To ask what is wrong with me and how do I NOT do this?!

[Tueooo]

39 and my whole life I have been scared of progressing anything with men who are truly into me and treat me well.

Men who are clear about their feelings, feel safe and warm, I just go off them after a few dates. As a result I’ve ended up with truly awful men, one left me 6 months pregnant, another forced me to have an abortion, another threatened to throw me down the stairs and hit me.

I’ve never found it difficult to meet men and dating doesn’t faze me at all. I’ve met someone quite by chance and he’s great, I can tell he cares about me even after a few dates, there’s no pressure to do anything and he’s always interested in my day etc.

I don’t want to ruin this and hide from it. But as we are a few weeks in I can feel myself looking for issues and coming up with things in my mind that might be too cringy or awkward (yes I am aware how incredibly immature this is). Even down to his car!!! I’m analysing that and thinking it will be awkward because it’s so small so I can’t get in it with him… just crazy stuff like this.

I know it’s likely come from childhood and whatever attachment I have but I just want to stop it. How?!

Honestly I think therapy would be a really good idea. Self sabotage is a real thing and that is what this sounds like if you are so determined to be with men who just treat you horribly. I think understanding that attachment and where it’s come from and how you can learn to properly trust people could be really good for you.

Stop dating until you’ve had therapy and worked really hard at unpicking the psychological scripts that are sabotaging all your potentially good relationships.

Huh? How small is that car?

I just need to know what the car is! I can’t think of many/any one seaters!

Ford fiests it made me cringe and I truly don’t know why

The amateur psychologist in me would suggest there's something in you that believes you don't deserve a good man, or that it would be more painful to lose a good one so you sabotage because of that.

As pp said, you could try staying single until you've worked on yourself a bit.