Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for making this comment

36 replies

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 22:21

So today I think I upset someone at work today and I genuinely feel awful. I have a good banter with a colleague we have a laugh and take the piss all the time at each others expense. We always so sometimes it can go a touch too far sometimes we can laugh it off.
this colleague by rank could be considered at my level ish I come with a little more experience than that have and ive done their job before. I was chosen to deliver some info about key agenda items to a few teams. We were say in our team when I was asked. He said something to me and I felt it was in an abrupt manner something sarcastic about why I was chosen and another colleague said yeah didnt they fancy choosing insert other colleagues name.
So I do say “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as ive done this before does make sense.” Colleague then said “not a d* measuring competition” and eye rolled at me I then said i feel you tried to undermine my intellect. We then had a meeting later and he passed over to me and I said “what shall I add you’ve said everything” I really didn’t mean it to come across badly at all but he sort of just closed the office door later and didn't really say much to me after that and normally we head down in the lift after work and they just left.
I genuinely don’t ever want to upset anyone. Have I done wrong because the anxiety is actually eating me up. I’m the kind of person that usually is reactive then later on realises I may have been out of line.

ive considered I may need to say sorry on Monday.

OP posts:
MidnightFridgeRaider · 16/10/2026 22:28

These things happen... I'm sure an apology will be appreciated and maybe putting some boundaries in place to prevent such incidents taking place again.

SoThatsTheWayItIs · 16/10/2026 22:30

You've already posted this today?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/10/2026 22:34

This is the third thread you've started about this today.

Needacalminginfluence · 16/10/2026 22:50

When people talk to each other " taking the piss" out of each other there is always a good chance someone is going to end up hurting somebody 's feelings. Perhaps you should all behave a bit more professionally at work and have normal civilised conversations?

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 22:54

MidnightFridgeRaider · 16/10/2026 22:28

These things happen... I'm sure an apology will be appreciated and maybe putting some boundaries in place to prevent such incidents taking place again.

I will say sorry on Monday. I am feeling so anxious about it I just stayed to spiral thinking oh god what if they talked about me to others

OP posts:
NotAnotherScarf · 16/10/2026 23:00

Hay its bance...or rather its not. I've done it and you wince and call yourself a prat.

Then you go and apologise and remind yourself every time you speak to that person again they are not as thick skinned as you thought so watch what you say

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 23:05

NotAnotherScarf · 16/10/2026 23:00

Hay its bance...or rather its not. I've done it and you wince and call yourself a prat.

Then you go and apologise and remind yourself every time you speak to that person again they are not as thick skinned as you thought so watch what you say

Was what I said really awful

OP posts:
CinnamonJellyBeans · 16/10/2026 23:35

It sounds like your relationahip with each other needs to be more courteous, respectful and professional. This doesn't mean you have to cool your friendship, but you can't go into a meeting with other people and start griping at each other, banter or not.

FriendlyMedusa · 17/10/2026 00:17

I'm a bit baffled here to be honest! It sounds like he was the rude one and you simply defended yourself.

Unless his first comment wasn't intended sarcastically, I can't see how you've done anything wrong by not letting someone undermine your skills.

NotAnotherScarf · 17/10/2026 00:52

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 23:05

Was what I said really awful

No but he's clearly much more thin skinned than you expected. So you apologise "if I upset you". And you move on. If he's that thinned skin I'd not do much more than be pleasant in future.

Swanfeet · 17/10/2026 18:19

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 22:21

So today I think I upset someone at work today and I genuinely feel awful. I have a good banter with a colleague we have a laugh and take the piss all the time at each others expense. We always so sometimes it can go a touch too far sometimes we can laugh it off.
this colleague by rank could be considered at my level ish I come with a little more experience than that have and ive done their job before. I was chosen to deliver some info about key agenda items to a few teams. We were say in our team when I was asked. He said something to me and I felt it was in an abrupt manner something sarcastic about why I was chosen and another colleague said yeah didnt they fancy choosing insert other colleagues name.
So I do say “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as ive done this before does make sense.” Colleague then said “not a d* measuring competition” and eye rolled at me I then said i feel you tried to undermine my intellect. We then had a meeting later and he passed over to me and I said “what shall I add you’ve said everything” I really didn’t mean it to come across badly at all but he sort of just closed the office door later and didn't really say much to me after that and normally we head down in the lift after work and they just left.
I genuinely don’t ever want to upset anyone. Have I done wrong because the anxiety is actually eating me up. I’m the kind of person that usually is reactive then later on realises I may have been out of line.

ive considered I may need to say sorry on Monday.

