To ask how to respond to inevitable comments from MIL on holiday?

[AllAlongIHaveLaughedWithYou]

Shamelessly posted in aibu for traffic sorry! I don't think iabu but I have a question. I am going abroad with dh and in-laws at the weekend. Mil is lovely but shes bringing her sister - she is is generally a nice person and we get on ( as I am very tolerant! ) but she is if a generation who are obsessed with people's weight, she constantly goes on about people's weight and looks, diet, who has put weight on, who hasn't ( even people I don't know! ) and she will comment on peoples food and portions sizes every time they eat and makes patronising comments to fully grown adults like 'make sure you eat your veg'. I'm pregnant currently and everytime I see her all she goes on about is how hard she found it to lose her baby weight once hers were born over 40 years ago and I am feeling self conscious about a trip I should be looking forward to and probably my last before the baby - especially the all inclusive part! I am very small, it's not that she is triggering any actual insecurities I have but I don't feel very attractive at the moment, I've had really awful sickness and not taken much care of myself for a good few months, my skin is dry and my hair needs dying and I'm going to look rubbish. What do I actually do or say when MIL's sister makes these comments? She will likely say something to DH too who equally feels insecure to the extent he said he wouldn't go swimming around her! Any advice on what to say or how to enjoy the holiday anyway? I'm a bit annoyed MIL invited her tbh, but I guess it's her sister but I probably wouldn't have gone for these reasons if I'd known before hand.

My MIL is similar and when she started I got up and left her company, go to the toilet, get something from your room. Starve this chat of oxygen imo

This is brilliant 😂

'I'm pregnant and exhausted, and I don't want any more remarks about my appearance, thank you.'

return fire. ‘Oh my goodness did you not realise I’m pregnant? I thought everyone knew, sorry. I am sure you don’t want my baby malnourished.
the next day - Mary, I told you yesterday I’m pregnant, did you forget? Are you finding you forget things a lot? You should book a doctors appt
wow that was rude. Nobody has said anything horrible to you, why would you say that to dh?
I eat bread every chance I can get, like normal people. That’s why it’s a staple.
nobody ever achieved much fueled on lettuce, but if you’re ok with that it’s your decision. A bit more slow release carbs helps protect against dementia though. And dark chocolate and tuna. You should eat more of those.
Mary don’t you know not to comment on what a pregnant woman eats? I could be eating a peanut butter mayo tuna sandwich and I don’t want anyone else’s opinion. Not a word.
and you need to say to mil - I find her comments really upsetting. Dh and I are going out for lunch to have a break.

I think something along the lines of, "It's incredibly to rude to comment on what someone else is eating or make digs about certain foods others eat isn't it?" She'll be shocked to be called out and may get upset, but I wouldn't stand for it. The alternative is to completely ignore and not respond to those remarks. Make it a tumble weed moment.

"I couldn't eat all that food - I'm still stuffed from breakfast!"
"Cool story, Jan. ANYWAY..."

"Look at her - she shouldn't be wearing that bikini at her size..."
"Cool story, Jan. ANYWAY..."

"Aren't you worried you'll put weight on?"
"No. Can we talk about something interesting?"

I’d be so tempted to point out her own daughter has suffered because of her, but I guess it would go over her thick head

Nobody is forcing you to eat it.
I don't care.
Should cover most of her bollocks.

Pita, it's not just a bread, Doris.

What has her generation got to do with it?

When she makes a judgement disguised as a question, a useful response is to say "Why do you ask?"

Then she has to spell out her judgemental opinion.

At which point you can ask her "But how does my eating affect you?"

If she tries to defend herself just keep explaining that you are entitled to choose what to eat and it has no effect on her life.

If she's "only thinking of you" (I had a mother who claimed her criticisms were well-meaning ), the answer to that is a hard stare, and a clipped statement: No. You. Were. Not.

"It's annoying because I really won't relax this whole trip now and I was looking forward to it. It's not that I want anyone left out but MIL messaged me to say is it okay if she comes after it was booked and she must've known I can't say 'no she makes me feel insecure'. I get MIL was in a difficult position though. It's just a shame I'm not looking forward to it now."

YABU - you had the chance to say "actually MIL, your sister makes really mean/unkind comments to me and DH about our weight and eating habits and it will really ruin the holiday for us if she comes, so no, we're not okay with her coming".

You need to learn to stand up for yourself, otherwise, you'll spend your whole life being walked over and bullied. Put a stop to it, you can do this very politely as above. You like your MIL & have a good relationship with her, therefore, it shouldn't have been an issue raising your concerns with her about this. She'll likely be upset that her sister has ruined the holiday for you, and further upset that you said nothing before she booked her on when you had the chance.

