To think DS and I are not in the wrong? Will related…

[IfIHadAHeart]

A relative of my exH died recently and has left a fairly substantial inheritance to my DCs. This has some as a complete surprise. One of my DCs is over 18 but the other is not.

The relative has not left anything to my DCs cousin. No idea why, or whether the will might even predate the cousin’s birth. If so, there were still many years in which to update the will if the relative had wanted to, and they were of sound mind throughout.

exMIL believes my DC should split their inheritance with the cousin. She believes my eldest DC should give the majority of their share to the cousin upon receiving the money, and that my youngest DC should then top up eldest when they turn 18 and can access the funds.

Eldest DC has said no, with my backing. I’m now getting rather unpleasant messages from my exH, MIL and SIL (parent of the excluded cousin) about the unfairness of it all and that my DC are selfish.

AIBU to support eldest DC to stand their ground?

i would advise them not to give any away and just let the grandparents redress the balance in their will

makes sense

The number of people on this thread who think they are entitled to ask and get given other people's money is actually insane.

Just say no and if they won't hear no, block them all.

You could be held liable down the line for the funds if you were to give them to someone else. Don't do it. If they are so desperate for the 'cousin' to have money, they can get together and come up with a sum for said cousin out of their own assets. They cannot legally take your children's inherited assets or force you to hand them over.

If the intention was to divide between the living children, and they never got round to updating that/it was one of those cheap home written things that doesn't point out you need to mention future unborns, then the deceased wishes aren't being respected.

Don't call people unpleasant because you don't agree with them.

So is it the father of this cousin who grabbed you by the throat in a pub and pinned you to a wall? This puts a slightly different complexion on 'reasonableness' if so!

OP says her two children helped out and visited the relative. Of course they couldn't have done this at the age of two. So if cousin is the youngest of the three children and the help OP’s children gave is a factor then it suggests that the will was written after the cousin was born. So the omission would have been intentional. Either way MiL has no right to question why.

You aren’t in the wrong and neither are your children.

I can see why you divorced your ex-husband. He sounds bonkers and so do most of his wider family. I wouldn’t get involved in this or start re-distributing the money, time to block them all

Yes. OP clarified upthread she has no issue with the SiL, as it was cousin’s father who assaulted her.

Your DS is an adult so totally up to him. But a really shitty thing for the deceased to do - unless the whole purpose was to create a big ho-ha.
My MIL has done similar, left nearly all her considerable assets to her youngest and token amounts to her other kids. I can’t help but think the point is to be creating drama beyond the grave, although the youngest has told his siblings what she’s done so its created quite an atmosphere already…

Well, yeah that's the point.

If it's written when the kids are 2 then they weren't included for their "helping out" were they.

If it was written after the cousin was born, then that's different context.

Perhaps the MiL should ask the charity to give up some of their share…

[tongue firmly in cheek]

Honestly, having read how hideously you have been treated by your ex-DH and his family, I'm pretty sure that the inheritance for your children is a deliberate message to show their support and solidarity for you and your children. Despite the terrible ways you have been treated by your ex husband and his family, you have raised two kind and generous children who voluntarily helped their deceased relative and spent time with them, which they obviously really appreciated.

Continue to advise your DC - they should not be "punished" for the wishes of a relative. If the cousin's family feel that strongly, let them contest it legally, which they won't do as they won't have a leg to stand on.
Continue to ignore messages.

He is, yes.

I have no reason to think the deceased was aware of this incident, though.

Yanbu. Even if you agreed to split it, why the heck should yours have to wait for their full share whilst cousin gets theirs immediately? CF

Yeah !! If the relative has passed some days ago, going on personal experience l’m surprised the charity aren’t breaking the door down to get at the money !!

They do - we always advise them to anyway. Not to any statement in the will; as this will become public, but to leave a letter with the will explaining reasons why things have/have not been done. This helps in the event of claims etc.

My only concern on your part, or the part of your DC, is the nutter relative - how likely is he to pose a threat to you or them, and is there any value in essentially buying him off by giving 1/3 of older DCs pot now and 1/3 of younger DC’s when it arrives. That does feel like letting a bully win but if it buys peace of mind and safety, it might be worth it.

Either way it’s not a reason to question the will if the relative was of sound mind when they made it. Given OP’s description of the horrendous treatment she’s received at the hands of her ex and her in laws maybe that’s played a part in the decision.

Make sure that the executors give you the money and authority to invest the trust for your youngest child otherwise, exDH is likely to give it to the cousin, and you won’t really be able to do anything about it.

DH and his ex were divorced when she died. Her family (mum and sister) took responsibility for the portion of funds for youngest DC and my DH took responsibility for the funds for oldest DC.

DH made some good investments and oldest DC received almost double the amount when he was 25 than youngest DC received when he was 25, just because the mother and sister bunged it into a savings account and didn’t bother taking professional advice. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t tink he poses a threat. He’s dead is’t he ?

Is this ex-BIL likely to stalk you or your kids or physically threaten them, going forward? Sounds like a nightmare.

Nope the deceased made their will should be respected.

If they registered it then you can get a copy online for a few pounds. Then you would know full details.

As an aside their proposal is bonkers anyway why should your eldest have less then his brother because of a cousin.

By your posts on his family it doesn't sound like a bad thing if they fall out or stop contact with your children anyway!

I 100pc agree with you. The DC may get more details (they may bot). But right now they are being pressured into doing something they dont want to do.
Let's say random neighbour decided to leave your DC 50k in their will because the DC tended their garden and helped with chores. No one would be calling DC saying share that!
So i think you're right. Keep arms length from the ex and in laws and support upur DC.

But the intent to update the will is an assumption. The fact is that they didn’t, so in the absence of any indication as to what the relative wanted other than that stated in the will, the only legal course of action is to follow their wishes as expressed.