Feeling let down

[HynotisingMaria]

I'm not working at the moment for various personal and family reasons that I won't go into too much here, but I used to be very capable, ran my own business, have a wide variety of transferable skills and really need to get back into the workforce for financial reasons as well as my own self-esteem.

I caught up with a friend two weeks ago and she mentioned some jobs coming up at her office, which isn't far from me. She said she wasn't sure whether they had already filled the roles, but would definitely ask. Two weeks later... nothing. I have sent her a Whatsapp to ask what is happening.. she has been online every day at regular intervals and not even bothered to read my messages.

I've checked the company website and the four jobs are still advertised. I have around one more week to apply.

I feel a little bit put out and let down. I know she has some mental health issues but then she knows me really well (20 years), she knows how much I need to get back into work and she even said I will definitely enquire for you.

Anyway, just whining and feeling let down.... by another human.. again.. sigh...

Why haven't you just... Applied?

Edit: cross-posted with OP reply

Because she told me the jobs were only advertised internally at first. I had no idea they would be on the website. Applying this weekend before it's too late!

I’m guessing she doesn’t think you’ll be a good fit and doesn’t want to recommend you.

She isn’t stopping you applying? The adverts are still out, why do you need her to confirm?

It was the way she insisted she would ask for me about the positions, salary, if they had been filled already. All the detail and then nothing.... and ignoring my messages about it all.

Maybe I'm just expecting too much from my friendships? If the shoe had been on the other foot, then I would have made sure I'd got back to her by now. In reality, two of the roles expire this weekend. It just feels very inconsiderate.

Maybe that is it. But then why tell me about the jobs in the first place? She could have said nothing.

Put out how? You don't have a job and still don't have a job, but there's jobs you could have applied for, so nothings changed?

Youve got personal family reasons but haven't cut her any slack when she has mental health problems. You've messaged her "what is happening" I probably wouldn't reply to that either and if I hadn't heard from her would simply assume the roles had been filled, that or apply for the ones you've seen on the website, not even sure why you did that to not apply.

Flip it; maybe the role is reporting into an absolute managerial misfit, and that she is protecting you!

Either way; dont let her inaction prevent you from taking action.

Don't demonise her too much, anything could be going on to reason why she hasn't done what was said. Just get on with applying. That way you can make your own decision if you proceed. Not relying on. anyone else

I think it can be tricky recommending jobs to friends or vice versa in case the friend doesn’t like the job or the job doesn’t suit the friend. She probably only realised this when she stopped to think and it’s now got a bit awkward.

I wouldn’t take it personally- just look at the adverts and apply if you think it would suit you.

It will either be that in hindsight, she is worried that working with you could affect your friendship, or that you'd be really good at the job and outshine her.

She may have been told not to ask at work and for you to go through the same application as everyone else.

She may have forgotten to reply.

She may be messing with you; does she do so?

Just apply. Good luck!

Maybe she’s having her own struggles at work at the moment and doesn’t feel comfortable asking for you or talking to you about it.

It's weird she volunteered the info and is now blanking you. Yanbu.

I didn't say literally "what is happening"? I also understand she has a lot going on, but it was the insistence at helping me. She told me the jobs were not advertised to the public but they are.... I have only looked just now because I have heard nothing back and they have been advertised to the public for a couple of weeks already. So she lied or didn't know??

She said she would personally ask her line manager and get back to me asap.

Why say that and then disappear?

Bloody hell thank you for understanding

Just apply today?

either she’s flakey or she’s nervous.

In my personal experience, this can end very badly indeed. I never ever intentionally mix personal with professional now. if people I know want to apply to my company, I have nothing to do with it.

You are an external candidate. She's flagged up jobs, they didn't get filled internally so they are now externally advertisrd.

Just... apply? You would always have had to apply externally. I don't understand the issue.

Because she never got back to me as she was adamant that she would.

Maybe she didn’t no and thought she’d be able to put in a good word, but was wrong and is embarrassed as you are waiting on her rather than applying.

Maybe she doesn’t want to work with a friend

Maybe her mental health is worse than normal and she can’t deal with her phone right now.

But whatever the reason, you’ve seen a job you want to apply for, so just do that rather than feeling so sorry for yourself.

It WILL either be that in hindsight, she is worried that working with you could affect your friendship, or that you'd be really good at the job and outshine her.

That's a very confident statement.

When my mum died my support network were constantly WhatsApping back and forth - maybe people watching my "last active" times assumed I was having a lovely time and cooking up plans to personally slight them instead of sorting their lives out for them.

Needless to say (or is it?) this is just an example of other reasons and I'm not suggesting this is the situation for OP's friend.

As you can see, I gave other possibilities, including that she may have forgotton!

I've been through massive trauma, two close relatives passed of advanced cancer within months of each other. I was running a very successful business and stepped down to provide care. The business was in IT, I am a coder, but I am not keen to go back into it.

I am perfectly capable of sourcing my own potential employment opportunities. I had a breakdown due to carer stress and health issues and am now back on my feet. These opportunities are good ones due to the locality and ease of access for me as well as using most of my skills and the transferable ones. I want to get back into working with people rather than just sitting at a screen all day.

She offered, I was not even asking. How dare you be so rude about me not being able to get my shit together. You have no idea what I have been through for my family for the past 4 years.

You did, I'm sorry. I was a bit trigger happy there.