To think that ADHD is killing me

[LazyCrazyAndStupid]

Definitely slowly but also not so slowly. I just can't take care of myself.

I have got a massive cavity in my tooth. The dentist said she doesn't believe me that it doesn't hurt like crazy (it doesn't) but I know it very soon will. Still I can't make the appointment to get it actually filled. It took me more than 10 years to just schedule the initial consultation.

I have got high cholesterol (and all the other markers of early heart disease), high blood pressure, I'm pre diabetic and am severely deficient in vitamin d and moderately deficient in vit b12. But I don't take the supplements let alone do anything about about my bad lipid profile.

I regularly have blood in my stool. I know I need to get it checked but I don't. I get regular chest and arm pain after walking or climbing stairs. I'm terrified I'll have a heart attack soon but I can neither change my lifestyle, nor ask for treatment or even schedule an appointment with my GP. I know It's not like I can't. I make appointments for the kids or DH all the time. I just can't do it for myself.

I can't even wash fruits before eating. It's so stupid. I religiously wash them for the kids or anyone else but not for myself. I'm constantly kindly dehydrated. My throat is so dry it's burning but I still won't drink water. Even when I have a glass of water next to me I won't drink it.

I am getting quite far sighted and it's really annoying me but of course I can't make an appointment with the optician and get varifocals.

I am nearly fifty and I have young kids and I feel terrible about not taking better care of my health and making sure that I'll be around and healthy enough to look after them while they need me. The only thing I somewhat manage to do is look after them and do my work. My work is draining me, especially because I'm so inefficient and slow but it's the one thing I won't completely neglect. The house is a tip and I've got very elderly parents who are suffering massively and desperately need my help but right now I barely manage to even call them.

I don't know what to do. I mean I know exactly what I have to do but I can't . I won't. I mean how do you do anything when you just can't do anything? I know it doesn't make sense but at some point everyone needs to "just do it" and I just can't "just do it".

I am medicated. I think 50mg of lisdexamphetamine. My psychiatrist added another dose of 20mg on top of that recently but most days I forget to take it. When I do I am alert for longer but don't use my time any better.

I am addicted to browsing my phone. I use all kinds of apps to limit my use but I get around them. I need to just get rid of it or at least completely block the browser but I won't do that.

Sorry for the long novel. I'm at the end of my tether. I'm tired and I'm depressed and I don't know how to get myself get out of this rut.

I have ADHD - medicated - and get what you're saying. Life is just such hard work and I feel I'm constantly letting myself down.
Its a hard thing to explain and people saying "just do..." doesn't help.

I have ADHD. What you need to accept is you are killing you. Once you believe, really believe, that you are in control of your own fate then you can begin to deal with the symptoms of your ADHD.
You do have a choice.

I wonder if we crossed over people who spent too much time on their phones with people who have ADHD? What would we see?

Ultimately coming off the phone will give you more time more headspace more opportunity to do the right thing. Make the right decisions. Absolutely your ADHD makes this much harder however it doesn’t make it impossible.

HRT will definitely help but so well putting the phone out of reach. Anyone who needs you in an emergency will call not just message. You can do this and it is vitally important that you do as lives are destroyed by phone and gaming addiction.

It's almost certainly cyclical, where ADHD leads to a pattern of engagement in harmful activity and then the effects of said harmful activity (e.g. reduced cognitive function from alcoholism) exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD.

There is a very well established association between ADHD and many harmful, addictive activities - problem gambling, impulse spending, shopping addiction (e.g. to the point people literally fill their homes with so much stuff they can no longer use entire rooms). Drug addiction, alcohol addiction, smoking, overeating, risky sexual behaviour etc.

The research basically shows that although these activities are recognised as potentially addictive to anybody, and many people do more of some of these things than they would like, most people can either choose to abstain or do the activities in moderation, and that is because if you like there is a sort of "protection circuit" which most people can use to moderate their behaviour (e.g. with alcohol, spending, or food). But with ADHD, this circuit is weaker and less likely to be able to have a moderating effect. It is similar to how GLP-1s can help somebody who really struggles with overeating, and people taking them report the disappearance of "food noise" or overwhelming, obsessive thoughts about eating - there is even a slight overlap in the effects of GLP-1s and ADHD medication (in that ADHD medication can reduce "food noise" and food cravings on a smaller scale but in a similar way to GLP-1s, and GLP-1s have a moderate effect on ADHD symptoms, again not as much as ADHD medication.)

