Ultimate Betrayal

[Mufasa1992]

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

I’ve woken my small kids, left the house at 3am to catch flights… Also did same when my husband was graduating from his masters in another country. Even managed to be in the hall before ceremony started. It’s doable if you really want to, albeit I didn’t have 5 preschoolers.

You know phones come with cameras, don’t you . . . ?

You should have left earlier. Where is the betrayal. Was your wife not to take any photos of her and her parents and brothers/sisters? The DC were unhappy because you were disorganised. And it was your DW's day, not yours, so you should have been more organised. It's not all about you. It's all about her. Very likely she is upset/annoyed you couldn't be bothered to arrive in time and there are only poor pictures of her and her DC on her big day. You should apologise immediately and stfu.

To be fair a married man with multiple children noting he paid for his wife's graduation gown does raise flags as it sounds like it's 'his money' and 'her money' instead of 'family money' and 9 times out of 10 she's doing the bulk of the child raising and he's earning most of the money. The fact you are the woman doesn't remove that concern - do you both have equal access to family money? Hopefully you just mean that you organised it?

“Various educational providers”? Thought you said they’re in nursery? :s 😵‍💫
why did you run around? Why couldn’t you send an email?

I don't care whether you've a penis or not, YABU. A graduation is not a place to take 4 under 5. If you couldn't get childcare you should've just let him have his day.

'Ultimate betrayal'. Dramatic much?

I thought you were going to tell us you somehow discovered that your wife had been having an affair with her tutor, and you only discovered it when you arrived late and caught them snogging in a dark corner.

👏👏👏👏

this thread could have stopped here..

What have I read?

You left over an hour late. Didn’t have snacks for the kids.And now you’re angry and feeling ‘betrayed’ because your wife took lovely photos with her family?

How bloody selfish are you?

Have you seen the photos with you and the kids in? Are they OK or is it obvious they were having strops and crying?

How has your husband who works nights managed to get a degree, especially while you have 4 children under 5? I understand you being proud of him blah blah, but when does he have time for parenting?

Reversing the sex is really bloody irritating by the way. It nearly always makes a difference what sex the poster is. In safeguarding a mother with so many children under 5 is a possible red flag for her being vulnerable and isolated and in a potentially abusive relationship. Not so for the dad as he doesn't have the pregnancy and breast feeding etc factors, he can just bugger off to work and drinks after. Obviously I am massively oversimplifying but you haven't helped yourself by doing sex reversals.

You really thought you were doing something by reversing the genders 😅.

I might not have but the points you’ve raised are very valid and I agree completely!

which is why it’s pissed me off so much

Who cares what gender you are?

I just don’t even understand what this is about

You were late you knew you weren’t gonna be there for Photos so what the hell is the problem?

and actually, why did you take them anyway? It’s not really an event for kids. You just took them for a photo?

But you also kept mentioning that you paid for the photographer at the birthday party. And the gown… this thread is so weird.

1. You can’t “choose” the slot in which you graduate, you are given a day and time
2. I completely understand kids are hard to get ready, and traffic/parking can be a pain, BUT if you failed to leave on time, failed to book appropriate parking, and failed to feed them properly while they were in your care, how is that your wife’s fault?

Unless there is a huge backstory/dripfeed, could this not read: partner has to look after kids and organise stuff on a special occasion - wife’s graduation - and encounters major obstacles; then blames wife for choosing photos of non grumpy kids?

Then why do yourself such a disservice by misrepresenting the situation?

At the same time, I stand by what I said - why would anyone want a graduation photo with four crying children when other pics are available?

The party photo is a separate issue and not at all the same.

I mean this in the nicest possible way: get over yourself, OP.

It seems you are most upset about the way the family photos turned out, which was a bit of bad planning on your part, plus a bit of bad luck.

It isn’t your husband’s fault the family photos turned out poorly. If he hadn’t been photographed with his parents it wouldn’t have made the photos with your children any better. It just would have meant he didn’t have the option to buy the nicer photo with his parents instead. You’d have ended up with a bad family photo, instead of no family photo, and it doesn’t seem like you’d have been happy with that outcome, either.

You just have to chalk it up to bad luck/poor decision making as I never would have attempted that! You had to have realised you were taking a risk that it would go poorly with such a long car ride and very small children!

I’ve also never heard of a photographer that wouldn’t allow you to buy an extra photo even if it wasn’t in the “package.” They’ve already taken the photos, they’d be happy to sell you a second one. Whether you want to pay for the bad family photo is a different consideration but doesn’t change the fact that that photo you actually want just didn’t happen, and that isn’t DPs fault!

The OP has switched roles. She has 4 children under 5 while he worked nights, studied for a degree and she does all the mornings and god knows what else. It would be more helpful if she could start again tbh and give a truer picture of what life is like.

I may be wrong but this sounds very much like an Open University graduation in which you can choose the ceremony time and even the venue.

because we’re the ones supporting him every step of the way. Doesn’t matter if my kids were upset or not we put up with the stressful exam days. The late nights doing coursework and working around his schedule. Yeah it’s his day but we were a part of the journey too.

Yes exactly this.

Thank you! I have done a lot to support him getting of this degree.

I'm worried about myself here as I was and still am completely with the OP both before and after the gender reveal, in fact I initially thought it was a female couple. But the vitriol for the OP ...?! WTAF? I particularly liked the poster who said they could easily get up and get ready early, aside from the fact that they didn't have 4 preschoolers, without a hint of irony.

When I had 2 under 5s I could barely get from A to B at any time of day. So yeah, I think the OP is rightly upset and I can't understand why I am the only one. Maybe people just feel cheated by the title which I agree is a bit OTT.

The “ultimate betrayal” is some family photos that you were an hour late for 🤨

Honestly, get a grip!