Ultimate Betrayal

[Mufasa1992]

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

Your making this all about you

Honestly it ws crazy to take 4 under 5 to a graduation event just to get photos. They dont give a crap. Why couldn't you just stay home with kids, let partner have their graduation. You could have easily done photos before she left

And who cares if you paid for stuff it a joint relationship with joint money.

Wtf did I just read? I bet you're a joy to live with. Leave on time next time something is time critical.

I don't understand why you didn't organise to be there early.
Kids could have diven up with their aunt etc.or stayed home with baby sitter.

It's madness that your wife didn't have you there with her parents and no one else.

However, I think you should purchase the nice photo and also one realistic one with you and kids.

Stop behaving snooty and hard done by when you were late.

I see now that this was a reverse, why not just tell the truth from the start OP ?
Because re pregnancy and birthing there are obviously differences between the sexes and you would have had different responses. There were red flags in your OP which would read rather differently knowing that you are the one doing the bulk of the child care etc.
You have been pregnant or post natal for the last five years, while also bringing up small children, and that is a very different position to the other way round.
Also the ultimate betrayal stuff hasn’t helped you.

Christ on a bike. Here’s me with my popcorn hoping to read about illicit shagging and disputed parentage at the very least…

Instead it’s yet another disorganized bloke who is surprised on a daily basis that children are hard work. I also note he’s lucky enough to be married to an awesome female with multiple young kids who has smashed a degree as well, bless her heart.

Except it is actually a man who has achieved an OU degree while working nightshifts. His wife feels betrayed because she was late and wasn't in the right set of photos and wants to make his graduation a family photo opportunity instead of a celebration of his hard work, because she supported him.

⬆️ I tend to agree. Probably wouldn’t have called you a twat but you do sound like a sulky child!

I don’t understand why YOU’RE the one who’s pissed off - if anything, your wife has more reason to be. What was she supposed to do in your absence? Not take any photos at all? Miss her celebration because you couldn’t get yourself & the kids there on time?

If you want a nice photo of your family, there’s nothing stopping you from doing it yourselves at some point when the kids aren’t upset - you can all dress up - your wife still has her diploma & you can hire or borrow a gown - they’re not expensive.

BUT at the end of the day, the fact you haven’t got the photos you wanted was down to YOU. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well I’m an academic and I’ve never heard of graduation ceremonies allowing more than two guests per graduand. Strange to consider this a betrayal. Kids shouldn’t really attend the ceremonies anyway, they’re boring as fuck.

Not just a betrayal, the ultimate betrayal!

The OP admitted it's a reverse. Her husbands getting his degree and she's annoyed and didn't get the pictures.

The "betrayal" was the fact he had smiling photos with his family, op's inlaws, then was not smiling in the ones where his dc were whinging and misbehaving.

I guess OP thinks it suggests to everyone he loves her less, or spitefully doesn't want her to have a good photo...

It's a photo, you need to get a grip if that's all that went wrong!

This is not about you. This whole post comes over like a self absorbed prat who really should have just apologised for being late and sucked it up.

And I hope you would make the same snide remark to a woman trying to attend her husband's graduation or whatever but we all know that wouldn't happen. He must always put his 'little family' before all else, his birth family would be well down the list of priorities.

This makes more sense now. I did think it weird for a man to give the slightest fuck about photos.

I think there’s some of this but definitely some reflection on what’s driving my need for the perfect photo

Probably insta Op.

Oh, you definitely were.

You sound surprised at the gender bias on MN! Had you not reversed the genders you would have got far more sympathetic responses, it would still have been all his fault, he would have been evil for leaving you to deal with the children for starters!

Grow up mate. It's 1 photograph.

A betrayal would be having an affair. Finding out she has run up hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt. NOT taking a nice pic with her mum and dad.

I'm betting you're VERY hard work, controlling and jealous. Not boding well for your marriage really.

@Mufasa1992 I can understand why your DH liked the concept of all his family being there but he was wrong and both of you should have arrived at that conclusion after a 5 minute chat discussing logistics.

Taking 4 young DC to a graduation over 2 hours away for 1 photo is fucking nuts

Grow up.

I wasn't sure why the kids were hungry? Why didn't you pack proper food / snacks?

YABU to ruin your wife's special day by being disorganised and late.

I am happy for her that she got a nice family photo.

Oh come on. It was a really important event. I hope you really supported her whole degree, not just thought you were special for paying for a few photos. You had two simple options. Bring the children to stay the night before or have an early night and get them up early, fed and watered. You also could have researched and organised the parking properly. Your children missed most their Mum's special event because you couldn't parent them for a few hours properly

Ah I missed the bit where it was a reverse. I think missing out that your OH was disorganised in the planning too was an issue that was key info. But still think you're being unreasonable tbh

Yeah but that’s what I didn’t want, I wanted opinions of this incident on isolation.

as posters say it shouldn’t matter if I was a man or a woman I wanted to know whether I was reasonable to be upset about the perfect image and memories he’s created with his family that apparently he can’t have with me and the kids.