Caeliac AIBU

[Pappybear]

We have family visiting next week. Their 12 year old son has caeliac disease. I am very aware how serious this can be for him, and how tough it is to make some people aware that this isn’t just an “intolerance”.

However, in-laws are incredibly controlling about it (which I understand might be a coping mechanism/ entirely necessary) and we have been given a long list of requirements for their visit. Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. So basically the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here. Fine, but they also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable, which I get becuase maybe they don’t know how safe those restaurants are with cross contamination.

It makes the whole visit so stressful every time they come. And my question is AIBU in thinking they could life much easier for themselves, us and their child if they were a bit more flexible in terms of their expectations?

Or is this unreasonable of me and a weeks inconvenience for us is nothing compared to the inconvenience they have to deal with everyday. Just after some perspective, because they’re so prescriptive that I don’t know if this is what everyone with caeliac has to deal with.

sorry wasn't explicitly there all the time!

I'd be far more comfortable cooking than getting take aways! Ask them to bring their pots and pans and stash yours in the garage or loft.
Being gluten free is very easy if cooking at home.

I think you’re being remarkably helpful - helpful as can possibly be - even beyond parental input it appears tbh.

Yes I guess it’s scarier protecting your son than yourself so the OTT is understandable though seems it could be very restrictive for the young lad as he wants to go others’ homes as he grows older but perhaps they’ll relax as they get used to it.

I’m coeliac and feel better in my own completely gluten free home tbh - makes it all easy too. However, I’ve never expected a full clean and no gluten eaten in other homes - I take my own dinner to my kids’ homes quite often or they prep carefully under my instructions- or microwave meals can do too - I don’t like making it hard to host me as I don’t want to miss stuff lol - I definitely think someone getting a new toaster just for me would be amazing but I’d normally expect to go without toast or use grill with bread under foil.

I live in a city where I have eaten out and had perfectly fine take aways but actually only know 2 places completely gluten free, so hopefully you’re in a better place for that.

You’re very very helpful and I hope they appreciate you a lot for this.

It's not a short term tummy illness, it damages the lining of the small intestine. This can cause a lot of health issues and is associated with an increased risk of certain cancers, particularly small bowel cancer and some types of lymphoma.

DP is coeliac and it is a nightmare trying to avoid cross contamination so when I’m at his I tend to just go fully gluten free to avoid him being unwell, and he really does become very unwell.
their reaction does seem slightly excessive though! A good clean of the kitchen and appliances is perfectly acceptable, Only eating takeaway is ridiculous, DP was glutened after eating out at a restaurant recommended by the coeliac society and given his reaction we doubt it was a cross contamination issue so even that is risky. plus finding fully gluten free restaurants to order from will likely be difficult as there aren’t many!
And as for no gluten containing beer…the kid won’t be drinking it so why is that an issue?
i understand asking the kids not to eat gluten foods to an extent but at 12 their son should know what he can and cannot eat and isn’t likely to pick up someone else food in the way a toddler might.
how do they cope with the child at school, going to friends etc?
while I can understand they are trying to mitigate any exposure/cross contamination they are being ridiculous and I’d have a conversation with them to understand why they are making the demands they are. If they want to be that extreme, they should stay else where then they can do as they please.

The takeaway thing is weird and a sure fire way to get glutened in my experience.
Could you come up with a menu and then share this with the parents? Cooking the same for everyone that is GF is relatively easy at home and reduces chance of cross contamination- Like Monday - Spag Bol with homemade sauce and x brand gluten free pasta
Drinking GF beer is bonkers 😂

They are being over the top. Presumably the child attends school and other settings where gluten exists. Tell them to pack some toaster bags rather than buying a new toaster or use baking paper on a clean sandwich press. Your pots, pans, chopping boards etc will be fine as long as have been cleaned.

Buying in a few gluten free items like bread, wraps, pasta etc would be sensible, as well as a separate butter and jam for them, but there’s no reason why you should not have any gluten while they’re there. It is very simple with some basic guidance to cook gluten free dinners at home and I’d imagine that’d be much easier and safer than getting takeaways.

