Is it unreasonable to never want a relationship again?

[Davegrohlsnewwife]

I don't know if this is a common theme on here as I don't visit a lot, but I am absolutely done with the idea of relationships. I am late 40's, slightly chubby but not awful looking. I am reasonably intelligent and do have a sense of humour. But increasingly I cannot be arsed with men. I have male friends and family, and that's great - but I even find myself feeling for their partners. There's the weaponised incompetence, unreasonable expectations of looks and weight, lack of understanding of menopause, leaving women to do everything in the home, look after kids, have a career and carry the mental load etc etc.

My family worry about me growing old on my own, but I have a great group of single friends, and we all look out for each other. I have been so let down in the past, and I know that's down to my choice in men, but they never started out awful, just that over time their true colours came out. Twenty odd years ago we weren't as aware of what red flags were - well at least I wasn't.

I've reached an age where I have older kids now, I have done the working shit jobs to pay the rent, and struggled my way through, I just want an easy life now. Prospective men tend to seem quite entitled and their idea of a "joke" is to put you down somehow. They have ongoing drama with exes, overbearing mils, kids they seem to begrudge supporting, and an inability to actually make any decent time for you. I watch some of my friends experiences of dating, and I wonder why they are bothering.

I know there are some decent blokes out there, but they are rare like unicorn pooh, and I don't hate men, I know lots of lovely fellas, but they're either married or related.

I love my independence, but I get annoyed when I get the sad head tilt from people when they hear I am single, like the only goal worth having is a man. I'm not looking or entertaining any idea of a relationship, but a lot of people I know think I'm weird or a closet lesbian. I just want my pj's on by 7pm and to watch crime documentaries to my hearts content. Is this being unreasonable?

Please stop being so bothered by what other people think and enjoy your well earned peace!

I’m married and recognise a lot What you describe, weaponised incompetence, in-law drama, mental load etc etc and spend a lot of time wishing I was single and could do whatever the hell I wanted! Enjoy it, OP! And the people who tilt their heads in “sympathy” are actually probably just jealous!

Pyjamas and crime documentaries!!!! Me too !!! Let's get married 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m the same. Very happy single and simply cannot be bothered with men.

I'm not sure if i'm the right person to comment as i am in a relationship and we have been together over 30 years, but i am absolutely sure that if we were to end in whatever way that i will never have another relationship.
I am with him because i want to be with him but i know i can manage on my own if it came to it.
I like my own company , will never be dictated to and won't take any kind of shit from a man.
There is a great big world out there to enjoy and i can't see how needing to be in a relationship has any bearing on it.
Do your own thing and enjoy yourself ,pay no attention to negative comments and view points, no one can tell you how to live your life.

YANBU, I can’t imagine wanting another relationship. Deeply scarred from the last one, and frankly, I’m too busy

good for you. I think it’s brilliant that so many women are now just totally unwilling to tolerate a shit relationship for the sake of being in one.

You are absolutely NOT BU. There’s no way I will ever share my home / bed with a man again. My house is an oasis of calm, my life isn’t stressful, and I have a king size bed which is only big enough for me and the cat and all my cushions. Sorry guys!

My friends and I joke about becoming the Golden Girls in later life - but I think it's a real possibility! PJ party every night! 🤣

Me too - we'll be a throuple! 🤗

I’m happily married but being single is clearly just as valid a choice.

Absolutely not! Should anything ever happen to my dp I won't pursue another relationship. I can only imagine it added difficult dynamics and effort I don't want to make. I'd rather get another cat.

Absolutely not unreasonable in the slightest.

It's never been a life upgrade for me, just misery and nonsense to deal with. Shit sex because of their porn-addled brains, controlling behaviour, lying, cheating... It's always, always a decline in general life satisfaction. And less time to spend doing all the things I love that make me happy.

I wish I'd reached this conclusion years ago!

Enjoy your crime documentaries. I'm staying up late this evening making artwork. This was one of my many 'red flags' according to my ex (staying up late doing things I love - art, reading). I hope he's not found some poor other soul to inflict his limp dick and controlling ways on.

You don’t have to stay single for that. — my female friends and I are realistic about being likely to outlive husbands and male partners, and have some communicable living plans.

If you don't want a relationship, that's absolutely fine. Good for you if you are happy by yourself.

It's a bit of a generalisation to tar all men with the same brush though. I wouldn't say I would never have a relationship again (if I were single). There are plenty of decent men out there, but I am also very happy on my own, so if I were dating someone who was guilty of the things you listed, e.g. weaponised incompetence and expected me to do everything, I can assure you they wouldn't last very long.

I don't want to live with anyone though. Not because all men are bad, they aren't, I just don't think at my age (50), I can be bothered to deal with someone else and all their worldly goods in my space. But there is no rule saying I have to live with someone. My partner and I live separately still 8 years down the line, and we have the best of both worlds. Absolutely no plans to change that!

YADNBU OP.
If I want another needy creature that wants looking after I’ll get another dog.
Men are neither use nor ornament.
Peace, pyjamas and exclusive remote control ownership are not worth risking.

I find that the women who say that to me are in relationships that I wouldn’t even entertain staying in. So their opinions don’t matter.
However my lovely, happy, single friends living good lives that do involve PJ’s and boxsets would never say that.
Preserve your peace, it’s priceless.

Definitely not unreasonable. And if one of the rare decent ones shows up, it’s the perfect mindset in which to approach it. The head tilters are just projecting their own fears - it’s nothing to do with you, your life sounds great.

Oh gosh, that sounds like I would bump them off 😂 By "they wouldn't last long", I mean I would end the relationship!!

Well. You wouldn’t get a “sad head tilt” from me. I’m married. I would rather shit in my hands and clap, then ever do it again. All my married female friends feel exactly the same way. Even the very happy ones! Universally, for good or bad, once was enough!

I'm 52, divorced once and going through an horrific second divorce after 17 years married. I've an adult DS to my first husband who still lives at home. I finally feel peace with being single, learning how to be "me" again and a relationship is the absolute last thing on my mind. I'm lucky that I have some amazing friends who have been a massive support and a loyal dog who's always by my side. It actually feels liberating to feel confident and in control of my own life. I worked out that I've been in a relationship for 32 years of my life...and I can quite honestly say I'm happy to remain single for the rest of it!

YANBU. I am young, married and happy… but I’ve said for years that I will never have another relationship should this one end somehow. I stand by that.

ETA: I have little social life though so might need to actually make some friends if I am not going to be awfully lonely.

YANBU, OP! Independence is underrated by most people, who believe that the key to happiness is conformity to the social norm. Your happiness is your concern, not theirs, and don't let them dampen your fabulousness!

Disclaimer: I am a weird but cheerfully single person, and I'm absolutely fine with that.

I've had 3 good ish relationships with men. I don't hate men at all and I have 2 adults male sons.

I'm 53, and I dont want a relationship with men. Just dont want it.

Ask if they’re in a relationship, and when they say yes do the sad head tilt and gentle ‘awww’ back to them.