Organise a party for the girls in a new class

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DD (Year 3) has moved schools a couple of weeks ago. The reason was a much better school academically. She misses her closely-knit small group of friends with whom she has been since nursery.

She loves a new school, doesn't want to move back to the old one. She seems to be OK with finding new friends. I was thinking to organise a party (like mystery treasure hunt or little Bake off) and invite the girls from her class to give her more social opportunities to develop friendships.

However, my husband thinks that it would look strange and look very desperate. Her birthday party is not until summer. I know that the best way is to befriend the parents of the children and then invite for playdates but it doesn't seem to be that easy for a number of reasons, mostly different drop-offs and pick up times. I don't even know the names of the children in the class.

Any thoughts? Be as honest as you can!

YABU: Don't, it'll look desperate, DH is right.

YANBU: why not? lovely idea.

My DC received a paper invitation for a playdate from a child at school who didn't have phone numbers (I then added her to the WhatsApp). You could try that if it's difficult to catch parents to invite them?

I agree with this.

I agree it's a strange thing to do outside a birthday but it's interesting, if i were op's fellow school mum I wouldn't have realised it was a one-off because she's trying to create friendships.

I'd have assumed this was something she did several times a year, every year, and i would be baffled and maybe a bit judgy (sorry). It just seems like quite an extravagant and show-offy thing to do and might not give the good new impression you're hoping for.

Approaching parents with "hey do you want a playdate" seems far more understandable to me - your dd is new in the class.

"Hi, are you Rachel's mum? I'm Sarah's mum, she's new, she's mentioned she sits next to Rachel and they get on so well. We wondered if she'd like to come round next Friday for pizza"

Absolutely nothing weird or desperate about that, imo. Mum might want to come too, or not, either works

Halloween party and plenty of time to sort it

miniblondes caught me on the hop 😂 and asked and now I have 6 x 9yrs coming round Halloween for a party

and 2w to organise it

what swayed it for me /her is that this year it’s on a Saturday and then won’t be on a sat for 11yrs due to leap years and she will be 20 🙀🙀🙀

so yes invite for a Halloween party - a great way to meet and make friends

Also if there's a group chat, just be really open on there every weekend with what you're up to eg "hi everyone, just wanted to share they're doing a food fair in xyz this weekend, I'm taking Sarah there, would be so lovely to see any of you there if you're interested. [Share event link]" and with any luck you'll get a couple of responses "looks good, we will go too". Then you have a sort of playdate ready-made

She’s been there two weeks and she is good at making friends- you don’t need to do anything. Let it happen, she has her own skills.

She misses her old friends and I would make sure they can continue out of school. Showing your DD that you can have multiple friends from different ‘sources’ rather than you move school and burn your relationships down and start all over.

I think it’s a nice idea
why don’t you do gingerbread decorating or something for them all and invite them to a gingerbread party 🎉 that is always popular.

Another vote for having a Halloween party. It’s an ideal “excuse” to have a party at this time of year!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to help your DD create closer friendships. But I wouldn’t do a party because I think friendships blossom with some one-to-one time outside school. Why not ask your DD for the names of some girls she likes and then message the parents saying she has asked for a play date and suggesting some dates? Just round your house or a meet up in the park.

I actually don’t think the best way for your children to make friends involves mums befriending other parents either. I think it’s best to not interfere and leave them to it.

I think you’ve been unfair to move your child from the kids she’d been with for years for academic reasons when she’s in year 3. Even the wanting to make clear that she definitely didn’t have social problems all just makes you sound like v pushy mum.

Just do it, why not? You can say all the things you've said on here, not really had a chance to arrange any play dates so thought you would do a little party for all the girls. You might want to say no presents!

If the other school was not very academic and her child is, and she maybe wants to be doing 11+ in a few years why not move? When is a better time? Give your child the best start possible it doesn't make you a monster.

You could easily get away with a Halloween party or a bonfire party next month.

Thanks everyone for the opinion, really appreciated.
I've got myself on class whats up group this morning. I'll ask DD to suggest some playdates to the people she is talking to and see whether there is interest, and go from there. Will drop the idea of the party for now.

15 kids is a lot. Can't you just wait till she gets invited to someone else's party? Or I would ask who she is getting on with and invite a couple round on a weekend. If it helps the kids who joined our school in Yr3 became one of the most terffying popular girls - broke up a lot of long-established friendships along the way. Her Mum did it with playdates and I think joining a few of the afterschool activities.

I've been thinking about this long and hard. The previous school didn't work for my child, and on the whole it was not in her best interests to stay there longer as nothing would change. As an example, this is my previous topic https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/primary/5518285-year-2-child-spelling-phonetically-should-i-worry-or-relax , I raised the issue with school and still got "nothing to worry about, it's fine".

Now with a Y3 child and with experience I can tell for sure that schools are quite different, and the difference is clear if you know where to look at.
Also, different school styles work better for different children and different family values. In hindsight, my daughter, who loves to follow the rules and benefits from boundaries, routines and rules, would have benefitted from a school with focused and very clear offer from the very beginning.

Are you on the school Whatsapp group? Perhaps message on there about doing a general soft play/ park meet up - either in the half term holiday or for Halloween.

We’ve had a couple of kids start and the parents have either popped a note in bags, or messaged into the class WhatsApp. They’ve literally said “hi, we’re new, I’d love to help my kid (and myself) settle in - would anyone be up for a park date on x date / would anyone be keen for a play date to help us out?”

They’ve always gotten responses, and people go along. We’re also a small rural school.

I think it seems a bit strange unless it is a Halloween party. However can't you just ask in the class whatsapp whether a group is going out trick or treating and can she join (offer to be a supervising adult). A random party in November without a birthday feels a bit strange and the kids will be confused.