Son hates supply teacher, battle to get him in to school

[leandra5]

ND 7yo. Loves his teacher but severely dislikes his other teacher he has 1 day a week. I've never met her. He's never had a problem going to school but he seems to have got in his head that this teacher picks on him. Says she hates him etc. Getting him to school on the 1 day a week where she is teaching is a nightmare. Tears, clinging on to the car door, says he would rather die. Very out of character. Never had a problem getting him to school so am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this? Is is worth speaking to the school not to accuse but to raise the issues we are having? We are always late on this day as he goes to sleep crying the night before and I have no idea what to do.

Has he said anything specific about what she’s said/done?

I'd ask to speak to the senco or the head and ask if he can go to another classroom on those days as while you're sure it's probably just a different teaching style etc, your son is terrified and you want him to feel comfortable going back into school, so we need to work out what is going on and find a solution.

Teachers will be used to this

Said he doesn't know her name as he asked her and she said he should remember so refused to tell him. Said she blames him for things other kids have done. She shouts at him more than anyone else and her voice scares him etc.

I'd mention it to his class teacher first.

I have seen this happen. Sometimes it's valid; sometimes it's just a different approach. It's hard covering a class for one day a week. Its harder to build relationships with the children and remember all the little details from one week to the next. Children are often less well behaved for supply staff/a teacher they only see once a week and feel a huge loyalty to their class teacher. Sometimes just not being Miss WhoISeeForTheOtherFourDays is enough.

It might also be that she isn't consciously 'picking on' him but that his is the name she remembers so when talking to a group fo children, he's the one she addresses. It could be that she is finding it hard to maange the class generally. There could be any number of reasons.

As the class teacher, I'd want to know about this though. Its quite an extreme reaction on his part.

I hope you get it sorted.

Ask school for a meeting between you, the teacher and possibly the family support worker to see if this can be sorted out?

Why does he have a supply teacher one day a week? Supply is usually if the teacher is absent. I am a teacher, I would contact the school in a non-accusatory way and see if they can help get to the bottom of it.

My son was the same when he was about that age, had a teacher one day a week who was very loud and shouty compared to his usual teacher and was upset going in. I explained the situation to the DHT who ask the teacher to tone it down a bit, I wasn't the only one who had said similar.

Whilst accepting that his complaint may well be valid, I would like to offer the possible other side to this as a teacher. We - as a cohort - are increasingly getting complaints of being ‘picked on’. In my case, I told a girl to ‘point your toes Emily’ in a perfectly pleasant voice that I’ve used for two decades. She started crying and shouting ‘why am I being the only one being told off.’ Teaching, and correcting, is literally the purpose of my role.
so I disagree with the above poster about insisting on a change of teacher, without honing down on what he means by picked on. You have heard his side of the name example, would hers be that she told him multiple times what her name was, he didnt listen to any of them, so she tried a different tack.
if it’s his name that is constantly being called, what is it that he is doing to result in that?

If you were a teacher you would know that the class teacher would have ppa time every week and if she is an ect she will need cover for that too.
Very weird that a 7 year old claims not to know the name of his teacher

In my supply teacher past, i had a lovely job covering every Friday in the same class because the teacher was part of the management team so had her 0.1 PPA time plus 0.1 management time.

Either that or the class teacher is 0.8 FTE and the 7 year old doesn't understand how staffing works.

If he's ND, he may need direct explanation that this is routine every week for the rest of the year. She isn't a "supply" or "cover" teacher; she is the Friday teacher and a fixed part of their class.

But it wouldn’t be a supply teacher, it would be another member of staff, unless they hadn’t managed to employ someone in that position yet

Id ask his friends what they think of the reach to get an idea of the classroom situation. Just in the playground casually, oh is it miss A or Miss B today? I've never met miss b, what's she like?

At 7 they'll talk your ear off, if they all declare her mean and shouty then you'll know she's probably just a bit stricter, they might all say she's lovely, or that she's picking on your DS. Obvs be aware these are opinions from children but still adds to the picture.

It's also still early in the year so once a week is only 5 lessons so I'd give it more time and not make a fuss, just send him in.

The ops used the wrong phrase, its job share or part time teacher

Very weird that a 7 year old claims not to know the name of his teacher

this is actually a really valid point. She has taught him multiple times, you will definitely have talked to him about her, and the kids do to each other too. So it’s unusual that he doesn’t know her name. That is either a memory issue which would require input I would have thought, or he did it deliberately.

To be fair if he doesnt know her name 5 or so weeks into term, the teacher can be forgiven for thinking he is taking the piss!

Yes but that wouldn't usually be covered by a supply teacher.

I don't think it's 'weird' for him not to remember her name. Some children/people aren't good with names, if he asked her politely she should remind him of her name, very immature to refuse to tell him.

I remember having a teacher at primary school at a similar age that I was frightened of. I felt like she got annoyed at me all the time and used sarcastic responses.
I remember her accusing me of picking my nose in front of the whole class at circle time and the shame I felt. She didn't like that I wasn't good at netball and I ended up just feeling like I couldn't work out what it was I was supposed to do to make her pleased with me.
One day I remember we were told we were going to have our trays inspected and I was in a state because I had been playing 'wombles' with another kid and I had put rubbish I'd collected in my tray instead of the bin, and I thought I was going to be in trouble or laughed at.
My mum came in with me early to help me clear my tray but she hadn't realised before then how scared I was.
She had a meeting with the headmistress and I can't remember what happened, but I think I went into a different class after that.

I still remember it so well even though it was well over 40yrs ago.
I am glad my mum stood up for me.

Some schools do use long term supply for whole day cover (various reasons).It’s not ideal, but it isn’t unusual. It’s best practice at primary to refer to them as [Name] Your Friday Teacher however. Children shouldn’t be referring to them as ‘the supply’.
@leandra5 I would speak to the class teacher in the first instance and tell them the issues your DS is having on that particular day. It may be a problem with the transition between teachers, the subjects that are being covered (might be non core curriculum ones that he finds difficult to access, for instance), the teaching style. If what he says is true - and we always take what the child says at face value to begin with- then she does sound impatient and old fashioned. Even if he is deliberately playing up for her and ‘forgetting’ her name then that shows a teacher/child relationship breakdown that can be put right. If that occurred in my class I would write my name on the board and move on. I’ve been called many names of other staff during cover and it’s rarely deliberate on the part of the child.
If there is an issue with the professional approach by this teacher then the class teacher needs to know. There have been issues with supply staff but we can’t act on it unless we are aware.

If she is only in one day a week, she will need to be a lot stricter than the other teacher because the kids will not behave as well for her.

I’d disagree with that. There should be a robust Behaviour Policy that all staff are thoroughly aware of. Consistently and fairly applied. Yes, a new cover person might find a class a bit fizzy at first (it’s as if they think we don’t talk to each other, ever ) but by week 7, if a teacher is having to refuse to answer a question about their name and raising their voice then something’s gone wrong somewhere.

Harsh comments re not remembering a teacher’s name. Week 7 and I have ND students coming to me with their full time staff and they are still not secure on names. If she really said ‘he should remember’ she sounds pretty stressed and a meeting with the Year Head sounds a good idea.

I had kids in Y6 mock SATs that couldn't spell their own names, so I don't think him not remembering the teachers name is a massive issue.

In primary schools there really arent any meaningful sanctions in the behaviour policy that the kid cares about. If it is Friday afternoon there is no breaktime left to lose time fro.. The way behaviour is maintained is by the relationship they have with the child. In one day a week it really isnt the same

I can assure you teachers are not used to requests for children to attend another class one day a week as they are scared of the teacher. This would be an unusual way of handling things!

Go and talk to the other teacher OP, maybe they can chat to your son and find out why he’s scared and either reassure him or talk to the other teacher. If he has legitimate reason to be scared of her I doubt he’s the only one. Or maybe it’s something quite simple and a misunderstanding and the scary teacher needs to reassure your son that he is allowed to do X and won’t be in trouble or something.

I appreciate that may be your experience but it’s not mine, in several schools. Behaviour expectations don’t go out the window on a Friday afternoon. I wouldn’t like to work in a school where that happens tbh. Must be chaos!

Not telling him her name again does sound an arsehole thing to do. I'd bring it up with your son's other teacher. I think there might be more than just different teaching styles, if you've received no other complaints/comments about your son.