This is so badly written I couldn’t make myself read to the end.

Branleuse · 17/10/2026 18:34

I think that what he said to you is worse than what you said back to him and since.
I think you should stand your ground and don't apologise.

Gmhopkins · 17/10/2026 18:34

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 23:05

Was what I said really awful

How can anyone know whether it was awful except you? We weren’t there. You’re wrapping yourself up in anxiety and asking others to reassure you. Can you do anything for yourself in this context? Maybe resolve to apologies on Monday and stop worrying yourself sick?

Anarchy99 · 17/10/2026 18:40

I know you are looking for reassurance but I’m afraid it was very rude.

The whole point of ‘banter’ is that it never gets to the point of upsetting or annoying someone - perhaps move towards a more professional relationship with this person if neither of you can play nicely.

And they probably are talking about you to other people - but you are posting about him online so it’s not really different.

Anarchy99 · 17/10/2026 18:41

NotAnotherScarf · 17/10/2026 00:52

No but he's clearly much more thin skinned than you expected. So you apologise "if I upset you". And you move on. If he's that thinned skin I'd not do much more than be pleasant in future.

If you apologise ‘if I upset you’ then it’s not an apology

Messymummy910 · 17/10/2026 19:32

I’m confused - how was what the OP said very rude? Everything they said was in response to the colleague being bitter and envious, no?

PegPowler · 17/10/2026 19:42

Swanfeet · 17/10/2026 18:19

This is so badly written I couldn’t make myself read to the end.

Absolutely. Hard to make out what on earth is going on.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 17/10/2026 19:54

You: “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as I've done this before does make sense.”
Colleague: “Not a dick measuring competition”
You: "I feel you tried to undermine my intellect"

It sounds as though the colleague is the rude one here. Not a nice thing to say to you at all.

EmmaB1309 · 17/10/2026 21:21

I might be misunderstanding this but it sounds to me like they had already been quite rude to you…..
I try to avoid these bantery type relationships as it can be hard to see where the line is.
Dont beat yourself up.

dairydebris · 17/10/2026 21:24

With this level of anxiety you can't really do banter I"m afraid.

JustGoogleIt15 · 17/10/2026 21:27

dairydebris · 17/10/2026 21:24

With this level of anxiety you can't really do banter I"m afraid.

This

Stop the banter

EdgyPlumQuail · 18/10/2026 08:28

A word salad with extra croutons.

JamesFrond · 18/10/2026 08:55

The whole culture sounds awful. You were asked to do something quite normal and two other people were clawing away at you.

Then you said what you said later in a meeting in front of other people. I can’t even remember what it was properly because the op is so poorly written.

We don’t know if it was terrible or not because it’s all in the tone. There are a dozen ways of saying what you said but the top and bottom of it is that without this weird way of communicating with one another what you said would have been quite normal.

But because of this odd way of dealing with one another it sounds undermining. Or that he drones on unnecessarily.

If this was me, I’d apologise to the colleague in person and to all the people in the meeting casually by saying ‘look at that meeting on Friday, I didn’t mean to say that Bob wasn’t doing a good job, he is.’ or something like that. Then stop completely with the banter.

AFigureWalks · 18/10/2026 09:33

You don’t have anything to apologise for.

AmberTigerEyes · 18/10/2026 09:41

This is why banter and taking the piss out of each other is never harmless
That whole practice and culture needs to stop.

I would not apologise so much as go in and ask to just stop all banter because this is not the first time they or you have gone too far with it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread