Organise a party for the girls in a new class

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DD (Year 3) has moved schools a couple of weeks ago. The reason was a much better school academically. She misses her closely-knit small group of friends with whom she has been since nursery.

She loves a new school, doesn't want to move back to the old one. She seems to be OK with finding new friends. I was thinking to organise a party (like mystery treasure hunt or little Bake off) and invite the girls from her class to give her more social opportunities to develop friendships.

However, my husband thinks that it would look strange and look very desperate. Her birthday party is not until summer. I know that the best way is to befriend the parents of the children and then invite for playdates but it doesn't seem to be that easy for a number of reasons, mostly different drop-offs and pick up times. I don't even know the names of the children in the class.

Any thoughts? Be as honest as you can!

YABU: Don't, it'll look desperate, DH is right.

YANBU: why not? lovely idea.

No it’s not weird. I used to do Christmas and Halloween parties for the girls to help friendships along.

How many girls are there? If a small-ish number it sounds like a nice idea. I agree linking it to Halloween or Christmas would be a good idea.

There are around 15 girls in the year, it's a small semi-rural school. I was thinking about hiring a room in a local village hall (solves the problem with space) in November as in December everyone is usually very busy, and not enough time to organise Halloween party.

DH also commented that the party is in November, not Christmas or Halloween is also strange.

I’d do a Halloween one (good reason and fun to dress up) but wouldn’t have a party for no reason.

I would probably leave it. I had to move mine and I understand where you are coming from but unless you are trying it to an event you will look odd.

Allow her to settle, she will get to know people and take it easy. A party will look desperate and if you happen to clash with a birthday it could be a big flop.

Good luck though. Been there and after a couple of terms kids settle. They are very resilient it is the parents who struggle more

Do a Halloween party. Very popular. Won’t look desperate. But not on Halloween as they will likely have plans to go trick or treating.

I think hiring a hall would be odd. Having them all over at yours or suggesting a park picnic would be fine, but going to the effort of hiring a hall, games, catering, is too much when it's not her birthday. Whilst it's still quite warm, and it's nearly half term, why not invite everyone to the park, or suggest a soft play date for all at the weekend. Better still would be coming to your home, but of course that requires a pretty big home! I'm assuming you're on the parents WhatsApp to arrange all this, which you may not be yet I suppose.

Firstly "a much better school academically". Its a primary school not Roedean. Why even mention that? She is Year 3 and will soon make friends without your interference. You come across like Amanda in Amandaland tbh.

I don’t think I’d go as far as hiring a hall. That would be weird. Halloween party half term week is your best bet but you’d have to manage it at home. You can get off with a Christmas thing in Nov, like Christmas bauble painting or some sort of Christmas movie night.

You know all those threads about people having a wedding but not actually getting married? This is this, but with 7 year olds.

Don’t do it, it’s weird.

Thank you very much for the opinions!

We live twenty minutes drive from the school hence was thinking about the hall nearby so it's more convenient.

I've mentioned the reason of changing school to show as it's not because of social struggles or bullying. DH has also mentioned Amanda )))

Any more ideas to help socially, or just leave it as it is?

I find dividing parties by sex a bit odd, why just girls? If you asked most yr 3 girls to list their friends most would list a boy or five before they'd listed all the girls.

But aside from that there is actually someone new to our school who is doing this, but it's a Halloween party at theirs (and mixed), so I think I'd go with that - i certainly don't think it's strange however and am more than happy for my daughter to attend.

But if you can organise a party, surely you can organise a few play dates? Which will be better for fostering new friendships than a big group.

And how does this person manage the numbers? We have an average-sized home, can't see more than 6 guests max at the same time. I don't think DD will be able to cherry pick six besties at this stage.

Unless you can do a Halloween party at your house in half term I’d leave it ( not all would turn up at half term as woukd have plans already)
Or invite half one day and half another to do Halloween activities - muffin decorating etc

With the party you'd just send the invitation with RSVP. My previous experience was that finding the time for the playdate was very difficult, everyone works FT and the weekends are busy. I can't blame the parents.

I don't know even the parents faces, so can't actually approach with "Hey, do you want a playdate?" Not even mentioning that personally I would find this weird and desperate.

only other thing you could do is rotate play dates. Just tell your dd she can invite two or three girls over one Friday evening, get her to invite them in school and then try to catch the mums on the yard. If she is y3 they can probably manage it between themselves. Then get her to invite another two or three a different time. My youngest is in y1 and regularly comes out of school having arranged a play date to come over to our house. I’m sure your dd could manage it

I think it’s a bit ‘try hard’ at this stage in the proceedings, especially as it isn’t for a particular occasion. I think it could be a nice idea, maybe even for no reason, once your dd is (and you are) more established at the school, but I think the other parents might think it’s a bit…odd for you to throw a party which is so obviously to encourage other children to be friends with your dd.

Having said that, I don’t actually think the children would object to being invited to a party for any reason…or none at all. In fact, they’d probably love it, but you’ll alienate all the boys in the class (and their parents) in the process! It’s a minefield…On balance maybe leave it for now. What usually happens is the kids start asking if x can come for tea etc. Friendships will blossom organically.

But if they have time to drop a child to a party at the weekend, they have time to drop to a play date, surely? Is there a class parents’ WhatsApp? Get yourself on it and invite a few kids your DD likes. It’s what I did when we moved countries at Christmas 2019 and DS (then nearly 8) started a new school in January. I’d never met the parents till the play dates in question. DS is still good friends with those kids now, though they’re all at different secondaries.

I don't have a clear answer but anyone trying too hard with me would make me feel smothered so would have to step back it is a nice idea but only if you were prepared for maybe only a small group

Absolutely not weird, and the kids will love it. Plus parents will love you as they’ll get a couple of hours of child free time! Well for one child at least.
dads don’t get it because their friendships and views on friendships are different.

Just ask her for some names? She doesn't have to choose "best" friends, just any names she remembers.

Agreed. You do really need a reason to host a party. It will be obvious that you are trying to cement friendships for her.

Halloween, Christmas, Easter or her birthday.

I actually don’t think a party of 15 is going to be the best way to cement friendships. There’s too many kids and they’ll just play in their established groups. You’d be better off focusing on play dates individually or doing something for 3/4 of them.

I think Bunnycat makes a very good point, your DD may well end up left out at her own party.

DD had a few girls join her school outside the usual entry points, we made a point of inviting them over. She ended up good friends with one, the others found different groups but they (and their mums) were really grateful and DD got invited to pretty much everyone’s birthday parties. Hopefully some of your DD’s new classmates will do the same.