Ultimate Betrayal

[Mufasa1992]

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

If a bloke works nights and is studying for a degree, AND has 4 children under 5, then it’s hard to think of an example of something his partner could say that makes her the selfishest person you’ve ever met. My colleague has 2 kids, only one of them is under 5, doesn’t work nights, gets study leave and just finished a degree. We all congratulated him and his wife because we know what a load that puts on the family.

The only mistake you and your DH made was trying to insert the kids into his big day and a restaurant meal when they would have been happier at nursery. Just a weird time to prioritise a family photo when it’s about an individual’s achievement, with partner’s support.

I don't really follow the official photo bit. Package was booked in advance for one photo of graduate and one with family members. You were supposed to be there before the ceremony for the official photos but didn't get there in time (or not in enough time to settle the kids) so you and the kids were only in unofficial photos.

When my son graduated in the summer he was given a timeslot for official photos. His was before the ceremony. If you missed your slot it could not be guaranteed that you could be fitted in later as there was a stream of ceremonies and loads of graduates and families to get through.

So I read it as your husband was running out of time to get his official photos done so he took his mum and dad in rather than risk wasting the slot which makes sense. Even if there had been a few mins to squeeze in the official photos after you arrived, the kids were cross, hungry and crying and the photos would have been shit anyway.

Or have I got that wrong? Is the real issue that you think he could/should have waited until after the ceremony/your arrival to go in for the official photos? Was that an option? Or was there no allocated time slot?

Absolutely this. This was YOUR fault. Why on earth are you trying to suggest it’s your wife who is the issue?
I would imagine your wife would have loved to have a gorgeous photo with you and your children. YOU prevented that, not her.
Get over yourself.

She managed to get a degree while being pregnant and birthing 4 children in quick succession?? This woman is a super hero. You need to give your head a wobble. Move on.

Honestly it sounds like you both have piss poor organisational skills and with the best will in the world dragging 4 under fives to a graduation day is batshit.

Let it go and move on (and dress up and get AI to pop you into the good photos if it's that important to you).

Contact the photographer and pay extra for a print of the photo with you and the kids. They will still have it on file if they’re anything like the photographers from the graduations I’ve recently attended.

Please pass on my congratulations to your wife. The fact she has graduated whilst having 4 very young kids sounds bloody amazing!

No, read the thread. The person who graduated is male.

Photos on high-stakes special occasions with strict timings and lots of little kids are much more likely to be a stressy disaster than not. Little kids are notoriously uncooperative, and don’t take well to being rushed. There will be lots more occasions to take photos, and lots more nice photos in the future, so don’t worry about this one.

I think you’re getting hung up on the photos because you’re feeling unappreciated and taken for granted while you bore and raised his children and supported him in getting a degree, and it would be worth having a heart to heart with your husband about that, and giving him the chance to make you feel appreciated.

Not sure why you took the children to be honest, It's not really their sort of thing is it?

When DH received his PhD we booked and paid for 4 hotel rooms overnight, (DM, DS, DD +1 and DH and me) the night before to be sure we'd all be there on time and we were all adults with no problem getting up and dressed early. Seems if the photos were so important to you you'd have the effort to plan properly and be on time.

Behave yourself OP.

Your wife has had 4 kids in under 5yrs and still managed to study and graduate.

Literally your only job here is to congratulate her and beam with pride.

Oh, so you’re the female then? Cheer up, the posts will change tone now. 😂😂😂

There's something wrong with you.

Ultimate betrayal?? Fuck me, you're dramatic as fuck.
It was always going to be a disaster, small kids are shit at occasions which is why they're best left at home...

Not sure how old your wife is, but presuming as a mother of 4 her parents haven't funded her studies, she didn't need to have them there, never mind her siblings. Why didn't you get her parents, or siblings to look after the children so that you could attend with her.

Massive dick

If it had been your graduation and your wife’s only job was to get there on time with the kids. What do you think would have happened?

@ChocoChocoLatte @Tattletail the person graduating is a man, please read the OP posts

@Melancholyflower @StarCourt the graduate was the husband. OP post was a reverse.

I was also totally with you, trying to find a parking space with 4 under 5s sounds very, very stressful, no wonder you lost your rag!

Yes, I saw that when I read the rest of the OP’s posts. Point still stands though.

I know you said the photo package was pre-booked but there’s no photographer on earth who is going to refuse to sell you more photos than your original agreement. If there’s been a photo of all of you that was good enough then I’m absolutely certain you could have bought it on top of the package.
Its not really either of your fault the photo with kids didn’t work out, but I can’t see how it makes any difference at all that he got some nice photos with other family first.

My son at university this year. No family or partners were allowed in for the official photo. We just paid for the gown and the one photograph.

Was the same for the other two at university. Was a mad scramble later to get family pictures outside. I was given random strangers phones to take pictures of mum, dad, partner, and the graduate. Someone else did the same for us.

I used my brain when it was my son's graduation. We all went up the night before in case of traffic. With my second son we had three photos. All of this non drama could have been avoided if only you'd just used your brain..