Who was wrong

[PerhapsPerhapsMaybe]

I’m in the supermarket with my boyfriend and looking for a self serve till. I spot a free one and am about to start scanning when a woman walks up and “tells us off” for queue jumping. She points at a large line which I hadn’t noticed and rants on about it. So my boyfriend tells her to calm down which makes her even madder. I start laughing at her ridiculousness. Then a member of staff comes over and apologises - to her!

I mean I get that we didn’t realise there was a queue but talk about an overreaction!

Was me and my boyfriend wrong to laugh at her?

𝐀 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐌𝐍𝐇𝐐.
𝐓𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐏 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

Honestly I wouldn't have confronted you but man your jerks. Honestly you shouldn't have laughed at her and you should be more aware of ques in public. Sounds like your rather entitled.

Does your boyfriend always tell women to calm down when they are standing up for themselves?

Should have gone to Specsavers love.

It's a very common tactic for people to act oblivious when pushing in, and pretending that they don't realise that there is a queue - especially with the self-service tills.

They often work on the basis that, even if somebody does get annoyed and tell them, once they've hastily scanned the first item, they can feign an apology, but still get away with finishing 'just this time' (except they do it every single time).

Of course, some people are just naturally unaware and aren't pushing in on purpose - but it's still nevertheless annoying when it happens; and you can't know whether it was deliberate or not.

You were, obviously, wrong here. You said she was ranting on and that’s what prompted your boyfriend to tell her to calm down, but then you’ve said her so-called ranting was saying “there’s a massive queue here” in a tone you deemed angry. Given how rudely you admit to behaving, and the staff member apologised to her, I doubt her tone was rude. You just got called out and you don’t like it.

You and your boyfriend were both extremely rude. And yes of course a member of staff apologised to the woman. You queue jumped and didn’t apologise but laughed at her. So rude and selfish.

when you’re in public, you need to be aware of others around you. To be so completely unaware of a long queue at a supermarket is both selfish and stupid.

Eh, I don't know, since I didn't see exactly how everything went myself. But from what you've said, it sounds like everyone involved could have done better.

So, you and your boyfriend made a mistake, okay. You could have paid closer attention to the queue. But that doesn't give someone the right to yell at you. The woman could have made her case politely, not automatically assume you'd jumped the line deliberately and loudly called you out.

Your boyfriend's response may have been understandable, consider you two were being loudly called out for an accident. Still, telling someone to calm down is well known to make them even madder, so.

Your laughter didn't help either, as I'm sure you know, though it could have been a kind of embarrassed laugh or kind of in defense or your boyfriend or whatever, so possibly an understandable reaction to being yelled at in front of everybody.

So, maybe it was just one of those things and the employee only saw what they saw, and reacted accordingly. Maybe it would have been more fair if the employee had acted in a neutral way instead of taking a side, though.

Overall, I'd probably just consider it an unfortunate series of events and see if there's anything you could do differently in the future. Fortunately, there was no lasting harm. :)

So, it was a really long queue that everyone else in the supermarket noticed and got in, and waited patiently, yet both you and your boyfriend both missed seeing it? I’m guessing no one in the queue believed this, and you laughing at them didn’t go down well.

Was this before or after school?

@PerhapsPerhapsMaybe My first reaction would be to say "How embarrassing, I'm so sorry" and step away. You kind of showed that you didn't give a fuck about people waiting so yeah, you're unreasonable (and rude).

You had me until you said the sales assistant apologised to the customer, so I'm giving this 2/10.

You jumped a long queue. So she was robust? Get over yourself.

Thank you all for your views. Full disclosure, for which I apologise because I know it’s annoying…but this is a reverse. The reason was because I was genuinely curious to know if I was in the wrong. The young man was incredibly condescending in his “calm down dear” manner and hopefully his girlfriend may eventually see that as a red flag rather than laugh along with his misogynistic attitude.

You and your BF were in the wrong @PerhapsPerhapsMaybe

First of all, you got her back up by being entitled and just waltzing up to a till because you didn't see a queue.

Instead of immediately apologizing to her for your mistake, you laugh at her for her valid reaction at being irritated by your selfish behaviour.
Yes, she may have been rude. This could easily have worked in your favour by apologising and defusing the situation. It probably would have shown to all involved that she overreacted but instead you decided to belittle her valid irritation by laughing at her. This whole situation was badly handled by you and BF.

Next time just be a bit more aware - see if there's a queue. Apologize if you get something wrong. It's very simple

The mistake is not the issue; it's how it's handled.

OP laughed in the face of the person pointing it out, clearly angry that many other people noticed the queue, but OP not only missed it but also continued to make a joke of it. She made a mistake, yes, but then handled it very badly.

A very quick apology and a move to the back of the queue was all that was needed.

Exactly. Whenever I read about a man telling a woman to “calm down” I think fuck off. A man rarely tells another man to calm down.

just reposting this as it seems to have got lost!

Again, I apologise for the reverse. It’s something I very rarely do as I know how irritating it can be! 😝

Of course we've all made a mistake, but the thing to do is own it and apologise, which is what normal people do - not laugh and tell someone to calm down.

Reverses are confusing and annoying for everyone.

Yes I get that reverses can be annoying which is why I apologised.

But it shouldn’t be confusing. I told the situation exactly as it happened. I didn’t cover myself in glory, if anything painted myself as more strident than I was in the moment. But I was cross and let them know it. The only reason it would be confusing is if you replied with the intention of wanting to be disagreeable to the OP regardless of who they were in the scenario

You could have just apologised. Laughing at someone who’s already upset or angry is never a great idea.

Very irritating. You were rude. The couple was rude.

The End

Just saw it’s a reverse…

I've accidentally jumped a large queue before and had it pointed out to me. I've just apologised and made a self depreciating comment about my own lack of awareness. You were very unreasonable to laugh at the other person.