will be using a clean chopping board, new butter, etc. I don’t know of any totally gluten free restaurant apart from maybe Pho and a Chinese in Manchester. I accept if you’re in a big city there may be more.

Depending on where we are visiting i sometimes take our own food for her. MILs kitchen is a health hazard and i wouldn’t trust her to prep anything on any surface to be honest. So we take stuff. My SIL I know I can trust 100%. Other people I might be ok with them prepping food but I might double check some packaging and remind them about butter, not reusing a chopping board, etc.

no way would I expect people to buy new kitchen stuff. They could have toast done under the grill on a clean baking tray. Using baking paper too if they’re really nervous.

I have a 12 year old celiac boy and we do not go this crazy lol

Yeah we have food from M&S and Bills regularly but neither are wholly gluten free. The only entirely gluten free restaurant we've been to is a place called Niche in North London. (Also v expensive!)

Did you miss the part where I said that the OPs family are not being reasonable in their requests? I’m coeliac. I don’t live in a gluten free household. I’m aware one crumb is not going to kill me and that damage takes time.

I was simply pointing out (as the OP did as well) that coeliac disease is not an intolerance to gluten. It’s a serious autoimmune disease. Living with coeliac means you gave to strike a balance of not restricting your life to a point that it’s miserable but also trying to avoid making yourself sick. I absolutely hate it. I also hate it when people (including friends and family) imply that I’m being over the top as “a bit of gluten won’t kill me”. Or restaurants not taking cross contamination seriously. People really don’t understand why I won’t eat a gluten free pizza that cooked on the bottom of the same pizza oven as a non-GF one. Or eat chips fried in the same fried as normal ones. Why so fussy? I am extremely glad that I’m not living with a life threatening allergy. But at the same time it makes me both mad and sad that because it’s not, people imply that I’m just being difficult or taking it too seriously.

I’m coeliac and they’re being completely OTT.
Yes of course you should ensure food is prepared separately to ensure no CC and that everything is washed thoroughly…utensils, chopping boards, pans etc but you don’t need to do a deep clean of your house.
I wouldn’t risk takeaways though. I tend to be okay with Indian and I’ve been okay with Domino’s GF pizza although Morrisons GF pizza from their pizzeria was better!

I’m in London. I’ve been to two fully GF restaurants and I know there are more around.
Niche in Islington - British / European food.
Paladar in Southwark - South American food.
Both pricey but both absolutely lovely and fabulous for a special occasion.

What about your own family? Do you have children who have to tolerate these impositions on their life at least twice a year? Can't your visitors just stay in a self catering room and not cause such stress and disruption to your home?

What “Impositions” do her children have to live with twice a year? Not having toast for breakfast?!

I am coeliac.

They are batshit.

My family all eat food containing gluten. I’m just careful to keep mine separate. That’s all there is to it.

Nobody really understands any disease or challenge unless they live with it or are very close to it, and honestly everyone has such a lot going on that they tend to dismiss anything that doesn't directly affect them.

I was always very understanding of and tolerant of the needs of people living with coeliac disease, but that's because I knew a woman really well who experienced it and had seen her go to hospital twice because of it.

Also, don't underestimate how stupid a lot of people are. They often don't have the capacity to understand what you're talking about.

I once knew a woman whose family harassed her because she wore spectacles. I mean, she literally needed them to see. But her parents were bothered that they made her less pretty (they didn't, she was lovely with or without them, not that it mattered anyway) and tried to convince her she was just being lazy by wearing them and that her eyes would improve if she stopped.

I was on a thread the other day where actual grandparents and parents were arguing that leaving hot tea around on low surfaces is not a big deal around small kids. The mulish and determined ignorance was fairly astonishing, and I thought I'd long ago accepted that a lot of people are simply quite stupid.

The toaster I get, obviously. But I am coeliac and have never thought about my own pans and baking sheets. They go in the dishwasher at 65 degrees. They are fine. I have never got sick and my yearly blood tests are all normal.

Nope sorry I still don’t understand the impositions you’ve talked about. Maybe I am completely thick, could you explain?

I bake with wheat flour for my family all the time! Never thought about it to be honest!

Why are you pretending not to understand? It's such an odd way for an adult to behave.

"Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. ...the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here...they also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc (my note - and will not bring their own pans or utensils) so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable...It makes the whole visit so stressful every time.

It's literally right there in the comments.

Can't you read? Or are you just another bloody minded twit, bored and desperate to try to make yourself feel important?

Is it the word imposition that's flummoxing you? It means putting a burden on someone.

So yes, you are indeed either completely thick. Or simply trolling. Only you can decide 😆

So they want you to purchase brand new pans for their use?
Else how will they eat or cook?
What if it's a dish that you've never put gluten in?
Like a roasting tray that's only ever had meat, potatoes and veg in it?
You can say you've done your best.

There's lots of meals that are naturally fully gluten free. Any combo of meat, fish, veg and potatoes or rice? Just no soy sauce or flour to thicken. Cornflour is good to thicken sauce. Dishes using fish sauce and rice noodles?

Ok. So back to my first response, then. The only “imposition” on the children is not eating gluten for a weekend. Whilst I agree the family are going way overboard in their requests, saying eating gluten free for two weekends a year is an “imposition” is ridiculous. There’s plenty of “normal” food that’s GF. So, poor kids can’t have toast for breakfast. Oh no! How will they cope?

They refuse to cook while visiting as they won't use any of OPs pots or pans and won't bring their own. Both families, including OPs children, have to eat only gluten free snacks and food from a gluten free restaurant for the whole week, at least twice a year.

Coeliac disease is an autoimmune condition, not an allergy. So with allergies then yes, other people eating the allergen close by could trigger an anaphylactic reaction in the allergic person. This can’t happen with coeliac disease, if you have it then you need to actually swallow gluten to have a reaction.
I have it, and my DH eats gluten, my dc eat gluten. We are all very careful about cross contamination, and most of our main meals are gluten free. Pasta we all just eat gluten free etc.
I do understand them being worried about cross contamination, as that is always a concern, but they don’t need to ban someone from drinking a normal beer etc. I wonder if they aren’t very clear on the difference between this and an allergy .

YANBU.
TBH They sound like a pain in the bum. How do they manage everyday life? Or are they living in a hermetically sealed bubble?

Wouldn't it be better for you to visit them at their house. Obviously not, you'll all have thought of it and other reasons, but that seems fairer on you. You are the person who is required to create the right circumstances but there doesn't seem to be any helpful discussion of that.

On the cleaning front, definitely deep clean the kitchen, clean high contact surfaces (door handles, light switches etc) and deep clean anywhere gluten is regularly consumed (e.g. if anyone ears biscuits on the sofa, please have a good hoover under the cushions).

I'm coeliac and live in a house where gluten is consumed. I practice strict hand hygiene and don't use the toaster. The air fryer is gluten free. I cover food in the microwave and use greaseproof paper on oven trays. Gluten isn't cooked in coated pans, I have my own butter. Gluten containing flour is not used in my house. But people's level of risk-tolerance varies.

Can I ask how the poor kid manages at school, eating out or at friends houses? I am from a family with coeliacs and they have perfectly normal lives living alongside non coeliacs. I aware of cross contamination risk but it is not airborne and cleaning the house and asking you not to consume gluten sounds pretty extreme.

It sounds OTT to me. I used to work with someone with coeliac disease and they really would suffer if they ate anything with gluten and had to be careful. However, it made no difference to them being around other people and their food. As long as they didn’t consume any. And she had a child who wasn’t affected. So obviously there was wheat in her house and crumbs.