Sigh…..co parenting

[Nightninjj]

I’ll try and make this short as possible. Ex has children every other weekend and every other Monday. We spoke yesterday regarding the approaching school holidays and as it is his Monday he should have the kids from Monday morning, however, his plan is to pick them up Monday night and drop them Tuesday morning as he just wants that overnight stay.

his house is a 40 minute drive away, the whole thing seems absolutely pointless.

I can guarantee if I said I wouldn’t change the claim he would be all for it.

I’m happy to not change it but haven’t told him yet.

He is only doing it so that he doesn’t have to pay me more money.

No, the overnight stay to me is pointless but he won’t agree to it as he may have to pay me more money….

I’m presuming OP means he only has them on the Monday to get the number of ‘nights’ a year he has them into the next band for the CMS claim.

OP, I know easier said than done but I’d just tell him that that doesn’t work for you, if he can’t have them from Monday morning in the school holidays then he won’t be having them the extra nights he wants

I don't understand... Surely his every other Monday is joined to his every other weekend? So why would he need to pick them up on the Monday?

I read it as he has them for the weekend one week and then the Monday the following week

No it isn’t, he sees them the Monday on the week he doesn’t seem them.sorry if I am
not explain myself very well

He's doing this presumably because he doesn't want to have to take a day off work to look k after them.

So he can either have them for the day or sort and pay for childcare. But tell him you're not available.

He said he is happy to drop them at a club as I am working too but I have to pay?

Sorry if I missed this but, how old are the kids? And do you have work the next day?

No I don’t want to change it I just think on his day it should be his day from the morning. Not at night when I have done all the hard work anyway and for him to just drop them off in the morning. Makes no sense…

I work on a Monday and Tuesday yes. So he has them one weekend and the following week the Monday overnight so that he doesn’t go 2 weeks without seeing them (my idea must I add)

Tell him he doesn’t have to pay you more money then. It’s for the benefit of your kids after all. He’s an idiot but there’s no point charging him by the hour

NOPE. His day, he pays.
You get child maintenance because you have them more. That amount is reduced on the nights he has them precisely because he's responsible for costs on those days. That includes childcare. His problem to solve.

I said this, he said no his day starts from 4pm until 9am the next morning (obviously because they have school)

I don’t know what different it makes as he is happy to pay for ASC on his Monday but not a holiday club in the holidays?

The thing is I know he will agree to it then and it hurts because then I will know he actually isn’t arsed.

He's wrong and the fact that he pays for ASC shows that Monday is his day

All you can do is keep explaining it to him but I appreciate while we all know he's wrong, in the real world it's hard because shirt of dropping them on his doorstep before he leaves for work, what can you do?

But you shouldn't be expected to pay for childcare on his day. That's why child maintenance is reduced for those days.

That said I'd be tempted not to hand them over for the night if he doesn't cover the day.

Is there a court order in place? Or is this a recent thing so it hasn't come up before?

Ah, I think I understand. Usually he drops them straight at school and he wants to maintain that sort of schedule because of his work? You are concerned he's taking "number of nights" literally where CMS is concerned and he's more interested in preserving his shared care band than actually seeing the kids.

Since your working days are set at Monday-Tuesday, an overnight on Mondays works well for you in termtime because on one of those days you don't have to juggle the school run on top of everything else. But, you've probably just front-loaded the stress into the night before anyway, since doubtless you're the one to have to make sure they're school-ready for Tuesday.

Therefore, I surmise this only creates stress for you. Childcare, school prep, handovers, contact on school nights. I'd say that Mondays are barely worth it anyway, and now he's making it even harder during half term.

"Too disruptive for the children and too upsetting for them that we can't agree on their schedule; propose no more Mondays at all and extended time with you during all school holidays where you are responsible for childcare. Happy to get it ratified by family court" < That's a much more normal arrangement anyway ime.