Maybe it's a bit cliche but hey ho.
New job, met a bloke, fell in love.
We kissed on a works do (out of the blue really, we both just went for it) and since then we got closer, agreed we both enjoyed it, met up more often and got to know each other very intimately. This was about half a year after I got the job, so we weren't total strangers, just work acquaintances until the kiss.
He confided in some very dark events in his childhood which he has struggled with since, and is in therapy and medicated for. He knows I champion mental health and support him fully.
Started sending nudes to each other, then sleeping together. He'd pat my arse from time to time, we'd snuggle and kiss. We said we loved each other.
Then, the day before he goes on holiday for a week, he says he needs to take a step back and he doesn't see things working. I react as well as you'd imagine, then he's gone for a week. He comes back and says he regrets what he said and "part of him" wants to try again, but because of his past he doesn't want a proper relationship (yet). And the same day he came back and I was dreading what was going to happen, he showed me a pic of him in sexy wear on the phone. It sent a very confusing message.
Anyway three months later I sat him down and said "If it's a definite no, tell me right now" He hesitated and said it was not a definite no, and he "can't deny his feelings for me" but that his past trauma is blocking him from making a proper decision.
I am completely in love with him. To a hopeless degree. I would do anything for him. He seems oblivious to how much I feel for him. My heart flutters every time he enters the office in the morning. It hurts.
Am I being selfish?
I am one thousand percent certain there isn't another love interest behind the curtain.