Op you could post some menu ideas on here and we can share how to make them GF for everyone

YANBU. I have coeliac disease- your ILs are being insane!

Just keep gluten items separate, prepare his GF with separate crockery and cutlery. You do not need to drink GF beer(!) or deep clean your entire house. They’re being ludicrous.

They are ridiculous and over dramatic and entitled. I have a child with Coeliac and we have gluten in the house and I use the same pots and pans for everyone. The only things I have separate are toasters/sandwich makers/cutting boards and knives, which honesty isn’t even necessary.
Coeliac is not an allergy. Their child will end up being over anxious because of their behaviour. My son already self advocates, goes to parties and play dates etc and knows what he can and can’t eat.
I get really annoyed by Coeliacs who make a huge big deal over it - it’s not life threatening thank goodness and it’s very very difficult to completely avoid gluten at people’s houses and restaurants etc - it’s in almost everything!!
My advice is to tell her you’ve cleaned well and make a little “sterile” area on a surface in the kitchen and ask them to bring their own pan, buy some paper plates and plastic forks etc.
And regarding beer, wtf??? My other child eats a sandwich next to his brother, we just make sure to clean well after and be careful to keep crumbs over the plate.
We get his bloods done every 6 months and his numbers are consistently under active level, and we are not at all obsessive about sterility. Ridiculous demands.

I do really appreciate everyone’s feedback, and take on the advice.

I suspect that going completely gluten-free whilst they’re here makes the most sense, but judging from others comments it does seem a bit OTT to request take-outs each night. We can scrub ours pans thoroughly and have bought new cloths and scrubbing brushes for this purpose!

This is so kind! Thank you! I will do

If the child has a gluten free diet, then having a tiny amount of gluten won’t cause that kind of damage. Any reaction is short term and usually tummy ache or similar. But it’s not going to cause any damage to the intestine if his diet is usually completely gluten free.

You can make most things gluten free these days. Double check things like spices, sauces etc as gluten lurks in places you wouldn’t expect! But honestly, as the mother of a child with Coeliac, there’s absolutely no need to have a completely gluten free environment!! And just to add, I’ve never asked anyone we’ve visited or family to do this. I either bring his food separately or they make something that’s gluten free anyway without me asking.

That's not how coeliac works. Even a tiny amount of gluten can trigger an immune response and damage the small intestine. You don't necessarily get symptoms either, so just because a tummy ache passes quickly, or there's no reaction at all, doesn't mean no damage has been done. That's why it's important to avoid gluten and cross contamination, even when you feel absolutely fine.

I have a coeliac child and I think it's overkill

Cooking gluten free and gluten at the same time is really really difficult and cross contamination can't really be controlled particularly with kids who aren't used to it - eg they eat something with gluten in, go touch door handles, light switch, ketchup, and the coeliac child touches it amd doesn't realise and then uses his fingers to eat.

So agree it's much easier for everyone if you all go gluten free for the weekend and take procedures like

• cook on pans you can out through the dishwasher (stainless steel rather than non stick or carbon steel or cast iron)
• use a fresh out the packet kitchen sponge
• toast gf bread under the grill rather than the toaster (or just get gf cereal or oats or yoghurt and fruit or something)
• Avoid anything wooden (chopping boards, spoons, bowls)
• Get a new chopping board and colander (and sieve if you're doing any baking)
• give any equipment a really good scrub
• don't use air fryer
• consider roasting things in disposable tins
• give everything a really good wipe down in advance, using kitchen roll rather than sponge. Twice. Including handles, switches etc

I don't get the beer thing though (although you can get gf beer) as can't see how there would be any cross contamination unless you're drinking beer and tasting something from a pan without cleaning the spoon in between or something.

GF pasta is ok. But there is loads of naturally GF foods. Baked potatoes are good for lunch. Curries, roast dinners, chillies, anything with rice noodles, loads of sausages are GF. Generally lots of home made stuff cooked from scratch is or can be made GF. I'd avoid any GF bread. Puddings - things like pavlovas and meringues are good and soufflés and mousses. Or flourless chocolate cakes. Although if you're baking you need to take care as recipe books and scales will be contaminated (I take the picture ans work from my phone or cover in cling).