Screens/internet/gaming/social media addiction is newer, so there is not as much research specifically about the interaction between this and ADHD. But it is highly likely that it is a similar mechanism. We know that social media and other algorithmically-generated content specifically works along similar routes in the brain to deliver pleasure similar to a drug/sugar hit and/or a slot machine, which is part of why it's so compelling, and just like with things like alcohol and junk food, even people who don't consider themselves to have a screen use "problem" often find that they are drawn to their phone more than they would ideally like.

Anecdotally I can just agree with others in this thread, in that I have successfully managed to stay off my phone/computer for various periods in the past, but the behaviour (which I think is basically avoiding tasks which are boring or require effort) simply comes back in some other form. It will be TV, or reading, or puzzle books, sometimes I will literally just fall asleep.

Those things are sometimes better for me overall. But the issue itself doesn't really go away, I still have to manage that urge to avoid everything, and I do best of all when I can address that directly rather than just trying to stop myself using screens, screens are just the default to reach for when that avoidance is kicking in. If they are not an option I assure you my brain will find other ways to distract me.

I hear you. I’ve just started Dana K White’s book (on audio) Procrastinators get stuff done. It’s great. I’d highly recommend it to you x

Does your DH know about your numb arm and blood in poo? If not please tell him and ask him to make you an appointment.

This is your one and only priority. The rest is white noise for now distracting you.

Phone addiction is real. It stops us doing so much. I read a comment somewhere, that if we shut down the internet and started living without it we would be healthier, mentally and physically.
I am not under estimating the impact of adhd but I’m in a similar position, not sure if I’m depressed or just unmotivated but I know the phone is a huge issue for distractions and putting off things that need to be done. Make a list, get started. Put the phone away for two hours.

1am and frantically working to make a deadline tomorrow. Ugh. And I'm parched but just don't feel like drinking. What is that?

Appblock on my phone is definitely working wonders. I run out of my 2h limit usually by mid morning but then at least I get some work done in the afternoon. I still manage to distract myself with some nonsense or the other. However because the restrictions on my phone are so severe at least I distracted myself with YouTube videos on my work laptop that are somewhat related to my work even though they aren't the thing I really needed to work on today. I read somewhere that ADHD is an inability to tolerate boredom or unpleasant emotions and that rings very true.

For those who have asked no I haven't been to the GP yet about the chest pain and bloody stools but I have managed to make a dentist appt for me and the kids. I'm tempted to cancel it because I'm so snowed under with work but I know if I do I'll probably lose that tooth.

My parents bad health and suffering really weighs on me. I'm dealing with it by trying not to think about it and avoiding the whole situation as much as possible but it's always there in the back of my mind. I do call my mum on most days but i keep procrastinating that as well but then feel guilty and worried and horrible till I speak to her. Not that that is related to ADHD but I feel like if I had to focus on one thing besides the kids it should be my parents and not stupid work. But because the work is right in front of me I do that and because I'm so inefficient at it it means I don't have time for anything else.

Checking in because I'm not sleeping well at the moment. I do think the procrastination and shame about not speaking to your parents probably is related to the ADHD for what it's worth, though obviously it's a tough situation for anyone. I really relate to focusing on work to the exclusion of everything else because it's the unavoidable thing and it sucks up all your energy just to tread water so you have none left for anything else. Is it an option for you to take some time off at all after this deadline? Even just a couple of weeks to look into your health stuff and spend some time with your parents? Is it something where you could get some support in place for them which would ease the guilt a bit?

Sorry if problem solving isn't what you need right now when you have a deadline. I hope you get enough done that you can sleep soon.

I am also a bit weird about drinking. All my life I've hated very cold drinks but recently I've found small drinks with lots of ice much more drinkable. So maybe there's a sensory aspect that's making you not want to drink? I think I block out so much sensory discomfort especially to focus on work that I'm not even aware of some of the things I'm avoiding.

My daughters have adhd as does their father. I do know if I didn’t take my youngest to the dentist she wouldn’t look after her appointments and take herself. Consequently she’s never had a filling. Getting DH to go to the dentist is challenging. He can’t seem to deal with being educated about his teeth rather than anything else.

