Are you neurodivergent?

[fintangel]

Have you been diagnosed with, or do you suspect you might have ADHD or ASD or a combination or both?

YABU = yes
YANBU = no, I’m definitely neurotypical

I’ve filled out a lot of the ADHD & autism questionnaires for my DD1. Fuck me the one for the private UK doc was complicated. Pretty much impossible for me - and that alone kind of confirmed it for me.
Filling out the French one - totally different experience - easier form for one, and at 20 I’d have scored high on it, but at 55 I wouldn’t. It had a lot of risky behaviors on it, that no longer appeal.

So not diagnosed. And I’d qualify in the UK but not France for ADHD.

It really is a postcode lottery. We don't have anything like that in my area. There is an autism MH service but they are just advisory and give ideas to CMHT for engaging people with autism. There is more for people who have a diagnosed learning disability but services for autism without LD aren't there. Even the learning disability service is lacking after a freeze in recruitment.

They know they need more funding. It’s madness as untreated and under diagnosed adhd alone is costing the uk £17 million a year. Those with autism end up with far worse outcomes ,ones that cost huge amounts of money.

Seriously though what does diagnosis even do? There are no effective treatments for autism and adhd. Not really. Medication might help. But what else? I’ve never read a success story when an adult or child has been diagnosed, very effectively treated and gone on to live a stable productive life.

Most of the talking therapies as expensive and little better than having a vent. No matter what support is put in place at school they still seem to ‘burnout’ or ‘school refuse’. I feel like whatever society offered would never quite be enough or the right thing.

Ah ok. I have had this conversation with a colleague - we're opposites, she's brilliant socially, and she wants my memory for data and details. She really gets through life on her personality and she was baffled at the idea of really changing anything, or thinking about anything like I do, day to day. The only thing she could think of she has ever done is 'try to tone it down' a little eg in very formal situations, because she's the type to fill a silence.

Honestly I've had a few conversations with people like that by now (I'm in a work environment where people tend to be interested, and unlike this thread there aren't many autistic people in it, though a fair few likely ADHD or dyslexia, so I do get asked about it) It has been helpful for me to give myself a bit of a break about why I'm not as successful at certain things, because I realise how much more effort I'm having to put in just for the basics which other people haven't had to think about since they were young children.

I’ve never thought about it. Luckily I’ve never had to go to the doctor with mental health issues. Hopefully never will, but…

Wow your ignorance is massive. ADHD medication is hugely effective as are other treatments. Did you not bother to read the ADHD taskforce link I posted? In our area you get a lengthy ADHD group psychotherapy course for several weeks on handling ADHD before starting discussion re meds. It’s fantastic.Many choose not to go on medication however it can be life changing. It has been life changing for 2 of my children. Massively so, MH wise, education and in the workplace. It’s the difference between holding down a job, getting qualifications and not. Self medication via alcohol and drugs often stops, ditto often self harm and impulsivity/ suicidal idealisation.

With autism ND aware therapy is incredibly helpful, ditto adjusted treatment and medication. There are support groups, courses and even better awareness from professionals can be hugely helpful. Sadly I find there is more stigma with autism. Many young people won’t declare it or take up support offered even on EHCPs. It carries more risk of bullying.

Because there is a culture war that the media has stirred up. It is a complex subject and the media are producing half-truths or total myths which sound logical but are highly misleading and without exception serve to make neurodivergent people look
like lazy chancers who on the take.

It’s like a parallel universe as thankfully I don’t see it in RL just huge awareness from advocating professionals very much aware of how much autism and adhd impact life and also how it presents in women and girls. Nobody else gives a shit, that said like most I mask and hide our struggles .

I think people feel like they can say what they think online whereas they have to bottle it up in real life

No I think in RL people are getting on with their lives. People have jobs and other complexities in life, they’re far too busy to be spending hours gnashing their teeth about disabilities they know very little about. Most will be worrying about real problems such as a burning planet, multiple wars , AI and dictators holding us hostage to world instability.

The umbrella is huge. I have OCD which comes under the ND umbrella too but would not have thought this when I was younger. Was diagnosed aged 18. My son has adhd and most likely asd... He's most certainly quirky but he's one of kind and wouldn't have him any other way :)

I’m not diagnosed but find it hard to concentrate, sit still, get told off at work for spending too much time away from desk although I don’t see it. Disorganised, poor time management, sense of unfairness in things. Interrupting people although getting better with that. I do have anxiety.

