Are you neurodivergent?

[fintangel]

Have you been diagnosed with, or do you suspect you might have ADHD or ASD or a combination or both?

YABU = yes
YANBU = no, I’m definitely neurotypical

You need better friends. I've had friends tell me they're not that surprised about my diagnosis. But none of my friends have ever questioned it

This explains your anger at people questioning the diagnostic model. You have internalised your diagnosis and built an identity around it and encouraged your children to do the same. I would never suggest your struggles and traits aren't a core part of who you are. A diagnosis though is just shorthand for a cluster of experiences. If for policy or scientific reasons it is deemed that the threshold needs to change then this could cause an identity crisis.

Diagnoses especially in this area are subject to medical frameworks shifting and this fosters uncertainty. Someone that wasn't deemed to have ADHD a few decades ago could now meet the criteria. There is nothing to stop the criteria shifting again. DSM 5 almost certainly isn't the end state and there are plans to make it a live document rather than updating it every 10 years.

I don't begrudge anything. I also haven't suggested that you should be labelled all those horrible things. You have weirdly completely projected all your fears on to me. I have no idea if you would meet a new, stricter threshold. Even if you didn't then I would want the world to move to a more accepting place where we understand that those without a diagnosis can still struggle with ND traits. We have to move past our current binary position as it's harming everyone. It's like the pain statistics I quoted earlier, 'well' people without chronic pain conditions can still experience pain on a relatively frequent basis. We don't need to diagnose everyone but equally we absolutely shouldn't pretend that their pain is invalid or doesn't cause them discomfort. We should still be compassionate and caring to them but we need to be able to distinguish between those that need medicalising and those that don't whilst being clear that suffering can happen in both groups.

Physical disabilities work the exact same as ND disabilities. We have to be careful about thresholds and yes, to an extent we have to accept that there has to be some degree of suffering that isn't considered a disability otherwise a massive proportion of us would be considered disabled. 50% of adults suffer from a long standing or chronic health condition in the UK for example. At least 20% of people are estimated to be ND. The concept of disability is going to become very diluted and almost meaningless unless we maintain relatively strict thresholds.

You’re talking nonsense- again and the arrogance is breathtaking. No identity here as very few know of my autism and adhd diagnosis and I run myself ragged trying to hide both. I’ve lived a long life without diagnosis and with. The former was horrific and bewildering. Life is still incredibly tough but the self hatred and confusion is waning. My diagnosis t short hand for a cluster of experiences( how dismissive) it’s a collection of huge difficulties that have a significant impact on life.

Oh and you mean women and girls wouldn’t have met the criteria before. We’re now better informed in how ND presents in women and girls and that genie isn’t going to jump back in the bottle.

@Itchthescratch I'm not projecting anything, I'm referring to how autistic people have been viewed in society historically, the terms I used were given to people who were very likely autistic.
If you can't see why the current situation is an improvement, I don't know what to say really. All conditions are subjective to some degree, it's impossible for them not to be. I can't see any valid reason why you would be so invested in deciding that 'everyone is a bit autistic' in relation to ND or 'everyone suffers pain', in relation to physical disabilities other than some weird attempt at gatekeeping what you think is justifiable or non justifiable support or acceptance. Would you really have the gall to tell someone with MS that their condition is invalid because everyone falls over sometimes? What on earth makes you think you have that right?
No one here is required to justify their suffering to you for you so you can feel comfortable about the deserving or undeserving disabled because you've taken it upon yourself to decide you need to be the arbiter of such things.

No 20% are not estimated to be ND. 1.8% of the population have autism with 4% ADhD and a huge number are the same people as many have both.

I don’t know. My youngest DC is very obviously autistic and that’s made me question whether I am too. I’m severely introverted to the extent it physically hurts when I spend too long around people and I have to lay down and have some quiet to recuperate. I don’t mind socialising and have an incredibly social/people facing job but each evening I just need some silence. On the train home I sometimes feel so exhausted I want to hit people for eating smelly food or even breathing loudly some days. I don’t know if this makes me ND or just introverted.

Agreed. A better rheumatologist too!

One of my friends who told me my diagnosis is wrong is a teacher in a private school with lots of ND kids, so she has actual
experience at dealing with ND. She then told me she is pretty sure her DS has ADHD but hasn’t told him and hasn’t done anything about getting him diagnosed because she doesn’t want him to have a ‘label’. I felt like pointing out that there are very few (if any) disadvantages to having a label and many advantages but decided I’d be wasting my time.

DH is like this. He's 58 and otherwise functional, so we have decided he's introverted, as it's too much of a bother to do much else.

The sensory thing you describe with the smells and sounds on the train does potentially sound like neurodivergence but obviously that is not enough to even say whether it is likely or not. It would be interesting to ask yourself whether these types of sensory issues have been a lifelong pattern - if yes that makes ND more likely. The rest could be introvesrsion. Have you ever done screeners for autism and ADHD? There is the ASRS - you’ll find that on the ADHD UK website - and the AQ-10 for autism which you’ll find very easily with Google

I meant your own sense of identity. That's why I used the word internalised and not externalised based on what you have previously written about you and your children.

