Things escalated into fighting over homework

[Gee4174]

I already feel crap so please all the judgey comments don’t need them as I know it was wrong and I know it won’t happen again.

9 year old son is very bright but lazy. He gets a lot of homework as he goes to a prep school and we manage to get it done in the week but the weekend homework which he gets on Thursday be returned on Monday is the problem. He doesn’t want to do it and starts crying so I say okay we will do tomorrow then it comes to Sunday and we have no choice but to do it then. I find it really frustrating as if he sat down it’s literally 20-30 minutes no more but he drags it on from morning till evening. I try to be patient and I always am except for today.

He does the same again and starts having his tantrum. DH starts shouting that he should have done it yesterday or Friday and not left it till today. We are getting late for his swimming class and DD is crying due to all the noise and everyone is screaming and shouting and I just lost it and threw the breakfast plates in sink out of frustration not because I wanted to. They broke which made DD aged 11 cry more as I didn’t realise her favourite plate broke. Everything just escalated with DH calling me a crazy bitch. I then shouted and swore at him. DS then seemed to calm down and WANTS to do his homework!

I sit down with him to help him but DD is crying and DH is screaming and I lose it again and tell him he could once in a while actually help me.

I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. Of course I’m not going to do anything it’s how I feel. I’m fed up with my life. I’m fed up of the kids always bickering and I’m fed Up of getting DS to fo his homework. I just want to divorce DH as I really don’t like him. Anytime he can see I’m overwhelmed rather than calming the situation he adds to it, he does zero parenting it’s all on me the housework, childcare, clubs plus I work just as many hours as him

Wait so if there isnt a consequence for him why do the homework?

Ignore the email for your peace of mind, divorce husband

Is it a swimming lesson?
Just arrive 30 mins early, and he can do his homework there. Or arrive early for another weekend club? He’s far less likely to have a tantrum in public - and if he does, ask him if he really wants to embarrass himself like this there!!

Homework is done, no/ less fighting, you won’t get told off by his teachers….

You definitely have a husband problem, that I think only a divorce will fix.

I feel your pain re homework. My son is year 8 so high school. However he is a very much carrot and stick child. He’s allowed a McDonald’s on a Sunday but ONLY if all home work is done. I stick to it and hence it’s a motivator. I would suggest find something ti bargain with. Don’t back down and within a few weeks it will be the norm to have it completed ready for the school week

@Gee4174 you mentioned DS will do his homework during the week okay but not the Thursday homework that is due in on Monday. Basically he won’t do it unless it’s due in immediately and he doesn’t want to do it over the weekend. So, I suggest you speak to his teacher letting her know the situation you are in with regards to the homework and ask if your DS could hand it in on Tuesday morning instead. Hopefully she’ll agree and you explain that you’ve organised an extension specifically to fit round him doing his work on Monday night instead of over the weekend. Any problems then you’ll arrange with the teacher to go back to the original due date. His call!

As for your H. Yes, divorce him. Dickhead!

How much homework is it? Hours, or 20-30 mins? If it's the first, and he is year 4, then I wouldn't be doing anything which I didn't actually feel is helpful. Recapping the weeks work - yes. Busy work for the sake of it, nope. By years 5 and 6 they need to get used to doing a bit of homework, so in habit by secondary.

I have same - a very bright but bit lazy daughter, homework was a battle as she didn't see the point. But 11+ prep she was good with a saw a target to aim at. Does he need to prep for secondary entrance tests?

Thus is far to much homework for a 9 year old. A very good reason why I would never send such a young child to prep school

Homework is not worth ruining the whole weekend.
if he's ok about doing homework with a looming deadline, then why can't he do it on Sunday evening?

Or, better still, ask him to choose the time he plans to do it. Remind him gently when it gets to that time. No other reminders. If school want to send you snotty letters, then let them.