Things that caught us out - squash with barley, chocolate (often contains eg malt), soy sauce (can use tamari), Worcester sauce, gravy (can get GF), ice cream (mackies and some magnums are ok).

Good luck

@Pappybearif they relent and agree to cooking I highly recommend Rummo pasta. I actually prefer it to gluten pasta. Even DP will eat pasta now after having Rummo, after telling me all GF pasta was disgusting and he just didn’t like pasta anymore! Sainsbury’s and Tesco stock it and the spaghetti is excellent.

This. I would never ask the world to stop working because of being coeliac.
Tbbh I would say to them I couldn't provide what they ask for.

Trusting restaurants over food cooked in front of them is a stupid decision and calls into question all their other decisions.

Couldn't be arsed with this at all, would not have them visiting. You WILL get the blame if he gets sick.

Absolutely!! Some of these replies seem excessive to me! We have blood tests all the time and he’s fine! It was a learning curve after being diagnosed but the Dr who talked us through it was very careful to explain that being obsessive or too sterile would just make the child anxious, especially at school etc.
We are as careful as possible and he self advocates. Being “glutened” is just a part of life with this disease and it’s never bad, or long term. At least it’s not a life threatening allergy!

I missed the gf beer - that’s insane! Plus as far as I can recall no gf beer matches normal ha - though I quite like gf peroni of itself it turned out.

I’ve just spent a week being only person on gf Effes at the table and in the bar, or more usually vodka as this not widely available - totally fine.
At Xmas/for family house parties I take a variety of home made sausage rolls, quiche, crap from Tesco free from party range, etc etc - so much you can take yourself to ensure you’re eating gf if necessary - I do think the family should do a bit of their own input tbh.

I obviously don’t know the boy but is he likely to try and break his diet? Ie run around eating anything gluten he lays eyes on? It’s not uncommon kids rebel against restrictions until they learn. I mean hopefully he’s been taught not to run around drinking spare beer though!

They can go out every night for a glutenfree restaurant or order take away. You don't have to. It will be a very expensive week for you I think.

I eat 100% glutenfree because of being coeliac but my family? No.

I think for just one week it's easy to cook meals that don't require "gluten free" horrors such as GF bread etc. Cottage pie is just bolognese sauce with mashed potato on top. Chicken thighs roasted on veg and butter beans is gluten free. Just any pairing of meat with vegetable and pulses, potatoes or rice.
We aren't intolerant in any way but i probably haven't had any gluten for several weeks since i had eggs Benedict in a cafe. I only cook from scratch and don't thicken sauces and am not a big fan of bread.
My children like bread but would happily go without for a week for the sake of a guest. Their cereals would have to go but fruit salad for breakfast would be more than enough to win them over.

I agree, but they don’t want to use our pans or oven etc.

It’s difficult to find entirely GF restaurants!

I am coeliac and very careful but this does sound a bit much.

They could bring their own pans and cutlery and cook themselves maybe rather than putting the stress on you. Perhaps that’s what they are aiming for you to say.

I use toaster bags in other people’s houses and toast it myself. I eat away from a gluten full table eg if there is bread flying everywhere at breakfast. I take food first from the kitchen and not a gluten table.

I don’t imagine you are planning on the child downing a cheeky beer but having GF beer isn’t the end of the world for a few days. Odd though.

None of this info helps you really but bless you for trying to understand and accommodate.

Perhaps you could suggest that they bring their own pans and help you cook or be in the kitchen to direct you. That way if there is anything that’s a red flag then they can let you know immediately.

I definitely find reasons to chat to my hosts in the kitchen to check stocks/condiments/butter etc.

Or maybe/and they can bring their own something… like a lasagne prepared at home for one night.

Forcing GF bread on to anyone who isn’t Coeliac/intolerant is quite frankly cruel. 😄😬 Hmmmnnn dry, holey, kitchen sponge and butter. Yum.