Things escalated into fighting over homework

[Gee4174]

I already feel crap so please all the judgey comments don’t need them as I know it was wrong and I know it won’t happen again.

9 year old son is very bright but lazy. He gets a lot of homework as he goes to a prep school and we manage to get it done in the week but the weekend homework which he gets on Thursday be returned on Monday is the problem. He doesn’t want to do it and starts crying so I say okay we will do tomorrow then it comes to Sunday and we have no choice but to do it then. I find it really frustrating as if he sat down it’s literally 20-30 minutes no more but he drags it on from morning till evening. I try to be patient and I always am except for today.

He does the same again and starts having his tantrum. DH starts shouting that he should have done it yesterday or Friday and not left it till today. We are getting late for his swimming class and DD is crying due to all the noise and everyone is screaming and shouting and I just lost it and threw the breakfast plates in sink out of frustration not because I wanted to. They broke which made DD aged 11 cry more as I didn’t realise her favourite plate broke. Everything just escalated with DH calling me a crazy bitch. I then shouted and swore at him. DS then seemed to calm down and WANTS to do his homework!

I sit down with him to help him but DD is crying and DH is screaming and I lose it again and tell him he could once in a while actually help me.

I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. Of course I’m not going to do anything it’s how I feel. I’m fed up with my life. I’m fed up of the kids always bickering and I’m fed Up of getting DS to fo his homework. I just want to divorce DH as I really don’t like him. Anytime he can see I’m overwhelmed rather than calming the situation he adds to it, he does zero parenting it’s all on me the housework, childcare, clubs plus I work just as many hours as him

He’s now giving me and the kids silent treatment. I got them to do their homework, went to swimming and now we have chilling time in front of tv. DH has told me not to speak to him for the rest of the day. He also said he never talks to me but I want to always talk to him.

Well he’s right, your son should have done it Thursday. What’s the household dynamics like-do you both work the same amount?
you both need to get tougher and stop letting your son run the show. Tantrums at his age are ridiculous too.

Well of course I know he should have done it last week. I tried! I really did. DH doesn’t ever try to help it’s on me to do everything. It was a choice between getting dinner on and getting things ready for Friday or getting Ds To do homework. No one helps me it’s all down to me

At 9 he needs a boundary of do it now unless you trust him to not be a twat about it later.

However you have an utterly fucked up dynamic with your husband so I suggest ducks in a row and get him out. You'll all be happier.

No advice just a big hug.

I’m amazed at the first responses on this thread. Your husband and your behaviour is unhinged. It’s not about homework. Jesus.

What happens if he doesnt do it? Let that happen a few times.

I get an email from the teacher stating the obvious and a huge explanation of why homework is important etc etc. so in other words I get a telling off but DS gets nothing said to him

Ok, so he doesn't do the homework and faces the consequences?

Your son is likely not lazy but a 9 yr old boy whose life should be about far more than a stream of homework and classes.
Your husband sounds a massive dick. Rather than helping, doing homework with your son on Thursday or Friday he chooses to shout and create about it instead of doing something productive. The whole setup sounds toxic as shit. You losing the plot and breaking dishes is disproportionate.

Your son then deciding to do his homework is about him feeling responsible for the blowout, and at 9 that’s a horrible place to be.

Leave if you can and want to leave, but if it’s not going to be an immediate thing to do find a different approach to tackle homework, cut down on clubs and classes. Stop allowing your children to witness you and your husband’s frustration over your own choices.

A big hug for shouting and swearing, losing her temper, throwing plates into the sink and breaking her daughters favourite bowl and making her kids cry.

Yeah okay.

OP this is bonkers behavior from both yourself and your DH. It sounds like you hate each other but this behaviour in front of your kids, making them cry and scaring your son into doing his homework (which seems like what has happened here) is not acceptable.

You need to end this toxic situation, get your ducks in a row and split up.

Homework isn’t important at age 9, I’m fairly sure that’s been established by now. Homework in primary school children is usually about parental expectations.

Read the post

Omg, just listen to yourself!

I

You sound super stressed and it's understandable when your husband doesn't do fuck all at home and expect you to do everything.
Do you work outside the home?

I guess the problem with telling your son he can do it later he thinks everything is going to be a negotiation and he pushes you hard enough then he gets away with not having to do the thing.

But this isn't really about the homework
It is about how unhappy you are with the burden of everything being on you

Agree it’s bonkers - but the broken favourite plate etc. is all a nonsense.

your husband sounds like a dick. Offer him the opportunity to do homework on Thursday and Saturday.calmly. Then let him face the consequences of not doing it without it being a dominating factor of your weekend.

I did this with one of mine, they were furious but I calmly stated at parents night that I had enough things to row with my kids about without having to enforce their work.

if he’s anything like mine he’ll toe the line. It’s not my homework - it’s his. Let him do it / not do it. Also’is prep the right place for a kid who’s not arsed?’

your husband sounds like an embarrassment of a man - would rather hide from his responsibilities than back his wife. Do you need him? This will only get worse…

Your husband's behaviour is ridiculous. Yours wasn't much better today but I guess you were feeling pushed to the brink. Still not good, but you know that, and many of us have been there when the kids (and the unhelpful husband) are pushing all of your buttons.

I'd be stepping right back from the homework issue, especially with a 9 year old. I think a stream of homework for children that age is ridiculous and would want to ask the school to stop setting so much. He needs to be allowed to be a child still and any school that doesn't allow for that is being ridiculous, state or private.

I see you talk about prep school so I assume it is private. Not sure how much leverage that will give you but I would try.

Your poor children.

…then don’t do it, and don’t turn it into a fight. He’ll learn the natural consequences of not doing his homework at school.

I don’t think a primary school children should have homework anyway.

I also send you a big hug OP.

It's not perfect parenting but it does no harm for kids to see that parents reach their limits. I mean, you don't want to be reaching breaking point like this every day, but hell we're all human.

Ignore the idiots on here telling you what an ogre you are. Apologise to your kids, and explain homework will how be completed by Fri evening, non negotiable. If DS won't do it then don't make him. Let the teachers sort it out, tell them you can't. He's bright. He'll be ok.

Is it possible to do something fun together on Fri evening - family movie night, or something like that? A kind of reward at the end of the week (and for homework well done).

Don't throw your marriage down the toilet just yet. Try and speak to DH. You both need to get a grip on responsibilities, and homework is the least of them, I'm thinking.

Give DS 1 hour in his bedroom on Thursday to do the home work. If he doesn't do it, tough, he faces the consequences at school.

Does he like his school? You can tell him if he doesn't want to engage then he can go to the local school.

It sounds like a horribly volatile household. Homework at that age is ridiculous anyway. The shouting, screaming, throwing things, these are the things your children will remember as their childhoods.

Homework not done, no swimming. Simple.

Ah just feel so sorry for primary school kids that have to do homework. Of zero benefit to them. Just a painful trudging thing to do and now he feels guilty it's caused an argument.

Does he like the school otherwise? I'd be tempted to look elsewhere if he's not enjoying it. Most places have very good state schools at primary, i always asked about homework when looking round to check it wasn't much of a thing.

But DH is definitely your issue, he should never be calling you names let alone in front of the kids.

But there isn’t a consequence. Op just gets a lecture from school and nothing gets said to DS.