Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for making this comment

36 replies

gloriousday34 · 16/10/2026 22:21

So today I think I upset someone at work today and I genuinely feel awful. I have a good banter with a colleague we have a laugh and take the piss all the time at each others expense. We always so sometimes it can go a touch too far sometimes we can laugh it off.
this colleague by rank could be considered at my level ish I come with a little more experience than that have and ive done their job before. I was chosen to deliver some info about key agenda items to a few teams. We were say in our team when I was asked. He said something to me and I felt it was in an abrupt manner something sarcastic about why I was chosen and another colleague said yeah didnt they fancy choosing insert other colleagues name.
So I do say “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as ive done this before does make sense.” Colleague then said “not a d* measuring competition” and eye rolled at me I then said i feel you tried to undermine my intellect. We then had a meeting later and he passed over to me and I said “what shall I add you’ve said everything” I really didn’t mean it to come across badly at all but he sort of just closed the office door later and didn't really say much to me after that and normally we head down in the lift after work and they just left.
I genuinely don’t ever want to upset anyone. Have I done wrong because the anxiety is actually eating me up. I’m the kind of person that usually is reactive then later on realises I may have been out of line.

ive considered I may need to say sorry on Monday.

OP posts:
67789d · 18/10/2026 09:44

You can't apologise for a person happy to give it, but not take it. He sounds like a sulky wet wipe.

Ignore his sulk, but know to keep things strictly professional from now on

boomboombooom · 18/10/2026 10:02

Hard to understand what happened but it sounds like he was the rude one. You’re spiralling over nothing.

theearthsayshello · 18/10/2026 10:05

Don't do "banter" at work, it always ends badly and it's not required.

JamesFrond · 18/10/2026 13:01

AFigureWalks · 18/10/2026 09:33

You don’t have anything to apologise for.

I don’t agree but only because we can’t know how she said what she said. It could have sounded fine but it could have sounded undermining or sarcastic.

Nearly50omg · 18/10/2026 16:20

HE is the one who should be apologising but he’s gaslighting you so you think it’s you that should be apologising to him!!!

Charlenedickens · 18/10/2026 16:28

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 17/10/2026 19:54

You: “I have been a leader before this job so being chosen in this context as I've done this before does make sense.”
Colleague: “Not a dick measuring competition”
You: "I feel you tried to undermine my intellect"

It sounds as though the colleague is the rude one here. Not a nice thing to say to you at all.

Reality? I think they are as bad as each other, sure rhe dick measuring comment was uncalled for but for me tne whole I’ve been a leader before so it’s natural I’m chosen is really far up the ops arse, as is the horrible you’ve tried to undermine my intellect.

BuildbyNumbere · 18/10/2026 17:02

Swanfeet · 17/10/2026 18:19

This is so badly written I couldn’t make myself read to the end.

Agree … can’t make sense of what’s happened … glad the “little more experience” doesn’t rely on OPs level of written communication!

emmas123 · 18/10/2026 18:23

It sounds like you both have behaved pretty poorly. If i understand the scenario, this conversation was done publicly, with other team members (possibly more junior members of staff?) Present - which I can imagine was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

There's far better ways to maintain good relationships and even friendships with colleagues that don't involve "banter" that often goes too far.

Empress13 · 18/10/2026 18:29

Sorry don’t understand what his comment meant ?

Anarchy99 · 19/10/2026 12:02

People hate banter because most people don’t understand how it should work and they end up being dicks.

I have that relationship with one of my colleagues (who has become one of my best friends) and in 14 years of working together, we have never gone too far or upset the other one.

People use it as an excuse to just be an arsehole and someone always gets hurt

TheLastSilverSaint · 19/10/2026 12:37

This entire thing sounds like such a non-issue to be honest. Sounds like a fuss about nothing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread