Flirty or just friendly?

[crushy42]

Dad on the school run. Comes over to talk to me every time. Notices/comments on what i am wearing ("did you work out?" noticing my gym wear, or "i am trying to figure out what type of birds is on your dress"). Friendly always, lots of interested questions and lots of eye contact and smiles.
Our kids are friends which each other so to me it seems natural that we gravitate towards each other (more than to other parents i mean).

I am ND and don't find these behaviours necessarily flirty but then again i have had instances where I have acted like this and men thought I was flirting, so I was wondering if i confuse friendliness for flirtiness and vice versa more often.

What would you think if this happened to you?

AIBU- he is just being friendly

YANBU - he is being flirty

🤣🤣 OR maybe he really IS ND and birds are his hyperfocus....?? Haha Oh well who knows. But seriously though, it's not a creep. But I totally respect that he comes across that way from my post.

Great post, exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier post which came across as a bit rude sorry OP.

Maybe he just likes to flirt :) It's not bad to keep those skills going.

In my experience, just being friendly to a guy is considered flirting by them - I guess they can't tell the difference either.

I would just go with it and have a friendship. But say no if he asks/tries to make it more obvious.

No problem!

I read your comment three times but still don't understand what you're saying, sorry. What did you mean?

Yes i've had that same experience which is why I came on here to see what other people would think in this case . And could very well be that he just likes to flirt! Or just very friendly in general.

I don’t know if my bullshit tolerance has lowered as I get older but the birds-on-dress and gym comments rankle with me, almost creepy and unnecessary.

deffo having a go, he fancies you

Just friendly imo but now i need to see the bird dress to know exactly what birds they were 🐥🦆🦅🐓🦤 ??

Some people are just like that. Without knowing the man it’s impossible to tell. I used to see a man regularly as he ran a kid friendly activity. He was always very friendly and interested and asked questions irrelevant to the activity - more personal. Very attractive I started to think maybe there was more to it … then I drove up one day and his back was to me and I overheard him talking to another woman the exact way he spoke to me. It was just his character, rather than demonstrating any special interest 😔

There you go. 😆 What are they do you reckon?

This is a real possibility here too. Some people are naturally flirty without trying to be. I apparently also have given men the wrong idea before.

It sounds like you were interested in the guy, so i can imagine finding out he was like that with anyone (or any woman) must have stung a little.

Swallows, pretty blatantly. He’s a bullshitter.

Yes swallows, very pretty, no i am not flirting 😁

Not true. Some men are just pleasant, sociable people.

I think this man is simply trying to make small talk and with little to go on, he's using what he has to start a conversation. It's nice to have someone like that in those situations that can be a bit awkward if you're not the sort to approach others.

😆😆👌

This is such bollocks.

Maybe I am naive, but maybe he just doesn't know what to say to start a conversation, so starts with what he sees, so you turn up in gymwear he says "Been to the Gym ?" , or in your bird dress "Nice dress, what are they ?".

I think you are overthinking things. Sounds like some friendly playground chat to a parent of child’s friend, and while away the time rather than being on phone

Im sure ive read this before.

I had a dad like this at DD's primary school who would come over to chat, and I would chat back, very friendly. Then, on another occasion where I was chatting to his wife with just as much friendliness as I had given to him, he saw and afterwards was really cool and off with me - I think he was testing the water with me and when he saw I treated his wife the same as him he realised I wasn't interested, just friendly, and was affronted. The dad you are talking to might be testing the water OP, not out and out flirting, just scoping you out to see if there's any possibility.

Argh, if this was 12 years ago, I'd be wondering if this thread was about me!

I used to do the bulk of DD's school drop offs / pick ups, I'm her Dad. I'm also spectacularly crap at small talk and found the playground excruciating. Would have been happy just stood on my phone like an antisocial gremlin but wanted to be sociable for DDs sake.

DP is effortless at small talk, so one evening I asked her how she does. She gave me a bunch of ways she starts conversation, one of which was complimenting someones hair, clothes etc. That one kind of stuck with me. I own a lot of geeky / funny t-shirts, and quite often strangers mention that they like them or that they're funny, and it sparks a conversation.

OK, I thought, I can do that. And off I go with my new conversational arsenal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling everyone I meet that I love their clothes, but it becomes one of the tools I used. Among others, I also started watching Gogglebox, so I'd be able to talk about TV that wasn't sci fi.

3 months on, things have gone swimmingly. I have actual playground friends. Probably more than I had when I was in school! DD is getting playdates, all is well.

Until one day when I'm talking to two Mums, we'll call them Jane and Claire. I mention to Jane that I like her top, and notice a weird look from Claire. Janes kid comes out and they leave, and Claire takes the opportunity to say to me "You and (DD)'s Mum are still together aren't you". I say "Yes, why?". "You might want to be careful, I think Janes getting the wrong idea."

I relay this info to DP that evening, and she asks what we'd been talking about. I tell her and she rolls around laughing.

I don't talk to women about clothes any more.

That's hilarious! Thank you for sharing this perspective. While i don't necessarily think this is the deal with the school dad (he seems very socially relaxed with everyone) I still appreciate that being awkward could have some impact here.. for all i know I make him feel awkward because i dont really do small talk either so the conversation either goes deep or nowhere at all!.😆

I dont think he is testing the waters, not deliberately or calculated anyway. Maybe it's more a subconscious attraction. He seems like a good guy, not a perv or cheat. I do talk just as animatedly to his wife when she is there and i really like her, so i feel s little awkward if he was indeed flirting.

Very possible, this isn't the first thread like this...it's an experience more people seem to have