Obviously her sister is a total cow, I'm not condoning her actions at all, it's just frustrating that you had the chance to speak up against her coming and you choose not to.

”that’s so old fashioned” is a great response.

@AllAlongIHaveLaughedWithYou just make it plain as soon as she starts “I’m on holiday and I find your constant comments on food very stressful, it can’t be good for me or the baby, I’m going to eat whatever I want so please keep those thoughts to yourself’. If she keeps on, tell her it makes you feel judged and you considered not coming and bow you wish you’d stayed at home. She needs to get the message!

What size is she?

Nailed it.

She's not a nice person if she's rude to people about their eating habits and weight. And she is. The only way to shut rude people up is by being forthright about their rudeness.

"look Linda, you might be self conscious about your fat arse, but I am fine with mine! Pass the bread"

She wont speak to you ever again.

I think you need to warn MIL that you don’t want to listen her sister’s comments about food and weight. Ideally your DH should deliver this message calmly but abruptly without talk about swimming etc . You don’t want to open a discussion should he go swimming or not, or don’t be ridiculous no one pay attention etc etc.. So keep the conversation simple.
The same with his aunt. He needs to put her into her place. First time tell her politely that you don’t want any comments and conversations about food and weight. Don’t explain why, she knows why she just want drama and attention. When she won’t stop after that (and she won’t) I would use @DozyCrow suggestion with asking : do you have problem with this ?
I wouldn’t go into mental health argument. Keep it simple : you don’t want diet / food choices talk. Full stop.
By the way if you don’t think DH would be able to do it calmly, shortly and consistently - do it yourself.
The next stage is to get up and move from the table. I would warn MIL and her sister that it would be the consequence and follow through. You have to, otherwise you won’t get results. The key is to do it calmly and in a way politely so you not give her any drama . When you left - she would have no one to have drama with.

Just tell her to be quiet or you'll eat her too.

I had an aunt once say to me "Do you know you have a double chin?" not long after my first child was born. I didn't, but I was a little fuller in the face, a bit of a softer jawline than before I nearly died giving birth, for sure.

My response was to look at her incredulously and say "Do you own a mirror? Do you know you've had a double chin for 40 years and I've never said anything?!" Yes, I really did say that. I don't do well with being attacked, and that sort of rudeness is, indeed, a verbal attack - however it is couched and regardless of the tone. She mumbled something about "oh not 40 years..." I mean she was right it was more like 20. My mum actually laughed (her sister).

I'll never understand why anyone puts up with cockwomble rudeness, it is just not in my nature, any more than it is to take a slap from someone. Slap me, you are getting slapped back.

I am always as nice as pie, genuinely pleasant, to those around me, good natured and polite and I don't take offence if I feel someone just slipped up or didn't mean to be offensive. But when someone is being deliberately rude, as your aunt is - no. No. There's no need to put up with that nonsense.

Sweets to the sweet, cunt to the cunty works very well for me. Of course, you do have to have a good firm grip on your own self worth and no interest in being a doormat to "keep the peace" for this to work. And keep the peace always means other people's peace, of course, not your own.

Play v v obvious ‘diet comment bingo’. Take a paper and cross the squares off as she comes out with her favourites.

And snigger every time

And be straight with your MIL that sis won’t be allowed near you or your baby post birth, when she will delight about warning you about baby weight even if you haven’t put any on, and will probably comment on baby’s weight too.

“Maureen, do stop talking about people’s sizes, bodies and weight. It’s boring and unkind.”

If she doesn’t, then get up and walk away. Every single time.

She is a rude woman so needs a dose
of her own medicine.

Oh fucking hell, you have my sympathy. Your MIL sister sounds like my lovely Nan who is obsessed with weight. Particularly mine. Christmas day last year went like this:

Nan walks in the house: Have you put on much weight yet this Christmas?
(Erm, Merry Christmas to you too Nan)
Will you start dieting in January?
Do you find it easy to lose weight on a diet?
Do you eat a lot of treats over Christmas? Will you eat all of that? I don't eat a lot see, I only like to nibble (whilst she is destroying a full works Christmas dinner with 2 kinds of meat and then 2 portions of dessert. She also stuffs herself with cake and biscuits but thinks that nobody knows).

Before the first sprout is in my mouth she will say "Are you having dessert or are you going to be good?".

Tell your MIL sister that you're pregnant, on holiday and mind her own bloody business.