Really?! I have literally had friends telling me my diagnoses are wrong. Not sure why they think they know better.

I also got sent to a rheumatologist for a rather unusual symptom and he told me it was caused by my ADHD meds. I told him i had
alteady asked my ADHD psychiatrist (who is a consultant with decades of experience in the field) if it was the ADHD drugs and she gave several reasons why that was unlikley. He just carried on saying there was no other explanation and refused to consider what the psychiatrist was saying. Bizarrely, my GP also refused to listen to the psychiatrist. Eventually I saw another GP who actually has ADHD and she could see my point and is referring me to a different rheumatologist.

Your autistic traits are an intrinsic part of you. Your autism diagnosis isn't. It's as simple as that. If someone moved the threshold tomorrow and you no longer met the criteria then this wouldn't intrinsically change who you are or remove your struggles.

It is no more ableist to disagree with the DSM 5 than it is to disagree with the current thresholds for hypothyroidism or other medical conditions. Why do you insist that it is?

My diagnosis is an intrinsic part of me as my children’s diagnoses are to them. There is a reason for our traits and struggles throughout our lives- autism. You don’t get to tell autistic people what is or isn’t an intrinsic part of them.

It makes me fundamentally different to most of the people I interact with on a day to day basis. Why do you begrudge that there is a name for that? Do you think it would be better like in the old days, where I'd be labelled as a witch, or a changeling, or mental, or odd, or eccentric, or a loner? Because you're acting as though autistic people were just 'part of the crowd' before the modern diagnosis came along, and we could all happily bumble along without it. That isn't the reality, it never has been.

I'd consider you to be ableist if you denied someone's physical disability because you felt they should suffer more to hit a threshold, not sure why you're holding that idea as a comparison at it just makes you sound more cruel tbh.

Yes. Late 50s now. Diagnosed with childhood schizophrenia in the 1970s (like a lot of autistic kids), later in the 80s diagnosed with some other psychiatric something or other, 90s and 2000s diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. Have seen the inside of a few psychiatric hospitals. Finally diagnosed with autism in 2015ish - NHS, my scores are stupidly high.

I'm often bemused by the people who always felt a bit different but essentially had a completely ordinary life. As my eldest sister (21 years between us) said to me recently: it was always obvious you were really not the same.

I'm fine now I know how to manage it rather than some other thing that I don't actually have. Been fine for over a decade.

Not diagnosed but suspect I have both. DS1 has been diagnosed with both and DS2 is being assessed for ASD. DP has several family members diagnosed with ADHD, including three siblings, and he has so many traits it’s a no brainer.

I have a couple of friends like this, but they're all men who work in fields that are very autism friendly (STEM) and have long term friends with the same niche, intense hobbies (retro gaming, larping etc) I can imagine that if you fell into a professional and social life where you 'fit' then you might feel that things aren't much of a struggle.

Exactly. It's like we need yet another category for those that genuinely struggle in that area. I actually asked google about this. Those with autism and in relationships with kids seem to be way overrepresented on mumsnet. It's not the norm.

Yes, autistic people are significantly less likely to marry than non-autistic individuals. 1, 2]

Marriage Statistics

• Autistic Adults: Around 5% to 9% of autistic adults are married.
• General Population: Approximately 50% of non-autistic adults are married.
• Gender Differences: Autistic women are somewhat more likely to marry (16%) than autistic men (11%).

A lot of people with autism can only dream of getting married and having kids.

Very. Diagnosed ASD and ADHD (inattentive type). I was basically the slow kid at school and have never fitted in socially.

You do realise people can be in relationships without marrying.Many ND people find other ND people understand their condition. Disability doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship or have children.

My DS1 is severely disabled by his autism and ADHD as a result of being born extremely prematurely. He will never live independently. I think it’s very unlikely that he’ll marry or have a long term relationship. Autism affects people in many different ways.

As mentioned above, almost certain I’m ND. And DP. Been together over 40 years. Not married. Couldn’t bear the thought of all the fuss. The organisation. The anxiety. Being the centre of attention. The expectations and traditions. Of course I suppose we could have had a quiet wedding but we’ve just not bothered! I have three autistic cousins in very long term relationships, none of whom are married.