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Original poster

Caeliac AIBU

3 replies

Pappybear · 19/10/2026 11:45

We have family visiting next week. Their 12 year old son has caeliac disease. I am very aware how serious this can be for him, and how tough it is to make some people aware that this isn’t just an “intolerance”.

However, in-laws are incredibly controlling about it (which I understand might be a coping mechanism/ entirely necessary) and we have been given a long list of requirements for their visit. Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. So basically the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here. Fine, but they also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable, which I get becuase maybe they don’t know how safe those restaurants are with cross contamination.

It makes the whole visit so stressful every time they come. And my question is AIBU in thinking they could life much easier for themselves, us and their child if they were a bit more flexible in terms of their expectations?

Or is this unreasonable of me and a weeks inconvenience for us is nothing compared to the inconvenience they have to deal with everyday. Just after some perspective, because they’re so prescriptive that I don’t know if this is what everyone with caeliac has to deal with.

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MNHQ

HopeMumsnet · 21/10/2026 12:38

I have a coeliac child and reckon what's going on here is the equivalent of the 'Brown M&M' tour rider, where bands would put 'no brown M&Ms' at the foot of their tour rider and if they found a bowl of sweeties with them in it... they knew they weren't being taken seriously.

My child rolls around in pain for a week if glutened, it's very much not just a sore tummy in our case, and as a teenager the anxiety and isolation is an absolute kicker.

Fwiw the recent advice we were given upon diagnosis said to replace cutting boards, teflon pots and pans etc because gluten can lurk in cut/scraped spaces. If your pots are new or in good nick, fine. If you were feeling generous (and unenvironmentally sound) you could go to Home Bargs or B&M and pick up roasting bags, toastabags for the toaster, foil and parchment, a cheapo cutting board, that kind of thing. That would be very kind and be a real indicator of intention and would cost less than a new toaster. (obvs as people have said no air fryer, no fan in oven)

Gluten free beer is btw much more standard than you'd think nowadays, now that brewers have discovered that they can take it out and it makes no odds either way. We were lucky that we like Williams Bros beers as things stand, so that was a nice surprise. I think the beer's the brown M&M though.

It's a whole world that you just don't know, fair enough and lucky you! If you join a local FB GF group they'll tell you the restaurants to order from (there are loads nowadays if you're in a city). Findmeglutenfree app will help but they will probably have looked at that and will know more than you at this stage.

Some people take inclusion more seriously, others less. Some people with Coeliac Disease know that the effects of a glutening are so bad a short-term risk isn't worth it. For a 12 year old who wants to enjoy their family dinners wthout anxiety it would be lovely of you to make a big effort.

MNHQ

HopeMumsnet · 21/10/2026 12:49

Or you could say roughly where you are and if anyone is nearby we could reco takeaways. I've even lent pans to pals if they are having GF guests, baked a cake etc. Nice to be nice and all that.

MNHQ

HopeMumsnet · 21/10/2026 12:59

There's a balance, isn't there? Immediate family gatherings are all GF, we've never had to ask. People seem to take it as a bit of a challenge tbh, and arm themselves and their kitchens with mahoosive rolls of foil and parchment to produce GF sausage rolls and the like. But ofc we'd never demand.
These guys do sound anxious but tbh it does make me anxious for my child, watching them having the stress of advocating for themselves (obvs I do it too but it's just... tough being a teen and in the middle of things). I wonder if the GF beer is also to allow the kid the usual 12 year old boy thing of stealing a sip? Wouldn't that be nice?

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