Senior manager sexually propositioned me and I don’t know what to do

[October99]

I have changed my name because a couple of my previous posts could hint at my employer.

I went to after work drinks earlier for a colleague who is leaving. We finished early around 2pm and so by the time this happened at about 8pm, a lot of people were very drunk. I don’t really drink much so had stopped at two glasses earlier in the day.

In the busy and loud pub we’d moved onto I was stood speaking with two colleagues, one of which is a senior manager. My other colleague excused herself to go to the loo, so I was left with my senior manager. He started talking about my partner and said he’s been married over 30 years now and misses going to places like this as a youngster. He said if it was 20 years ago he’d ‘have had me in the gents bent over in a cubicle’. I rolled my eyes and he said something about how he could always roll back the years if I wanted. I immediately left.

He was drunk, no doubting that. But I was left feeling extremely uncomfortable and now don’t know whether I should report this. It would be my word against his and possible career suicide. Would you say something?

This is what I’d do. But, I’d ask him into a private space to speak about it. Not in the open office.
I might take a trusted colleague with me as a witness to what I needed to say.

Wow, I'm surprised by responses. I absolutely would say something to HR. He will have almost certainly done something like this before, and undoubtedly will do again.
Disgusting man.

So his general seduction tecnique is shagging randos in the mens toilets. Report his sorry ass.

Of course you need to say something! All these people telling you not to are part of the problem.

Your work behavioural standards policy is likely to include social events as an extension of the workplace - most companies do. For this exact reason.

In an ideal world we should be able to report this stuff. He was completely out of order and I’m surprised so many of the replies are minimising it. Hope you’re ok, OP.

Don't be ridiculous.

I’d report. I doubt it’s the first time that he’s done it. He’s a slimebag.

Omg. Hope you are ok op.

Many a true word said when drunk OP. He obviously has thought about you in this way which is concerning. Truthfully tho I would say nothing see if the odious little man shows any remorse on Monday. It’s a sorry state of affairs that we fear (especially as women) losing our jobs if reported.

New strengthened workplace harassment laws in the UK take effect on 30 October 2026 under the Employment Rights Act 2025 which means the harassment OP had at their social work event would be covered by it and by whistle blowing. HR depts should have started to roll out new policies and training in preparation for 30th Oct.

Like someone else as said it happened outside work and he was drunk - I wouldn’t say anything.

But then that sort of thing probably wouldn’t bother me too much - although it would depend on how intimidating I found it. I think you coukd be guided by how upset and offended you actually are and how much you want to hold him to account because whilst you would be completely within your rights and right to complain, you’ve gotta have the appetite for it if you go for it.

Ignore it. Even if you got him sacked, you'd make a lot of other people wary of you. It's not worth it for a drunken remark.

I've never said anything like that to anyone when i've been drunk or sober. Why is it acceptable for him?

Something very similar happened to a colleague of mine on a Xmas night out, some years ago. She went to our big boss on the Monday (he - the proposer - was our line manager), and she disciplined him. Our friend was not blamed at all.

If he was your direct line manager then you should definitely report it.

If he’s just a senior manager, but not someone that you directly work with, then it’s less essential to report, but I would still be inclined to. Maybe you can do it confidently so that HR have record of it, but without necessarily taking action. My concern would be that he might try this again on a younger, more vulnerable colleague, and it would be helpful for HR to already have a record of his behaviour.

I doubt that men like this only try it once. He will likely keep trying with different women.

You should report, but I understand why you might not. The reason men get away with this is because they don't get reported - and I bet he's done it before. He'll almost definitely do it again.

Whatever you do, keep a note of what happened, where and when and what. If it does happen again, you'll be able to show a pattern of behaviour.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP, it's upsetting.

I would make a note of exactly what happened and what was said, sign, date and make a note of the time on it. At this point in time you do not know how this is going to play out, but a contemporaneous note is useful evidence if you decide to take it further, or if he escalates his behaviour in the future.

Don't be one of those people. You're both adults. You were both drunk. Build a bridge. Walk across it. Get over it.

As someone who has just gone through a lengthy and very traumatic harassment case at work, a few things I wish I'd known before going to HR....

Join a union before you say a word to anyone.
Check your house insurance for legal cover (if you don't have it, upgrade it).
Don't trust HR. If they call you, insist it's on teams and recorded.

You are entirely right in what you're saying, but don't expect a large corp to do the right thing, they will protect the business.

It's tough and hard going, but women will continue to be objectified if we don't start making these large corps uncomfortable back.

Expect it to settle out of court, but be prepared to pay off your mortgage early.

If you want to talk, I'm here .
Xx

The OP was NOT drunk. Please do not be so dismissive of her experience.

Would I report it? No. Would I have told him that the thought of “shagging him in the toilet” made me feel physically fucking sick, that he needed to lay off the beer and I’d look forward to his apology when he’d sobered up? Yes.
It has happened to me a few times during my career, I’ve always dealt with it in the moment.
These situations where you are not actually at work and drink is involved tend to be….brushed off by HR.

Write an email to yourself now, describing the incident (obviously on your personal email not your work email). That way you have effectively a date-stamped record, whatever you decide to do.

I think the ‘right’ thing to do would be to report it. But I strongly suspect that this would be the wrong thing for you.

no, nothing to say really
why waste his career/marriage/both your careers in fact, for some stupid drunken comment?

I would weaponise it tbh. I would count on his guilty conscience or attraction to land myself a promotion/pay raise.

Reporting gets you a rep for being a whinger.

Yes I'd report it. Drunk or not, he said it and I'd be wondering if he'd been thinking those things anyway whilst sober. Either way, it's not acceptable. Far too many men get away with things like this. It makes me so angry.