All diagnoses for any condition are a shorthand for a cluster of experiences. It's not dismissive. It's as true for cancer as it is for common cold. Again you are making everything incredibly emotive.

The genie won't necessarily go back in the bottle but this doesn't mean the threshold won't change. Including women and girls isn't an unequivocal triumph if it's resulting in overmedicalisation.

You are making massive assumptions about @Carr0tT0p’s psychology. You can’t possibly know whether she has “built an identity around it”.

i do not agree with your point about diagnostic criteria shifting fostering uncertainty. I think it is the opposite. As scientific understanding increases, it would be very odd not to change the diagnositic criteria. This is normal for any diagnosis, especially where the understanding is evolving.

ND isn't just those two conditions.....

This is a direct quote from their post:
My diagnosis is an intrinsic part of me as my children’s diagnoses are to them

If the criteria is shifting then by it's very nature this means that the diagnosis is more uncertain. It's effectively built on shifting sands that are liable to change at any point. This is risky if I view the diagnosis as an 'intrinsic part of me'.

Including women and girls isn't an unequivocal triumph if it's resulting in overmedicalisation.

With undiagnosed autistic girls and women being 20 times more likely than their NT peers to attempt/ succeed in taking their own lives, why do you think that 'overmedicalisation' is a problem in this context? You have to 'medicalise' to enable understanding and support appropriately. They're also far more likely to have eating disorders and a range of other mental health problems that could be prevented if the autism is diagnosed earlier.

Suicide and self harm are complex issues and we often see similar fears and concerns raised around other controversial areas such as the Trans right movement. What these issues often have in common is that we are often discussing vulnerable people and this is why overdiagnosis and misdiagnosis is especially risky.

What we do know is that a diagnosis isn't some magical solution to this issue. People with an autism diagnosis without an intellectual disability are 9 times more likely to commit suicide as the general population. This increases to 13 times more likely if you look at women alone. The undiagnosed statistic is very difficult to calculate as obviously by definition they weren't assessed for Autism. Instead researchers rely on family members' accounts of whether the individual had elevated Autistic traits. There is no evidence that these traits would have been sufficient to guarantee a diagnosis.

The answer isn't to lower the threshold for Autism diagnosis as a) this obviously isn't as much as a protective factor as we need it to be and b) we are potentially misdiagnosing people and missing more effective methods of support. It's like suggesting that we need to support the sexual transition of minors because those that want to transition are more likely to self harm or comment suicide. It isn't always the right thing to do and we need to be brave enough as a society to look into other alternatives

Yes I know she said it is an intrinsic part of her. You are making an inference because she might mean something more like “the neurological charisterisrics and lifelong experiences that led to my diagnosis are intrinsic parts of who I am.” Or she could have meant something else that neither of us have thought about. These traits are not going to change however much the diagnostic criteria may change.

it is normal for diagnostic criteria to change over time as understanding builds. I don’t see the issue here.

I think you are inferring something that she didn't actually write. If she states her diagnosis is an intrinsic part of her then I have to assume she means her diagnosis and not her traits or experiences. I agree and have stated repeatedly that changing the threshold for diagnosis absolutely doesn't change anyone's traits or struggles. They don't magically disappear

We haven’t lowered the threshold for diagnosis, we’ve recognised how autism presents in women and girls. As somebody who has walked the walk of suicide attempts with more than one child I can assure you that autism and adhd diagnosis are crucial in effective treatment and handling of MH difficulties.

The misdiagnosis happening is autistic people( often women and girls) being wrongly diagnosed with BPD not the other way round.

Our threshold for diagnosing Autism has undeniably reduced and broadened over time.

This pretty much sums up my opinion regarding ASD
https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2026/aug/has-autism-become-too-broad-be-useful

Yawn......

Because it now recognises how it presents in women and girls and that those with ADHD can have autism too. Do you serially not know that?

Why are you so aggressive? The criteria for an ADHD diagnosis fell from needing 6 symptoms to only needing 5 and raised the age of required onset. This isn't just about recognising women and girls. This is obviously making it easier to get a diagnosis for everyone. Do you serially not know that?

Yes I was guessing, as were you. It is highly likely that we are both wrong….. because we are guessing.

Also you have to remember that people may be writing out comments here very quickly and so their post might not come out exactly as they intended. I have certainly been in the position on here where my comments have been misinterpreted because I banged out the words quickly rather writing carefully considered prose.

Ok, I literally take the poster on face value based on what they've written. I don't assume anything. They state their diagnosis is an Intrinsic part of whole they are. You insist it's just as likely that they meant something entirely different to what they've actually written based on absolutely nothing that poster has written.

Now you want me to buy into the assumption that we are both likely equally wrong. It's quite serious mental gymnastics. Let's assume they meant what they wrote unless they explicitly state otherwise like we do with everyone else?