Definitely agree with the PP about the addictive behaviour, I overindulge and know things are bad for me. I don't gamble, have risky sex, take drugs and hardly drink alcohol because of driving a lot, but I do overeat on things like chocolate and sweet treats, and shopping addiction OMG the things in my house that have tags on. I bought a dress in 2000 that has a tag on it. I was just starting 6th form. Madness.

Also this might be a bit left field but maybe it would help to talk to someone about your guilt etc around your parents situation? I find the stuff that makes me feel shame and guilt is the stuff I procrastinate about the most. Just if you provide your parents with any kind of regular support I think you're considered an unpaid carer and there are organisations that offer support including counselling. https://carers.org/taking-care-of-yourself/counselling-for-carers. Apologies if you already know all about this stuff though.

I'm ADHD. I understand you, OP. That said - chest pains + blood in stool = potentially life-threatening conditions, both of them. Think about the people who depend on you. Go to the doctor for THEM. You are absolutely severely depressed, no question. Sort the physical emergency out first, because without a body you can't do much, eh? Then come back to everything else that is going on. Please message me any time, I'll be here.

Hi OP, this sounds really tough x
I also have ADHD and relate to the water issue. I can't drink regular water. Does it help to have flavoured or hot drinks instead (non-caffinated if necessary).
ADHD is a doing disorder. We know what we should do but can't often bring ourselves to do it.
An alarm to remind you re the medication is a good idea. Have the medication by your bed so you take it as soon as you wake up.
HRT is a good call.
You do sound a bit burnt out. Is it worth booking some annual leave and then you could spend some time resting and catching up with your self-care tasks. Write a list of everything you need to do and tick just one thing off the list everyday. Get someone to support with this if needed.

Great that you have made the dentist appointment along with your DCs. I was so motivated by your post I made one for me as well that I have been avoiding. I actually emailed for the first time rather than called which was less of a barrier.

Please call your GP xx

OMG I was thinking this the other day. As far as I know I don't have ADHD although do have traits, I think.
just lately I've felt just the same as OP. I'm sure I have high bp but can't seem to make myself check it or go to the GP. I've got so much admin to do around updating my Will and other admin things but I know it's going to cause hassle and I just can't seem to make myself do it. I never used to be like this. It's since I've turned 60...I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.
your comment has made me realise I turn to my phone as an escape and now I'm totally addicted! I was about 60 when I finally went on social media!!
so thank you! 😄

Thanks. Very happy to hear this. 🤗

Today morning was a disaster. Finished my work around 1.30 but then didn't go to bed till about 2.30. so overslept today, which meant kids were late to school again and DH was late to work. The house is a tip. I'm so sleepy but need to be alert and focussed for an all day reasonably important workshop. I am just so annoyed with myself.

I do feel for you OP, as life sounds hugely challenging. I feel like lots of us on here are wanting to support and encourage you into taking action.
Asking this gently, what are you hoping for from this thread?

I have ADHD and likely undiagnosed autism. This really does sound like PDA and ADHD interacting.

I manage quite well with kids and work but doing so burns me out. So anything personal can be horrendous. I will regularly make sure the kids eat breakfast before school but entirly forgot to eat anything for hours myself. I use reminders and alarms for everything but some things I have literally been snoozing for years (my will for example is a remidner that has moved between multiple phones over the years!).

Part of the problem is that my brain overthinks so everything is linked to everything else. Booking an appointment for myself is really hard unless its online. I thibk because I don't know what they will offer and it could interfere with work, school runs or other commitments. They so offer overrun too. I find it really hard to thibk in the moment if it will work. So it just feels impossible. I could easily have booked an appt instead of writing this. But I just... can't. If it was an online booking system I'd manage because I could have time to think through all thr differrnt ramifications.

I recently found out I'm iron and vit d deficient. Iron needs to be taken on an empty stomach. Vit d needs taken with food. So two separate meds to remember when I have no consistency with eating to be able to easily schedule it. I'm probably 20% successful at taking each supplement. Argh - its a nightmare

It's rotten. I feel your pain. Definitely try HRT, that plus lisdexamphetamine is keeping me level.

Missed dd's school play today. I had no idea it was today. 😥

Sorry to hear that. Sit down with the events calendar and put everything info a diary (I prefer paper but most people use online).
Being late for school you need a few alarms to avoid this. Your husband should have one as well as you.