Pretty privilege and men

[Heamm]

Man late 50s at work is hugely hugely favouring an apprentice we have who frankly is more physically attractive than the other apprentice.

I’m reasonably senior but below him so don’t feel I can comment on this and not even sure if I should? But the less attractive one is not treated the same and in fact in many ways she is better at her job than the other apprentice.

I know that another colleague at his level has said something to him to the effect of ‘do you think you’d treat x like this…’ ie would you be this hard on the more attractive one if she’d made the same error.

I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. Every morning he spends around 40 minutes with her in his office and directs all conversation to her if there’s multiple people in the vicinity. It’s embarrassing.

I don’t know if this comes across as jealousy on my part - i certainly don’t feel that way but for some reason I have developed an anger towards this happening and feel it’s not right. AIBU? Is this a case of not my circus etc…?

Are you friendly/confident enough with him to tell him he is embarrassing himself and that his credibility is being harmed?

@Weeellokthen he is quite a defensive character. I’m not sure if it’s worth it for me as I am paid well and generally enjoy the work. But I do feel like I should be taking a stand here too as it’s blatantly unfair treatment

Can you have a quiet word with HR if you can't challenge him directly? Its not just unfair on the sidelined apprentice, its bad for both of them. Apprentices are usually quite young, so I also feel sorry for a young (pretty) girl at the start of her working life being singled out by a 50 something man in a position of power.

I cannot roll my eyes hard enough at "pretty privilege".

Don't make it about the young woman. He's being creepy, it's him.

If he is spending one on one time with her in his office when it is not strictly necessary and paying her a lot of extra attention then he is laying himself open to accusations of inappropriate conduct. And if someone of the same seniority as him has said something to him then his behaviour is already being noted.
I don't think you are being unreasonable in being perturbed by this and I think you should have a word with HR about the different ways the apprentices are being treated and about your concerns about the situation.

I've voted YABU, there is no pretty privilege. The more attractive one isn't getting a good training experience and is having to put up with the creepy behaviour of a man her father's age. During my working life I'd rather someone be harsh than have the sexual harrasment, then have senior women, like yourself coming out with the bullshit 'pretty privilege ' line.

I agree with having a quiet word with HR, so they can remind him of his responsibilities and duty to give fair treatment. They can do this by saying there’s been an anonymous complaint but make sure they clarify it’s not from the trainees!

The pervy man is at fault here.
Not the prettier apprentice. Stop calling it a privilege.

Why don't you see that they are both being treated unfairly? She may live in fear of him making advancements. She's out of her depth and everyone is ignoring the situation and seeing her in a better position than she is in.

Applies to both men and women. It's not just men who favour conventionally attractive women. It is a real thing, getting you better treatment from both sexes, regardless of orientation, and there was a study about how "previously pretty" women can feel invisible, and how they really feel they're treated differently.

He’s being an unprofessional dick to both of them, just in different ways.

Why on earth did you say pretty privalge, like this woman is privalged to have this creeps attention, does not part of you think how uncomfortable it will make her,

seriously what hope is there when women also blame the woman, and act like it’s something to envy

Young girl gets creeped on by old man and you're calling it pretty privilege?

I think you need to reflect on your values and report him to HR, as a safeguarding concern.

Oh god, he’s going to try his luck at the Christmas party isn’t he. Yuck.

Speak in confidence to HR before it gets out of hand OP. How would you have liked this embarrassing and unsettling attention from a senior man as a youngster?

Sorry, pretty privilege was not the correct term

Are you not concerned about this young girl and whether she’s being sexually harassed?

not blaming the woman in any way at all to be clear

Are you making this about the young woman in question? It’s not her fault. The thread title suggests you are: pretty privilege. It’s actually about an older male with power, possibly abusing his power and position.

Your post is actually depressing. What I imagine happening is you being cold towards the woman being targeted by this guy, and buddying up with the left out one. This is why we still live under patriarchy!

you wrote like she was getting preferential treatment as she is pretty, that this man, more senior than yoh spends all this time with her. At no point did yoh reference how fucking awful that will be for her,

I’ve been on the receiving end of it, and you have to smile nicely and inside you just want them to fuck off.

it doesn’t at all read like you understand how awful this is, you even reference being jealous. Like it’s something anyone would be jealous of

id delete this and think about your own misogynistic thoughts.

Pretty privilege is things like getting served first at the bar, because the bartender’s eye is naturally drawn towards attractive people so they just assume you were there first even if you weren’t. Or having people offer to help you with your bags because they just happen to notice you struggling, whereas they might not have noticed a less attractive person. It isn’t based on sexual attraction. Straight women do it to attractive women too, and I imagine straight men probably do it to attractive men.

The situation here isn’t pretty privilege, this is just a man behaving inappropriately towards an attractive junior. This is wayyy more common than pretty privilege and isn’t at all a privilege. Sure, they are “nicer” to you, but also they don’t respect you, dismiss your ideas, send you inappropriate messages that are just about vague enough so that they could justify them if challenged, and can turn very nasty very quickly if they decide you are disrespecting them by not smiling enough or laughing at their jokes.

Being the unfavoured junior being made to feel like chopped liver isn’t any easier either. It’s crap for both ladies. The man needs sexual harassment training and both interns need to be assigned to work with someone who will treat them with respect.

Agreed.

Being sexually harassed in the workplace is a privilege??

Rubbish. This may not be pretty privilege, but it absolutely exists. Im the ugly one in a pretty family and ive seen it thousands of times.

Most recent example of pretty privilege ive seen happened a few days ago. Two massive queues into a tourist attraction. A long one for the paid internal entry, a short one for the free external terrace. A group of gorgeous young German women walked to the front of the short queue, showed their tickets, flirted and laughed that they were in the wrong queue and he let them in front of everyone. Not a minute later he sent two short plain women doing the same thing to the back.

My sister was classically beautiful and regularly used to crow about getting men to do exactly what she wanted them to do.

Tell him his blatant favouritism is obvious to everyone and he risks making a fool of himself.

Agreed. It is not a privilege to have to fend off unwanted behaviour - including preferential treatment that isolates you from peers - due to your looks.